Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

VfM4meplse

I agree with Red Doe, I'm self-employed now and am loving it. My work-life balance is much better, although admittedly I could spend a lot less time on MSE!

blackandwhitebunny

What subject or age group do you teach? I'm also a teacher and know that it can take an enormous toll on your health and energy.
It might not work for all or for you but we have an ex teacher at our school (incredibly well qualified Maths) who decided she didn't want the stress of whole class teaching so switched to being a part time TA and works with groups of 3 to 4 pupils, a fair number of who are high achievers. Obviously she was only able to do this as our head is quite switched on and far thinking and she did take a huge cut in salary but it saved her sanity.
Of course I realise that you could only do this in a school that knew you as most heads would be very cynical about a teacher changing to a TA.

McKneff

I'm in a quandrary at the moment. Ive never not worked, I had 2 separate years off work when the kids were born and have worked part time, days, evenings, for the last 47 years full time, kids are 42 and 38. Ive never really had time for hobbies, Ive just been made redundant after 25 years with the same company and I'm 61. I was looking forward to retirment at first 9 weeks ago but the nearer it gets to my leaving date (this Friday) I'm actually dreading it. I think I'm going to have this winter at home (Ive driven in some horrifice weather) and I want to just say, when its snowing heavens high, 'so what' instead of groaning. I may look for a few hours work a week in Spring (or maybe not) I'll just see what I feel like (actually, it's nice to be able to actually say 'I'll just see what I feel like)
Money isnt a problem, we'll more than manager, Apart from that I just dont know what the hell Im going to do with my time.
Regards to all
Annie

quintwins

i'm a stay at home mum but tbh i don't think i could do it once there grown i could crack up lol it would be far too quiet and lonely without them here and theres only so many times you can clean your kitchen cupboards

in all seriousness you need to look at this as a lifestyle choice it's alot easier with 2 incomes and you go from working to making every penny stretch and from being able to enjoy days out to savings up for them, even a drive in the country or trip to the beach are more expensive now with the cost of fuel and you need to decide if thats the life you want, if not you could try a diferent job but it's worth looking properly at the benefits of it, i could get a nightime cleaning job but it would cost us £25 in desil a week and hubby tends to do his own work as a sideline at night often so we would lose out of that money aswell in the end it's not worth me missing tucking my kids in for the pitance we'd get

i wish you all the best while you try to figure out whats best for you

juliapenguin

blackandwhitebunny - it's very interesting what you say about changing to being a TA. It's not as relevant for me as I teach English as a Foreign Language and English for Academic Purposes in higher education/private language schools (where there aren't any TAs), but I'm sure if I put my mind to it I could find something similar. I know someone who has just done a PGCE but is going to look for TA work as she can't face the hassle of the class teacher role (she also suffers badly from anxiety).

How do you homemakers structure your days? I don't know anyone else who doesn't work, so hanging out with friends isn't going to be an option! I need structure (because of the mental health issues) and some examples of how other people organise their time would be useful.

VfM4meplse

McKneff wrote: »

Money isnt a problem, we'll more than manager, Apart from that I just dont know what the hell Im going to do with my time.

Annie my dear, you need a plan, or you'll wither on the vine.

First think of all the things you think you should have done with your life so far but haven't. Then list the things that you'd like to do, skills you'd like to develop. The more you think, the more you will add to your list and the more you'll start to look forward to your retirement.

The regular activities (painting, fitness, charity work, grandchildren etc) could form the structure of your week, and leave plenty of time for the one-off experiences. Put deadlines by each goal and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! :beer:

anguk

I've been a homemaker since I was pregnant with my son 25 years ago! My youngest is now 17 but I still haven't gone back to work. My situation is a bit different because when the kids got older my OH's health deteriorated and now I look after him but in all honesty even if OH wasn't ill I think I'd still want to be a homemaker if finances allowed. There's always things to do and I often wonder how working mums manage, I feel like there just wouldn't be enough hours in the day for a job outside the home!

Gintotmelinda

Annie

I know what you mean by no hobbies. Maybe have a bit of a rest and dabble in things. Having the opportunity to see "what I feel like" sounds exciting. What did you not find so much time to do when you were working? I agree with JuliaP that structure may be challenging at first. I know people maybe do "housework" stuff in the morning and other things in the afternoon. I find going to the gym helps as it makes you feel good.

Gintot

sock-knitter

my children have just left home, and i'm not at this present time able to work, 1, because i am still sons carer, both sons on hrc dla, 2, because i also suffer mental health problems
my week has some structure
eg, tues am, carers coffee morn, pm craft group
weds am another craft group
thjurs am knitting or walking group
fri am church group, friday pm craft group
alternate saturdays days out shopping or visiting places by train

i also am a voluntary director for a childrens charity and do voluntary work as and when i can

hope this helps a little

Softstuff

juliapenguin wrote: »

Softstuff - a definite yes to the support group! I feel quite alone in my situation.

At the very least this thread should be telling you you're not alone :grouphug:

I started my first job on my 16th birthday, and worked until I was 32, all through school and uni. I've a degree, I've worked in management for over 10 years, and I just couldn't do it any more. I feel a bit of a wuss, but was barely a step away from a nervous breakdown, was having panic attacks, cried many nights, angry outbursts etc.

I looked into retraining, but even if I was to spend over $40,000 and a number of years doing that, there's no work around here in any case. And hubby has a great job, well paid with a good boss here.

I've looked for a part time job, but have been turned down from the few that were there to apply for (I guess it seems odd to employers, despite me explaining in the cover letter, that someone with the experience and qualifications I have would want part time entry level work.)

I just want a relatively stress free part time job, so next step is likely to be applying at mcdonalds!:D

I worry about what other people think of me. I left school with the best qualifications, went straight from uni into good jobs, and now am looking at flipping burgers.

So guys, repeat after me, "What I do for a job isn't the only thing that defines who I am!" :rotfl: