Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

tjak

I have found myself in this position as I am off work long term for health reasons. I have been off for 7 months so far, but no prospect of return within the next 4 months.

I used to commute to London and was a manager of a team of 10, alongside a home life with my husband, son, 2 dogs, 5 chickens ....

At the beginning the days were endless - my son is at school and then does after school activities most days. I was so bored, and didn't know what to do with myself.

Now, I am beginning to see the positives. I enjoy crocheting, and have managed to make a couple of tops for myself which I would never have had time to do in the past. I have started a dressmaking evening class, and been practicing on my sewing machine during the week.

I cook everything from scratch, including bread (sour dough), and love to make sure there are home made cakes. I have time to menu plan properly, and to shop (online) better.

I have also made a lot of christmas presents myself, and feel proud that I can do this.

These are all things that I could never have managed when I worked full time.

Luckily I have income insurance, but this month it looks as though I may not receive anything (although this will double up next month). I am enjoying the challenge of using all the OS skills I read about, and have just completed a list of everything in my freezer and cupboards. We won't starve!

I am limited in what I can do, but I found the flylady website really helpful to give structure to my day. My house feels like a home, and I am less stressed as a result.

Sorry for waffling on, but being a home maker can be a lovely rewarding way to spend your time, enjoy it!

Julie67

Julia, your original post really struck a chord with me. I haven't read the whole thread but will do, just thought I would share what happened to me.
I have four children, 3 in their twenties and a 15yr old. I still have 2 boys at home.
I stayed at home until the youngest went to full time school and then went to Uni, got a degree and a PGCE and went to work in the wonderful world of education, teaching older kids and eventually moving into senior management for three years.
I can honestly say it almost drove me insane trying to manage a big team of staff and the house and kids. Although I have a fantastic husband who does his fair share.
I woke up one morning and thought I can't do this any more. I finished work and have been at home for almost 12 mnths.
There are down sides, we have had a huge drop in income and money has been tight. I must admit I have had a couple of wobbles and thought "I will have to get a job".
But they are far outweighed by the positives. I love being at home, and creating a home for my family. I am a much better happier mum and wife and I can honestly say it's the best decision I have ever made.
Financially we have managed and in the last couple of months I have started doing bits and bobs from home which I enjoy, but I will never again put myself in the situation were I am spending more time with work colleagues than my family.
I am so much more positive and optimistic for the future. I really hope you manage to find something that is the right balance for you.

karenrel

Again, apologies for not having yet read the whole thread, but in answer to how to introduce yourself to OH colleagues or in response to 'What do yu do for a living?', one of my friends (herself a 'homemaker with grown up kids') gave me this retort-
'I work very hard, I just don't get paid!'.

I used to feel as though I had to justify my reason to stay at home when my children were babies (they're 8 and 13 now), which got worse as they started school - if one more person had have asked me "What are you going to do with yourself whilst you've nothing to do all day :mad:mad::") )but I now have the confidence to know that it was my (and my Hubs) decision and nothing to do with anyone else! I have no need to justify my reasons, I know I am not being lazy (well, maybe the odd 'duvet day :rotfl:'), it was the right decision for me and my family, and we have all benefitted from it. I don't personally feel like I would be able to contribute fully to my home life if I was holding down a job/career and as for those who say they 'want it all' - well I have!

Money's tight, foreign holidays are sooo not gonna happen, i admit to having 'let myself go' (though I've not yet done the school run in pj's - been tempted thought!) but no-one's perfect!

Rummer

I would love to me a full time home maker, sadly my circumstances will not allow it .

calleyw

Rummer wrote: »

I would love to me a full time home maker, sadly my circumstances will not allow it .

Me too. Never going to happen due to my circumstances.

I have no choice but to work full time and be a home maker.

