Rubbish at this Mum thing......

heather38

oh hun don't worry i too am a first time mum and worry that i'm rubbish. kenny is 10 weeks and i've never bathed her, i'm too scared i'll drown her oh has to do it!!!
all babies are different kenny has 8 hours sleep at night and maybe 3 hours in the day in 3 1hr slots.
i went with my mothers advice and did this-
at 11pm i give her a feed off one boob, wind her then change her nappy. i then give her the other boob until she is nearly but not quite asleep and then put her down in her basket. i leave one lamp on dim and leave the room. she will usually fall asleep on her own and will sleep till about 8am.
do what feels right for you, every one has advice on babies and all of them are different.
could she have colic? if so wind her before you feed her, halfway through a feed and after.
stay calm, try bach rescue remedy it's great, do you b/f? if not maybe a change of formula would do the trick.

alwaysonthego_2

heather38 wrote:

oh hun don't worry i too am a first time mum and worry that i'm rubbish. kenny is 10 weeks and i've never bathed her, i'm too scared i'll drown her oh has to do it!!!

I was the same with dd1, my mum used to bathe her for me

The_Bride

I really recommend the following book.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/No-cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392

I personally don't believe that controlled crying is suitable for a 4 mth old (Just my own beliefs, Im not slating anyone who does it)

I followed the book for DS1 who now sleeps a good 12hr solid through the night :T

astonsmummy

4 months is too young for controlled crying, it's reccomended not until 6 months.

aMeLia'S~MuMMY

guiltyqueen, you are not a rubbish Mum, each child is different ~ I know this does not help you at the moment as you must be knackered but things will get better.

My dd was just the same, health visitor told me that the more sleep they have in the day , the more they will have at night ~ this has worked for me, also is your dd too cold, too hot or hungry?

My daughter never got into a regular feed pattern as she was more of a grazer ( stuck on the boob for hours! ) So I found that sometimes it was hunger with her and needed milk to settle.

The fact that you are concerned shows that you ARE a good Mum ~ but please don't believe everything you read in books ( should be having so and so amount of sleep etc as you will find each book differs!!)

:A

Threadhead

I dont know if anyone has already pointed this out, but its something Ive only realised recently.

When you are a kid, it seems like your mum knows EXACTLY what shes doing; when you have your own kids you realise that she was winging it, same as you are now.

Im sure you are doing fine!

liney

Get a copy of The Baby Whisperer, or visit the forum. She is less harsh than most of the other authorities i came across and her techniques do work.

You arent a bad mom, you just have an overtired baby by the sounds of it.

abbecer

Certainly don't feel guilty you are doing a brill job. It is hard when they don't sleep much (believe me i know!!). Some babies don't sleep much at all and manage fine it's the parents who suffer!! My youngest is 2 at the end of the month and has only ever slept through once which was 12 till 6. He still gets up every night at least 3 times and belive me it is hard. Hang on in there. Keep doing what you're doing and things will get easier.

God i sound so knowledgable and reasoned but i am like a demented duck during the night. Nothing is easy when you are kn**kered so just rest when you can and let other people help.

Good luck with it all and let us know how you get on.

Love and hugs

Rebecca x

Mrs_Optimist

Haven't read all the thread so apologies if I repeat what has already been stated.

Firstly, your situation sounds oh so similiar to what I went through with DD and DS. It seems a lot worse when you are sleep deprived and have fellow mums around you telling you waht little angels they have and how their babaies never cry (they do) and slept through the night from birth (they didnt)!

My first thought is not to sing to your baby when putting her to bed. If you are anthing like me I sang to my babies throughout the day so it may seem unsettling to her and perhaps too stimulating. I found with my second child that by giving him a bath at a set time every night (tedious I know but it DID work) and reading to him quietly downstairs before putting him up to bed made a HUGE difference. At 4 months your child is still a little too young for controlled crying (in my opinion) but in a few months you will be in danger of setting up a rod for your own back if you don't nip it in the bud soon.

Try the bathtime/ reading routine. Dont feed her again just before bed because you may find she is uncomfortable having a full tummy. Try and give her the last feed before bathtime. You didn't mention if you have a partner at home that can help you, but if you have, use him. Finally, there is no set way to raise your child but be confident that you are doing the best you can and you will get through it.

guiltyqueen

Bossyboots wrote:

What you are experiencing is quite usual and very hard to resolve. The only thing I would say though is that 4 months is quite young for you to be expecting her to go to sleep on her own. At that age I would rock mine to sleep and then put them in their cots. It might be worth you altering that end part of her routine for a while until she is old enough to understand what bedtime is.

I'm rocking her to sleep in then end as she wont sleep. I went to a Mother and Baby group and the community Nursery Nurse said if you rock them to sleep, fall asleep being fed... thats what you will always be doing, and making a rod for your own back... She even said laughing some parents drive the kids round in the car till they sleep!!! (I m thinks sounds good only I might fall asleep while driving.)