Friend's Wedding

Lotus-eater

dizsiebubba wrote: »

But that is the point... that is just your opinion. What about people who have relatives that live abroad... what do you suggest then if the wedding is in the UK? They ahve to pay for their travel and board?

If you are married, did you pay all of your guests travel to attend? Was everybody local? or did you pay for peoples room overnight and breakfasts the next day?

We went to a wedding recently abroad, paid for ourselves as it was a week long holiday and had an amazing time while we were there. The couple sent us all invites and said to everybody that they would understand if people couldn't afford it.... over 100 guests went out for the wedding so obviously your opinion is not the same for everybody else.

Can you not see that Brides and Grooms do not take their decision to marry abroad lightly? If you get an invite and cant afford it, just say so and then move on... don't get angry at them, afterall it is their wedding so they can do what they want to do.

It's my view, which was asked for by the OP, you asked for my view on your own (made up?) situation, I gave it. You bring up some other interesting points and your own opinions.
But I think I've given my view now and will move on, to not bring the thread into a pointless argument.

Any

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I would prefer the wedding not to be abroad, but if it was, then whoever was asked to be paid for by the bride and groom.

Then if I wasn't asked, it could be explained to me that they would feel bad about asking anyone they couldn't afford to pay for. Or that only a very small wedding was wanted and they hoped we understood. Which I would, because it's their wedding

I don't like being asked to spend alot of money on someone else's wedding. I wouldn't put someone else in that situation, because I think it's rude and selfish.

Clear enough?

So for your wedding I suppose you are sending petrol money and hotel money and breakfast and lunch money for next day and the day before even if it is in the UK?

I have to agree, with cheap flights nowadays and late rooms it is quite often not more expensive and sometimes even cheaper to have wedding abroad!

Uk is so expensive for staying out, it is ridiculous. To be honest I think big weddings in general are so expensive in the UK and the bride&groom have so much stress already for having to invite who they are expected to invite rather then who they just want to invite and all the organising around etc that I don't blame them for just running to Vegas and doing it there!!:-))

Go to wedding you want to go, don't go to the one that is not to your liking, it is your life as much as it is their life, end of story.

I personally think that to go to a party only if it doesn't cost you a penny is the most selfish thing on the planet. But that is just me:D

Nara

This thread reminds me of why I'm not married yet after 12 years together with my partner:rotfl:

Person_one

Pee wrote: »

Back to the original post, you say it's your friend and that you don't feel you can afford it, so as other people have suggested, tell them that. On the other hand if you do have plans for a nice holiday yourself, I'd try and avoid them finding out about it, because they could be understandably upset. I think the problem is that you may not be able to afford it, but more likely you have other priorities for your money.

You say your OH does want to go so presumably he thinks that you could afford it?

Is it his friend, too?

I would agree that it is always quite expensive attending weddings, but it is an invite and you are allowed to say no.

I don't think being upset would be remotely understandable. Nobody gets to dictate how you spend your money, or where you go on holiday.

I don't love the trend of getting married abroad but still inviting all and sundry. The point of running off and eloping far away from home was so that you didn't have to invite anybody.

You have to pick what's most important to you, having all your friends and family there or having a nice holiday and getting married on a beach. Remember, yours isn't the only wedding in the world and it isn't nearly as important to anybody else as it is to you. I've been to the weddings of three good friends this summer, if they'd all been in Cuba or the Bahamas or Tuscany I'd be bankrupt.

Mojisola

Nara wrote: »

This thread reminds me of why I'm not married yet after 12 years together with my partner:rotfl:

It might explain why you haven't had a "wedding". Getting married can be very cheap.

Any

Just to add:
But for £500 per person I wouldn't go unless I wanted to go for holiday to that place.
I would just say "No I cannot accept, thank you. I wish you a lot of hapiness together and hope you have a lovely day!!"

Lotus-eater

Any wrote: »

So for your wedding I suppose you are sending petrol money and hotel money and breakfast and lunch money for next day and the day before even if it is in the UK?

I have to agree, with cheap flights nowadays and late rooms it is quite often not more expensive and sometimes even cheaper to have wedding abroad!

Uk is so expensive for staying out, it is ridiculous. To be honest I think big weddings in general are so expensive in the UK and the bride&groom have so much stress already for having to invite who they are expected to invite rather then who they just want to invite and all the organising around etc that I don't blame them for just running to Vegas and doing it there!!:-))

Go to wedding you want to go, don't go to the one that is not to your liking, it is your life as much as it is their life, end of story.

