Rubbish at this Mum thing......

guiltyqueen

astonsmummy wrote:

Hi guilty queen, just been looking at some of your other posts and was wondering how did it go with your health visitor?
You seem really down and when your down and tired it makes everything seem a million times worse, i know, i suffered from bad PND.
Also and i'm not trying to make you feel worse here but babies can sense when mummy is upset, i really think you need to sort out how you are feeling then everything else will come easier, i know its easy for me to say but i have been to the end of despair and back, i have taken 2 overdoses, i even rejected my son when he was about 9 mnths old, but i got through it and i'm not saying it's easy but there is lots of help out there, especially on here!
I wish i knew about MSE when i was going through what i would say is probabaly one of the worst times of my life.
Dont feel guilty about needing help, and trust me you aren't a bad mother at all, if you was, you wouldnt be so concened.
It breaks my heart to hear people like yourself coz i know it can feel like ur the only one in the world that feels like it, but trust me you certainly arent.
As far as other peoples 'perfect' lives and children, i do beleive that many mums and dads fib about their babies (not saying they all do) when they say they sleep through etc.
I dont really know what else to say apart from it will get better, dont expect miriacles but please get as much help as you can from your health visitor and doctors and always be truthful so they can help you as best they can.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

I rang HV and saw that week. She was really nice I did the PND scale thing again and scored 20. So she has refered me to a diffrent sort of HV who will contact me by phone for 6 sessions of one to one:o
I haven't heard anything back yet. She didn't mention how long a wait.

Thanks for the lovely post.

onestep

big hugs :grouphug: to you, you are obviously doing really well on a small amount of sleep, so do give yourself a break.

Babies all sleep different amounts, and some babies never sleep more than 6 hours. Most though, can be persuaded to go longer - it is all about routine, and how much time you are prepared to persevere with whatever method you choose. Controlled crying has its advocates, but I never could leave my DD to cry for long, so it never worked for me. I prefer the approach that Tracey Hogg outlined in 'The Baby Whisperer' which was my bible while my DD was little. She thinks that you should go to your baby when they cry (it's their only means of communication, after all) but during the time you want them to sleep, you keep interaction to a minimum. It's called the pick up put down method, and it works brilliantly, although the first few nights are exhausting. As with any method, the first few nights are the worst.

Whatever you decide to do though, don't forget that you are the best mum that your baby could possibly have. And you are doing brilliantly.

hugs

onestep

guiltyqueen

Rachie_B wrote:

aww hun (((huge hugs)) its a horrible time

you blame yourself and as you are really tired yourself it makes you feel worse

I know everyone has recommended the controlled crying etc but i personally couldnt do that when my 2 were so small / young ( but i dont NOT agree with it IYSWIM ,just wasnt for me personally)

it seemed cruel to me letting my little baby cry ,so i would feed them until they were almost but not quite asleep,then place them in the cot.

make sure baby is ready for sleep,is the nursery a suitable temp?Temp is 20oc
dimmed lighting( instead of pitch black darkness),maybe some low music or a musical toy in / on the cot side I have one will dig out some batteries!

use lavender bathing / moisturising products before bedtime

put a t shirt etc that you have worn, in the cot with baby,they can smell you and feel comfortedThought of this put worried in case she pulls it over her head!!!

does she appear to be in any pain ? colic starts in the evening and can last a good few hours !!! does she pull her legs up towards her chest when she is screaming ?

No she has been ok, not colicy ay all!

guiltyqueen

heather38 wrote:

oh hun don't worry i too am a first time mum and worry that i'm rubbish. kenny is 10 weeks and i've never bathed her, i'm too scared i'll drown her oh has to do it!!!
all babies are different kenny has 8 hours sleep at night and maybe 3 hours in the day in 3 1hr slots.
i went with my mothers advice and did this-
at 11pm i give her a feed off one boob, wind her then change her nappy. i then give her the other boob until she is nearly but not quite asleep and then put her down in her basket. i leave one lamp on dim and leave the room. she will usually fall asleep on her own and will sleep till about 8am.
do what feels right for you, every one has advice on babies and all of them are different.
could she have colic? if so wind her before you feed her, halfway through a feed and after.
stay calm, try bach rescue remedy it's great, do you b/f? if not maybe a change of formula would do the trick.

