Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

red_devil

all welcome. If you sent a request then I will have added you.:)

Charbird

Hi Loving this thread! More of a lurker than a poster tho! I have been a homemaker for the last 16 years and love it!! Gave up full time work when I had youngest child and never went back. I feel very lucky to have been able to do this, it's not been easy at times but life isn't always. I have requested to join the facebook group Red Devil, hope that's ok? Char x

KolaKube

Have really enjoyed reading through this thread, and it's got me thinking.

I'm 27, a doctor, working variable hours per week from 75 to 30 ish depending on the rota. Lots of on-call shifts and nightshifts etc. I'm currently pregnant with our first child, due start of Feb.

Due to the nature of my job, planning to take maternity early-ish from start of December (32wks) and I am literally counting down the shifts! I can't wait to be at home and be a proper little homemaker.

OH and I are trying to work out the finances to decide if I could potentially stay a homemaker after my maternity. Unfortunately I earn the bigger wage (which would go, obviously) and OH, although in a good job, would be earning just enough for us to scrape by. We don't have expensive tastes and are saving up as much money as possible before the baby arrives. We'll have to see how it goes. Over the next few months we're planning to 'trial living' on OHs wage and put my entire wage into savings if possible. I'm really hoping we can manage

xx

red_devil

I should have added everyone that asked. Let me know if any problem. Its a great group and growing well.:)

edeneve

Well this is my experience:

By 23 I had worked as a nanny abroad, worked for DSS full time and various pt jobs...I met my husband at 21 and at 23 had our first child, 5 years later I had 4 children, in that time I had worked pt mainly as a sales assistant then a launderette. At 25 I started an OU degree and completed my degre by 28...I then worked pt in FE teaching earning £30 p/hour for around 10 hours a week....this worked brilliantly as had time at home and work....but felt like I 'needed' to look towards working FT....my husband earned 10K a year we managed to buy a house and was doing really well and very happy.

I then did a masters and then won a scholarship at 31 to do a PhD...I did this and again this worked well as I only had to go in uni 2 days a week...I then got offered a FT job as senior lecturer which I took....that's when my world started falling apart...my marriage ended, the commute was awful and I became a single parent of four kids trying to do it all....The last day before summer term ended I drove the 40 miles home in tears....that was my last day as i handed my notice in........and became instantly much happier.

I then met the 'love of my life', started a job PT and then we had a baby...then my partner started pressuring me to go back to work FT...in a job I was qualified for..i.e uni teaching....(I was working in a low paid job that I could do from home but it was making me happy)....the pressure got worse and eventually he ground my self esteem into the floor, calling me lazy...then it turned into abuse....

I did get another FT job with another 100 round trip commute it lasted 6 months until I had a breakdown...me and my partner had separated but trying work things out but I was left working FT and being a single mum....all in some ways to please him and rectify our relationship....

The breakdown though was a blessing in disguise...as I had to take 3 months off work but the they were phoning, letters and harrassing so much that I resigned....

In the time off work my relationship had totally broken down...he had become emotionally abusive and physically...so I stopped all contact with him....i later found out he had a child with another woman and he was in a 'new' relationship with another woman who he now lives with lol!!!

I had to go on income support for a year, which I hated but I had to....but roll on a year...I started a low paid PT job as a carer just to start earning again but the hours were all over the place and the management were terrible, not to mention the extra time unpaid...I went on holiday and spent the entire holiday thinking with my skills there must be a way of working PT self employed and earning...I came home from holiday and set up an online shop........

I spent 2 weeks researching how to do it and then I set up a website, contacted HMRC and bought stock...first 2 weeks I took £600....by week 12 I took in total over £3000...

I had an offer of a very good job starting September but have now turned it down...because I now have the perfect life balance...I work approx 2-3 hours a day, I can be there for my kids, do school runs, have no childcare fees, am doing something I love and can be my own boss...and to boot I have been feeling very down as I ended up living in a place I don't want to be but have to be because of kids schools...my youngest teen finished school next year and others going uni etc...so now I can move to live by the sea and my business just comes too as can be run from there.

I'm still a single mum but now I am doing things on my terms and not killing myself trying to be everything......lifes too short.

As a single mum I do have to work because I need to, when my kids leave home I have to make sure I can afford to live...I wouldn't be able to live on benefits...not much of a life and I don't have great pensions sadly.

However if I was in a relationship I would be happy to be a stay at home mum but would probably do something PT as I do now because I enjoy it...but I'd do it for me not because I 'felt' I should do it.

Its not about how much money you have its about what makes you happy and choosing the life you want without letting other people making you feel inadequate just because you don't share their beliefs....

sorry to go on...