Rubbish at this Mum thing......

Knelley

astonsmummy wrote:

, dont worry it doesnt mean your a nut job

:rotfl: aston, I thought that was part of the criteria of being a mother;)

Guilty, I agree with aston. When I split from my partner, being on here was the best thing that I did. The computer was my lifeline and saved me from doing anything crazy......well, apart from being a Mum:rolleyes:

squibbs25

Sorry if i'm repeating what others have said, as ive only glanced at a few replies, are you breastfeeding or formula?
If its formula have you considered changing it to the next milk up (normally hungrier baby variety) I think it is more nurishing for growing baby. Some babies reach a certain age (mine about 3.5 months) when the normal formula didnt satisfy them, so went on to the next milk. (Used Farleys with my second child, Cow and Gate with the first - but that never suited dd (second child!)
Good luck, let us know how you get on.
You sound a fab mum ( i dont remember singing to my 2 before bed!) Must admit i did leave the radio on quietly for background noise.
Both of mine still go to bed with music on. DS (9) sets his stereo on timer, while dd (4) listens to Keiser Cheifs "I Predict a Riot" on repeat all night long. On the occaisions i have turned the CD off, she has woken in the middle of the night crying, when asked what was wrong, it was because her favorite song wasnt on!

If your baby is used to a lot of noise in the day, then it maybe to quiet in the evening when baby is trying to settle.

hth,

Squibbs

moggins

You poor devil! I remember this so well. In the end DH and I actually took it in turns sleeping on the living room floor with her as it was the only way we could get some sleep and not exist as living zombies. It wasn't until she was 10 months old that we actually got to sleep in the same bed together and then she was in with us. Finally at 18 months we got her to go into a cot but only because I had breast cancer. Now she is 5 and still has difficulty going to sleep, now I just yell at her up the stairs

Although DD1 (now 22) and DS (13) were both good sleepers from about 6 months on.

Rachie_B

guiltyqueen wrote:

I'm rocking her to sleep in then end as she wont sleep. I went to a Mother and Baby group and the community Nursery Nurse said if you rock them to sleep, fall asleep being fed... thats what you will always be doing, and making a rod for your own back... She even said laughing some parents drive the kids round in the car till they sleep!!! (I m thinks sounds good only I might fall asleep while driving.)

:rotfl: we actually resorted to this on a few ocassions !

its amazing the lengths you will go to to get some sleep,peace & quiet

buxtonrabbitgreen

My youngest didn't sleep much either. You feel so tired you would just like to send them back sometimes. I did what you are not supposed to either and had her in bed with me so she could just help herself, as each feed took and hour then she would wake up an hour later for another one. I have to admit i gave up after 6 weeks and put her on the bottle. She still woke up for feeds every 2 hours but at least I didn't have to do all of them. But like someone else said, now she's a teenager getting her out of bed is the problem. She was a four pound baby so I think that was the main problem small babies seem to want feeding little and often, and she is still a grazer.

rainbowrisin

Oh love, ennoorrrrrmoousss ((((((hugs)))))). You are not a rubbish mum. You are a NORMAL mum who is suffering from sleep deprivation.
Sleep deprivation is used as an effective form of torture in less civilised parts of the world, as after a while without sleep most people will crack and reveal state secrets. Us mums are well 'ard to survive at all.
If your OH is supportive, I would suggest that if you can you stay somewhere else for one night a week - a friend's, a relative, or even (finances permitting) a cheap hotel. Use that time to relax - try and get a good night's sleep, and give yourself time to have a long bath, chat about this, that and the other and generally have a break. If this isn't possible, would OH / friend / relative take baby out for a day out once a week so you can have a longish snooze and chill. This isn't copping out, it's a survival strategy. It's surprising how even a few hours of baby free time can really put a different perspective on things.
Other thoughts...if baby sleeps, you sleep. Forget housework, dinner on the table, slippers warming for OH and all that. Cuddle up with baby, or let baby rest in the cot, whatever, and sleep. Provided baby is looked after you and OH will not come to harm in a dusty house living on ready meals and sandwiches for a few months.
Any mum who says they get it all sorted when they have their first baby is a liar. Part of sleep deprivation is you think everyone else is doing a far better job than you. Not true. We're all dragging through it as best we can.
Accept ANY offer of help. Accepting help does not mean you are a rubbish mum and unable to cope...it means you are a clever and sensible mum and are prioritising you and baby, which is completely the way it should be. Mums are absolutely crucial to babies in the first few months (sorry dads) and your health and well being must take equal precedence with baby, or baby will suffer.
This phase will not last forever. Eventually they will sleep through, even though this is impossible to believe now - trust me.
I don't really have any bright ideas to "make" baby sleep through, as I always got up and cuddled my babies when they were very little, and even (:eek: ) had them in bed with me, as it felt (for me) the right thing to do.
Baby will sort themselves out when they are good and ready IMHO. At the moment I would suggest you need to focus on you and get as much support and help as you can. A chilled mother has a chilled baby. My first was a horror coz I wasn't chilled. My second was so layed back they were horizontal coz I was a v. chilled mummy from the time they popped out.
Big hugs again. You ARE a good mummy. Don't beat yourself up and remember that the vast majority of mums feel exactly the same as you. If they didn't, they wouldn't be doing it right IMHO;)

Janepig

All I'll say is that the only thing that helps me when mine have sleepless nights is that I'm sure in 15-20 years time it'll be alot worse lying in bed worrying about what time they're going to come home and I'll be wishing they were still babes in arms!!!

All the best.

Jxx

arthur_dent_2

We are all bad mothers but the better ones know that they are and try not to be.

Madmel

Massive bigs hugs to you; you aren't a bad mum at all as everyone else has said. The very fact that you acknowledge you have a problem means that you are putting your baby first, which in my book makes you the best mum in the world!

No words of wisdom for you as everyone else has said pretty much what I would have done. One thing I did do was in the early afternoon, I would take DD to bed with me, let her have a bf whilst I dozed. She would usually nod off too, and it would just give me enough time for a bit of a recharge.

I had a really laid back midwife whom I became very friendly with, so she kept popping back in even after I was under the care of the scary HV. Mw suggested having a glass of something strong with supper so it would come out in the last feed of the day, and perhaps *help* bubs to sleep. I didn't get beyong half a pint of guinness, but the thought of it put a smile on my face.

Good luck and hang on in there. In another few weeks it will seem like a distant memory. xxxx

fsdss

guiltyqueen wrote:

I rang HV and saw that week. She was really nice I did the PND scale thing again and scored 20. So she has refered me to a diffrent sort of HV who will contact me by phone for 6 sessions of one to one:o
I haven't heard anything back yet. She didn't mention how long a wait.

Thanks for the lovely post.

the HV that you have been referred to will be most probably one who is specialising in PND and it sounds like you are going to be offered additional support in terms of councelling.

most parents that i come into contact with new babies experience difficulties like yours and in particular from teatime to about midnight - it appears to be an unsettled time for them ????

the other thing that strikes me is that your baby will be coming up to weaning which is also unsettling - their behaviour changes when they are almost ready and can be extreemly unsettled.

you sound like a fab mum - and worrying about your child is a sign of good parenting - you seem to be doing the right things and ironically you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about in a couple of weeks

please take it easy - forget the housework etc, enjoy your baby and remember to take time for yourself