I do BF, Thanks for the Bach Rescue remedy it's on my shopping list. And a trip to the libaray on Monday.

guiltyqueen

Mrs_Optimist wrote:

Haven't read all the thread so apologies if I repeat what has already been stated.

Firstly, your situation sounds oh so similiar to what I went through with DD and DS. It seems a lot worse when you are sleep deprived and have fellow mums around you telling you waht little angels they have and how their babaies never cry (they do) and slept through the night from birth (they didnt)!

My first thought is not to sing to your baby when putting her to bed. If you are anthing like me I sang to my babies throughout the day so it may seem unsettling to her and perhaps too stimulating. I found with my second child that by giving him a bath at a set time every night (tedious I know but it DID work) and reading to him quietly downstairs before putting him up to bed made a HUGE difference. At 4 months your child is still a little too young for controlled crying (in my opinion) but in a few months you will be in danger of setting up a rod for your own back if you don't nip it in the bud soon.

Try the bathtime/ reading routine. Dont feed her again just before bed because you may find she is uncomfortable having a full tummy. Try and give her the last feed before bathtime. You didn't mention if you have a partner at home that can help you, but if you have, use him. Finally, there is no set way to raise your child but be confident that you are doing the best you can and you will get through it.

I was told at the hospital by the Midwives to bath DD at least an hr after feeds or she will be sick. Is this still the case at 4 months?

I do have a DH but I feel guilty if I don't do it myself and he has been working all day.

Dumyat

maybe he would like to help though...my husband used to do nearly all the bathing as I breast feed mine. it was one of the few things he could get involved in. It would be good bonding time for him too.

AnnieH

guiltyqueen wrote:

I do have a DH but I feel guilty if I don't do it myself and he has been working all day.

Don't feel guilty - chances are he love to bath her. When i was bf/ing, my DH felt terribly left out as there was nothing really he could do for the baby. He enjoyed bathing him ands it was a time when they could have some bonding time (very important) and time for me to have a break.

If you suggest it as though you are not asking him to do it, just offering if he'd like to do it, as you feel selfish having the baby all to yourself allthe time:)

Good luck

Knelley

heather38 wrote:

oh hun don't worry i too am a first time mum and worry that i'm rubbish. kenny is 10 weeks and i've never bathed her, i'm too scared i'll drown her oh has to do it!!!

I did drop my wee boy in the bath when he was only weeks old:eek: .....felt like mins trying to fish him out, was only probably secs but spent the next 2 hours breaking my heart about how bad a mum I was and that I couldn't even bath my own baby and that I just can't do this!:rolleyes:

It is the hardest job in the world but it is the best:o and just when you think you are getting the hang of it, the wee ones decide to go onto the next stage and you have to start it all again! I think I should've stuck with a cat:p

Guilty, you will get through this huns and when you have another :eek: I hear you scream, you will wonder why it was so hard the first time:) I found I enjoyed it so much more the second time as the first was so traumatic.

emilyt

Ahhh poOr you. All mothers on here can understand what you are going through.
Definately brouht back lots of memoris for me.
You sound like you are doing a wonderful job and are a very good mum.
Is there anyone who could look after your DD for a couple of hours so that you can have some time for yourself.
I know that always made me feel a lot better and put everything into perspective.

astonsmummy

guiltyqueen wrote:

I rang HV and saw that week. She was really nice I did the PND scale thing again and scored 20. So she has refered me to a diffrent sort of HV who will contact me by phone for 6 sessions of one to one:o
I haven't heard anything back yet. She didn't mention how long a wait.

Thanks for the lovely post.

Maybe it's a CPN (community psyciatric nurse) she has refered you too? thats what they did with me, dont worry it doesnt mean your a nut job, but they will be able to help you as best as possible to try and lift your mood, unfortunately these things can take time, but i'm sure you wont be waiting long for an appointment, in the mean time please keep posting on here, you dont have to go it alone, we'll all be here any time of day (withing reason:rotfl: ) honestly though, i know it's only t'internet but trust me it helps, tbh i find it easier to post here when i'm down than actually talk to people, also there are so many people on here who know exactly where your coming from, feel free to PM me if u ever wanna vent off the forum xx