I personally think that to go to a party only if it doesn't cost you a penny is the most selfish thing on the planet. But that is just me:D

OK You wanted my opinion?
You are being ridiculous, I said I went to a wedding in Europe and we did it cheaply. The problem I have said about, is spending an awful lot of money on someone's wedding where you don't have a choice.
So most of your attention to myself has gone I'm afraid, maybe next time you could check the posts I've already made on the thread before launching into me.
Oh and don't answer other people while you are answering me. I haven't said half of the things you are talking about.

Birdie85

I'm another 'selfish' bride who got married abroad. It was what we wanted, we tried to plan a wedding in the UK but hearts were far from being in it so we asked our families how they felt about going away for the wedding and with their full support we had a wedding in the sun. We asked all of my DH's aunts and uncles, knowing that the majority wouldn't come but asked them to ensure that they didn't feel excluded, it never occurred to us that they'd be annoyed or angered by receiving the invite and all bar one sent a polite note declining the invitation due to work/health/finiancial reasons. We accepted that not everyone would come and didn't dwell on it. We didn't expect anyone to come but we knew that our parents and siblings could afford to come and they were happy to come so we decided that everyone else who attended would be a massive bonus.

What did annoy me, which is getting back to the OP, was the friends of ours who refused to give us an answer either way for months on end, even after the RSVP date had passed. The ones who came booked straight away, the rest kept telling us that they wanted to come but would have to see... Bearing in mind we told them what we were planning 6 months before we booked it/sent out invites and the invites went out a year before we went it's not like we sprung it on them, and at the time of telling them they all loved the idea and were all 'waiting for the details so that they could book it'. We really appreciated the friends who got in touch soon after receiving the invites to tell us that they couldn't come, but when you've got 10 people all saying that they might/might not come right up until 2 months before the wedding it's pretty upsetting, I'd have been much happier had everyone told us straight that they weren't coming, at least we would have known. We got married 6 months ago now and I'm still waiting for 2 people to RSVP!

If you're not going to be able to go, my advice is to let the couple know ASAP. Weddings abroad are less stressful in many ways than a UK wedding, but there are different types of stress that people don't consider. For us it was making sure that everyone got booked into the right hotel for the right dates and working a wedding date around everyone as there were some guests coming after the majority of the group. We also found out that the hotel was getting booked up quickly and few rooms were left so we were getting stressed out that if people did decide at the last minute that they would come, that there wouldn't be anywhere for them to stay. As long as you are honest with the couple I'm sure they'll appreciate the truth.

Oh and on the subject of how expensive it is to attend weddings, ours wasn't cheap at about £800 pp for 2 weeks all inclusive but everyone wanted to go for the holiday anyway and were happy to go, or they wouldn't have bothered. My DH is best man at a wedding in a couple of years time and we *have* to go as it's in the UK, although it means a 5 hour train journey and 2 nights in their expensive 4* wedding hotel in the middle of nowhere, a couple of expensive hotel meals, overpriced hotel drinks and we've been told that if we have a baby by then we're not allowed to bring it with us so we'll have to organise babysitting for 3 days. The whole thing is probably going to cost us £550+ yet the bride and groom have no issues with this, how is getting married 350 miles away from the groom's family and friends and expecting them all to attend any less selfish than a couple getting married abroad and appreciating every single person who comes with them?!

Mojisola

Birdie85 wrote: »

The whole thing is probably going to cost us £550+ yet the bride and groom have no issues with this, how is getting married 350 miles away from the groom's family and friends and expecting them all to attend any less selfish than a couple getting married abroad and appreciating every single person who comes with them?!

It isn't any different!

Newly_retired

Call me old fashioned - you'd be right- but this wedding business has become ridiculous.
I wish people would just get married in a simple ceremony, followed by a meal for immediate family, locally, then throw a party for everyone else later on.
Get rid of all the razzamatazz and expense. It's not necessary. A huge debt is no way to launch a marriage, nor for guests to shoulder to be part of the occasion.
Friends of mine ( second marriage) only invited family, about 24 people. When they tried to book a hotel using the word "wedding", the cost was huge. They tried again to book for a "family celebration meal" and were charged a fraction of the cost.
It's all gone crazy.
It's the marriage that matters, not the wedding.