Yours

Calley

morganedge

I, like 95% of everyone I know, would give my right arm not to have to go to work.
You're job doesn't define you.
Work makes life pretty lame, really. I just wish away the days waiting for the weekend so that I can actually enjoy being alive for a few hours per week.
I'd be a home-maker if i could. Don't feel bad about it, if that's what you want to do.
Say it with pride.
Any negativity you receive is purely from jealousy; of that I can assure you.

merlin68

I'm doing an OU degree. I also go to badminton on a monday. costs a £1. Tuesday I do an art class, was a bit pricey. £10 a week plus £2.40 for a cappachino. Wed I go to a lunch club, which includes 2 games of bingo for £6.50 and every other thursday, I go to a bookclub at the library which is a £1.
I also clean the house once a week and do the washing. Hubbie does the cooking and ironing.

jackieb

This thread struck a chord with me too. I actually gave up working almost 6 years ago when my husband got a job where he would be out of the country for a month at a time. The money was better and he said he'd miss me if I was working all the time when he was home, so if I wanted to pack it in I could - so I did. I didn't need any persuasion! Then 3 years ago we moved house, which needed a lot doing to it. Just as we moved his work visa ran out and the Russians took almost 4 months to sort it out. And all that time he was at home, still getting paid but far less than usual. I was worried about money as our mortgage had almost doubled, so I suggested I go back to work. Fortunately I got my old job back but only doing relief work. But they're so nice it's hard to say no to them when they phone up and ask me to work. Just as I was about to start back to work my mum was diagnosed with cancer (she's okay now ) and with the stress of going back to work I had a couple of panic attacks.

Since then nothing has slowed down. My daughter has been diagnosed with Aspergers as well has having a distressing bowel disorder, and I have 2 sons with anxiety disorders, one who has been admitted twice to the local psychiatric hospital. Some weeks I was travelling more than 250 miles, back and forth to different hospital appointments (I also took my mum to all her chemo and radiotherapy sessions as well all her other hospital appointments) and coming and going between the airport with both my eldest and my husband on average once a week. I felt everything has gone wrong since I went back to work and I don't have time for anything. I think my family and house have suffered. My husband is no longer getting paid as much as he was but still has a decent wage compared to some and I think we'd manage. Some days when he's away from home and i'm working and tired and can't be bothered to make supper and end up getting a takeaway and it ends up costing most of what i've made that day!

Also, if i'm doing a long shift I sometimes feel resentful and guilty. I look after adults with learning disabilities and I think I should be at home with my own family instead. If my husband said I could stop working i'd pack it in tomorrow.

jackieb

I feel guilty for not being there for my family and i'd feel guilty if I was to stop working as I know my OH works hard and he still has to go away for a couple of weeks at a time. I'd feel bad for being able to stay at home while he has to go away.

thriftwizard

New face here... chipping in as someone who has recently re-entered the "grown-up world" according to my family - nearly all academics, of one sort or another - as my assorted offspring start to fly the nest. As my other half had a non-standard job involving long shifts & anti-social hours, I chose to stay home when our children were small, although I was earning more than he was. And there I've mostly been ever since; I did work PT when I could fit it around the kids, at a variety of fairly low-paid jobs, but we managed somehow because I had the time to shop carefully, make stuff & renovate things instead of buying new. It was a steep learning curve & very much swimming against the tide, and at one stage a member of my family actually called me a "bottom-feeder" (in the fish sense - I hope!) but I have no regrets. No disrespect intended to those who simply have to work, BTW - we had just enough coming in (though it didn't always seem that way) to keep our heads above water if I was very, very careful. There was a lot of saying no...

And now I'm not needed at home in the same way, the "making stuff & renovating" has turned into a job; I've become self-employed, using the skills & knowledge I've picked up along the way, and I'm loving it. I have no doubt I could earn a lot more if I updated my skills & went back into the workplace, but I'd also have to spend more and live with the sort of constant stress I simply can't be doing with, not to mention commuting etc. Being self-employed is not as hard as I thought it would be, in fact it's a doddle, and I just wish I'd done it years ago. And we're not rich; other half has a very average wage, we're supporting two students & have three offspring still living at home, but we have enough & one way or another we cope. In other words, in my admittedly-limited experience, going out & "getting a job" isn't necessarily the only way to earn money or self-respect, especially not if it risks your mental or physical health - there may be other options open to you.