Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

juliapenguin

quintwins wrote: »

you don't dare turn down extra shifts or they take the hump

This was exactly the same situation in my last proper teaching job - I was put under so much pressure to work additional hours and even when I was becoming unwell received veiled threats from the evil boss that I was to do what they required or look for another job. Of course they didn't make the sort of open threats that could give me evidence for a tribunal - and I felt I had no choice but to resign.

greenval

Just read through this thread and can understand how you feel. I no longer work due to physical disabilities, sight defect etc. I have spent time as a Parish Councillor as being in receipt of benefits is something I continue to feel guilty about, even though I paid into the system before my health worsened. I felt being an unpaid councilor gave my life some structure and enabled me to 'give something back.
The other thing to look at for those looking for some structure/contact with the outside world is the 'U3A', University of the 3rd Age. Most run all sorts of activities and trips out etc and a coffee morning. Not everyone is past retirement age as some have taken early retirement or as in my case are just plain decrepit! Hope this helps

juliapenguin

greenval wrote: »

The other thing to look at for those looking for some structure/contact with the outside world is the 'U3A', University of the 3rd Age. Most run all sorts of activities and trips out etc and a coffee morning. Not everyone is past retirement age as some have taken early retirement or as in my case are just plain decrepit! Hope this helps

I didn't think of U3A - I'll definitely look into this as this could well provide some structure to my week.

TheDoolallyDilly

My situation is slightly different, as I worked until I had my first son, who was born with a severe learning disability. I haven't 'worked' but have cared for him (and his younger brother, born a couple of years later) for 19 years! He's off to a special residential college soon (sob) and my younger son is nearly 17.

I can easily fill my days - exercising (doesn't have to be the gym - you can go for walks/run/do exercise DVDs), reading, housework/laundry/organising and I have one more module to go before I complete my OU degree. I will look for a job once my elder son is through college (will still be coming home for holidays) and settled - but I plan to do lots of voluntary work before then. When the boys were younger I helped out in school and with the NCT, and with a church group.

I think some sort of voluntary work might work for you - as you could just do, say, one day a week.

quintwins

juliapenguin wrote: »

This was exactly the same situation in my last proper teaching job - I was put under so much pressure to work additional hours and even when I was becoming unwell received veiled threats from the evil boss that I was to do what they required or look for another job. Of course they didn't make the sort of open threats that could give me evidence for a tribunal - and I felt I had no choice but to resign.

i think this prob happens in most professions, which is sad really it's like people think you owe them something, yet they've done nothing to earn your favor iykwim

mesh

I have worked for 34 years constant, the last 11 in adult education. Went to work in the middle east teaching, returned end 2010 and worked again in adult education until redundancy 3 weeks ago and boy, am I happy being at home. Although I have always lived a frugal life (following in mums footsteps) I thought people always lived like me until I found out people were so wasteful. I have become more and more frugal over the years and find this now helps with me being at home. I am lucky my OH is happy with me being at home and we can cover our costs.

I am beginning to look at structure in my life what to do within the home daily/weekly/monthly and include outside eg gardening, maintenance etc. Then I will include what I want to have a go at eg yoga, learn to dressmake etc. and this will be my basis.

I can see a time when I will need company as I also live in a rural area so a 'friends' group seems a good idea. I think its good if you like yourself as this will help being at home alone!

I dont think you should define yourself by a job role, I see this as a new phase in your life, similar to mine, and does it really matter what people think?

I am happy not to have the stress of targets, demands of extra hours (usually unpaid), lack of home life and visiting friends. I like who I am becoming and my life and yes, I miss my own money but I would rather be happy and alive then stressed, sharp tempered and unwell. Step back, have a deep long sigh and smile.... it will be worth it.:think:

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

I've never worked outside the home,my husband never wanted me too.
I married at 16 and had our first daughter a year later.
We went on to have two other children by the time I was 20.
I always made my children priority and even now they know they can rely on my help at anytime.
Now at 56 I do do volunteer work in a hospice a few days a week as I realy enjoy it and also in a day care centre for the disabled.
I know I've been very lucky to be able to have done what I've done and to be able to pursue the things that were important to me.
To be honest I've never been bored at anytime in my life since I've always had too many things I wanted to do.
My husband often says he just worries what I'm going to get up to next as I never stop from one day to the next :rotfl:.

BugglyB

Just to add my two pence. I am a volunteer manager and have two long term volunteers with mental health problems. They have good periods and bad periods and the volunteering fits in perfectly - when they are not well they dont have to come in, and when they are well they can do more. I can support that better than an employer could and thus am able to be more supportive and flexible with them. If you get the right person in charge of the volunteer program you will be an asset to their team.

lollyfin

Hi all
I havent worked for the last year and a half, my kids are 20,16 and 12 year old twins. I had always worked either full or part time because I had to we couldnt afford for me not to work. I had to give up my last job due to probs with my middle child, and am now not even thinking about another job. I am enjoying being at home so much even tho I am on my own a lot (could be thats what I enjoy!) that I really dont want to go back to work. We are finally in the situation that financially I dont have to get a job and my husband works away a lot so he doesnt want me to be working when he comes home, i am lucky. I do feel some pressure from other people because I dont work they seem to think I am lazy or scrounging off my husband but it is our life and I am now at a point where I will not get a crappy job to please other people. i look at running the house as well and frugally as posible as my "job" and am quite sad in that I set myself challenges with moneysaving and around the home to keep things interesting, this month I am working on being greener, making my own cleaning products and reducing what we throw away by getting composting bins, green cone food digesters and joining freegle to recycle things. Next month is going to be winter proofing the house, lining curtains, making draught excluders and setting up a store cupboard i am loving my life now and dont think I could fit all this in if I was working. I also think the money side of it balances itself out with less fuel, eating takeaways and convenience foods as well as having to buy clothes for work.
Wow I have prattled on hope it makes some sense
Lollyfin

dandy-candy

From someone living this right now, I would say DON'T do it!

I stopped working at 19 to have DS1 and i'm now 38. My kids are 18, 14 and 12 and I am still a SAHM. When the kids were home most of the time it was fun and I loved every minute but the last few years have been soul destroying. The other mums I got together with all went back to work when their kids started school full time, I live in a city but everyone in my road is at work during the day - it is so lonely that it makes you miserable. I threw myself into hobbies for the first couple of years but that wears off, and yes people do judge you - I want to crawl under a rock when people I meet for the first time say "And what do you do?" Having been out of work for this long has taken all my confidence, I don't know what to talk about with new faces and I don't feel I could apply for a job now with a 19 gap on my CV. I thought about charity work but around here that means elderly or disabled groups and having spent the last 2 years helping my mum who was disabled and dying of cancer I couldn't handle a job working in the care enviroment.
If I could do it again I would have got a job - ANY JOB - the minute my youngest started school, even if it was only 2 days a week. I had a full blown breakdown 7 years ago so don't assume being at home will necessarily help with mental health problems, I actually feel i'm in a worse place now than if I'd stayed part of "society" at large.
OP I know your mum was at home and happy, but in the past there would have been plenty of other women at home to - maybe even in her street - and so it wasn't such a lonely life.