Rubbish at this Mum thing......

guiltyqueen

Hi, DD is 4 months now and I feel I m not doing a very good job,

Last night I bathed DD at 7.30 then feed her then sang a couple of songs together in her roon in the dark. Then put her down in her cot awake... She just screams and screams. (is there a crying icon?) I left her 5 mins, didn't look at her and sat her up rubbed her back them lay her back down and left her again for 5 mins. Did this for over an hour. The got her out of the cot fed her again and then put her back in her cot... I finally got her to sleep at midnight!!!!:eek:

She then woke up at 6 and hasn't gone back to sleep!

I read that a baby of her age should sleep about 5hr in the day and 10 at night. She has 3x20min sleeps in the day and 6hr at night!!

Last night is simlar to most nights. I feel I never get anytime to relax or too myself for my own sanity!! I love DD to bits but I m so tired and feel so guilty at doing a rubbish job at being her Mum.

Please can someone offer any advice?

Dumyat

you are not being a rubbish mum. sounds quite normal to me. babies are all different. and some need more sleep that others. my first slept 10 hours a night every night, my second didnt sleep properly until she was three.
stick to a routine is probably the best advice I could offer. my son although he slept 10 hours wouldnt go down until 9pm. my daughter...well a whole other story. in the end we did everything they tell you not to do because we were exhausted and took her in with us.

now they are teenagers I cant get them to stop sleeping!!

barjam_2

give me a text book baby anytime:rotfl: i had 5 kids my youngest is now 9 they never ever slept 10 hours i'd be lucky if i got even 6hrs, to be honest they still dont even sleep 10hrs:eek: sorry i could offer better info i just dont like the sound of you putting yourself down:beer:

Dumyat

was just remembering some of the things we would do to get her to sleep. walked miles pushing the pram, pushed her up and down the livingroom for hours at a time, we even tried runs in the car! please dont think you are being a bad mum. we always said if she had been our first baby we would never have had another

youngie

Well Done For Trying To Settle Dd You Are Not A Rubbish Mum You Ar Learning To Cope With The Changes Being A Mum Means.do Keep Trying A Bedtime Routine ,perhaps A Night Light So She Can Watch A Cot Mobile As She Dozes Off.try Talking To Your Health Visitor Her Job Is To Advise And Support You.
No Baby Is Going To Be A Like I Had 3 All Needed Different Routines To Get Them To Settle.
You Are A Good Mum The Fact That You Don't Mind Asking Us For Advice Means You Are A Loving Caring Mum Don't Let Yourself Ever Think Any Different

Bossyboots

quiltyqueen you have just described what would have been going on in houses all over the country last night.

I know it makes you feel like rubbish, I've been through that myself. My son was 22 months before he would even sleep in his own bed (thats how desparate we got to at least get some sleep at night) and he certainly never slept for as long as 10 hours at any stage. He hardly slept during the day either.

What you are experiencing is quite usual and very hard to resolve. The only thing I would say though is that 4 months is quite young for you to be expecting her to go to sleep on her own. At that age I would rock mine to sleep and then put them in their cots. It might be worth you altering that end part of her routine for a while until she is old enough to understand what bedtime is.

inkie

5 hours to get a baby to sleep can't be sustainable for you every night. Get hold of a copy of Christopher Green's toddler taming and it describes the controlled crying technique where you leave the baby for longer periods - many of my freinds ahve used this and the baby was going to sleep from being put into the cot within a week. It's hard whilst you're doing it, but worth it in the end.
As for day time sleeps - I wouldn't worry too much about that if your baby doesn't comform to the 'textbook pattern'.the main thing is that you are able to get a good nights sleep.

Little_Miss_Winner

Aw bless babe, we have all been there done it!
I used to put our babies down to sleep same as you, then arm myself with the daily papers, can of coke, pkt of crisps etc (dead healthy) hubby would say where are you going? Me?.....to sit on the landing for 4 hours!!!:eek:

It does get better i promise!

Another book which is very good for routines, i would highly recommend is called "The Contended litle baby" by Gina Ford, it was like my bible.:T

Borrow it from the libarary first, its really good, if your'e into routines.:A

hugs
pot
xx

astonsmummy

I can recommend controlled crying, i wish i had come across it sooner, it can be hard to hear your baby crying but if you are determined and stick to it you'll se the changes very quickly, another book i can recommend is 'how to solve your child sepp problems' by dr ferber, for 18 months i was surviving on an average of 3 hours sleep a night, i was absolutely exhausted, i eneded up taking ds to the hospital because i couldnt get him to sleep, they gave him that finnigan stuff, it didnt evn work!
My biggest mistake was milk, up until 18 months he was till having milk during the night when he woke up, i finally got the courage to cut the milk out completely and he sleeps through now, at your baby's age she can go i think it's 10 or 12 hours at night without a feed so maybe try that, i'd advis to water it down first though until you get just water.
All i can say id perservere, it does get better, honest!
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Jet

I have a friend with a 7 month old. He still wakes every two hours for a 20 minute breast feed every night.

Some babies are good sleepers, some are not. You're doing nothing wrong.

Knelley

Guilty huns.......I still feel that way and mine are 6 and 4:eek: :rotfl:

Seriously, I used to have this problem with my oldest. I found myself sitting with my hands over my ears, rocking myself through sheer despair as I left him screaming in the kitchen.....was the area furthest away from me.:rolleyes:
It is the hardest time huns. I used to meet people when out and about and they would say ' Aaaahhh, isn't he lovely, this is the best time, you know':eek: :eek: I was like 'WHAT???' You CANNOT be serious?' whilst trying to refrain myself from whacking them over the head with the closest thing to hand - I don't condone violence usually;)
It does get better and you are nearly through the worst of it. I used to sit and think 'What have I done and is this what it is going to be like for the next 16 years'?:rolleyes: Hang in there and it will eventually fall into place. And if you feel it is getting harder, let your Health Visitor know, I wish I had sooner, they will help and advise you.

Hugs
Cazza