Rubbish at this Mum thing......

jackieb

You're sleep deprived and everything seems worse when you're tired. You're not a bad mum at all.
When my 18yo son was wee I used to have to sing Singing Kettle songs until about 3am most mornings. I would have him in my bed and i'd be singing with my eyes closed lol. I have never felt so knackered, but it does get better. When she sleeps during the day, forget about housework. Take the phone off the hook and have a nap yourself. You'll feel better for it.

lil_me

You're doing what Mum's do, looking after your child, there is no right and wrong way, babies can't read books and don't know what they 'should' be doing at certain ages.

Controlled crying techniques work for some, as do others, what I would say if you're going to try something make sure it's something you can live with, your partner (if you have one) can support you with and agrees to (no point choosing to do something you disagree on) and give it a go for a while, not a few days, 3 weeks usually a good guage.

It does get better, noone is perfect, especially not the babies.

domestic_goddess

inkie wrote:

5 hours to get a baby to sleep can't be sustainable for you every night. Get hold of a copy of Christopher Green's toddler taming and it describes the controlled crying technique where you leave the baby for longer periods - many of my freinds ahve used this and the baby was going to sleep from being put into the cot within a week. It's hard whilst you're doing it, but worth it in the end.
As for day time sleeps - I wouldn't worry too much about that if your baby doesn't comform to the 'textbook pattern'.the main thing is that you are able to get a good nights sleep.

My Health Visitor told me about this and it worked in about a week. It is horrible listening to your child cry but you soon settle them into a routine which is easier for both of you.

:beer:

astonsmummy

Hi guilty queen, just been looking at some of your other posts and was wondering how did it go with your health visitor?
You seem really down and when your down and tired it makes everything seem a million times worse, i know, i suffered from bad PND.
Also and i'm not trying to make you feel worse here but babies can sense when mummy is upset, i really think you need to sort out how you are feeling then everything else will come easier, i know its easy for me to say but i have been to the end of despair and back, i have taken 2 overdoses, i even rejected my son when he was about 9 mnths old, but i got through it and i'm not saying it's easy but there is lots of help out there, especially on here!
I wish i knew about MSE when i was going through what i would say is probabaly one of the worst times of my life.
Dont feel guilty about needing help, and trust me you aren't a bad mother at all, if you was, you wouldnt be so concened.
It breaks my heart to hear people like yourself coz i know it can feel like ur the only one in the world that feels like it, but trust me you certainly arent.
As far as other peoples 'perfect' lives and children, i do beleive that many mums and dads fib about their babies (not saying they all do) when they say they sleep through etc.
I dont really know what else to say apart from it will get better, dont expect miriacles but please get as much help as you can from your health visitor and doctors and always be truthful so they can help you as best they can.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Aoife's_mum

Hello

I agree with the others - we've all been there, so you are not alone! I've got a 10mo old and 2 yr old, and am still often tired (sorry, probably not what you want to hear), although they do now both go to sleep very easily. I think you are probably aiming a bit too high for a 4 month old - don't know many who were sleeping well at this age, and certainly my health visitors did not recommend controlled crying at this age - and most books I've read also say at least 6 months before you try it. I'd def recommend the Gina Ford book, and also the Baby whisperer by tracy hogg. I personally hated the toddler taming book (and it isn't really aimed at your age of baby!!) - but then everyone is different, so you should read around til you find a book that helps you and your baby.

A big reason for crying at bed time with my first was overtiredness - and with the amount of sleep your lo is having during the day this could also be the problem with yours - it seems to be that the less sleep they have, the worse they sleep, which doesn't really make sense! Gina Ford reckons a 4-5 month old should be having 3 hours sleep in the day (7am-7pm) and I would try to get near to this - even if it means walking her in the pram, or driving round in the car - once she isn't overtired you can then start getting better sleep associations so that she will sleep in her cot at home. Mine were still having an afternoon nap at this stage at about 4pm, so they were going to bed about 2-3hours after they had woken up, and this was much easier than if they had been awake all afternoon.

Hope this helps - are there any mother and baby groups near you that you could join - if you have some more mums to talk to you'd know that you are definitely not alone so wouldn't feel so bad!

bobsa1

I know it's horrible and makes you feel as though you are no good at this mum thing when kids won't sleep. Unfortunately most kids haven'tread the books telling them how long they are supposed to sleep.

My dd aged 2 didn't go to bed until nearly 10pm last night (toatally out of routine due to xmas) I bought the little book of sleep when I had dd3 as she never slept during the day as a baby and not much at night. As a two year old she sleeps for about 10 hrs all together. DD1 who is now 12 was also a poor sleeper until last year. She could now do it as an olympic sport!

Sleep is one of the hardest things and all children, like adults, need different amounts.

Hugs!!

Rachie_B

aww hun (((huge hugs)) its a horrible time

you blame yourself and as you are really tired yourself it makes you feel worse

I know everyone has recommended the controlled crying etc but i personally couldnt do that when my 2 were so small / young ( but i dont NOT agree with it IYSWIM ,just wasnt for me personally)

it seemed cruel to me letting my little baby cry ,so i would feed them until they were almost but not quite asleep,then place them in the cot.

make sure baby is ready for sleep,is the nursery a suitable temp?
dimmed lighting( instead of pitch black darkness),maybe some low music or a musical toy in / on the cot side

use lavender bathing / moisturising products before bedtime

put a t shirt etc that you have worn, in the cot with baby,they can smell you and feel comforted

does she appear to be in any pain ? colic starts in the evening and can last a good few hours !!! does she pull her legs up towards her chest when she is screaming ?

alwaysonthego_2

Ask your health visitor if they have a sleep clinic, it worked for my dd1, they suggested the controlled crying tecnique, which work4d for me.You need to perservere with this. good luck xxx

Morglin

Babies are all different, and Health Visitors don't seem to understand that they cannot read the book that they have...........;)

Ignore them, and just go with your instinct.

The perfect parent hasn't been born yet, but then again, the perfect child hasn't either.

This time will all pass, and then you'll have relative peace until the teenage years.............:eek: :eek:

Just do your best, do what you think and relax. Ignore those that know it all.:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Babies usually survive being first babies - and they're the ones that suffer most from inexperienced parents trying to grasp the whole thing........;)

Lin

Dumyat

guiltyqueen - just realised I had posted on your other thread too.
are you still feeling as miserable? how did the health visitor's visit go?
Everything is so hard at first when you are not sleeping well and your body is still recovering for the birth. Family dynamics all change - its such a stressful time for us all. Its only been a matter of weeks since the baby was born. Its not like how it is in the movies is it?