Friend's Wedding

dizsiebubba

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I thought you just wanted your parents there?

I mean, i only need my parents there - that is all that is important to me... but my nan however has said she would be 'offended' if i got married abroad....

Lotus-eater

dizsiebubba wrote: »

I mean, i only need my parents there - that is all that is important to me... but my nan however has said she would be 'offended' if i got married abroad....

You do what you want, it's your wedding, not your nan's.

But bear in mind whoever you ask to go to Las Vegas will have the same thoughts as the people that posted on this thread, all the different views.

dizsiebubba

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You do what you want, it's your wedding, not your nan's.

But bear in mind whoever you ask to go to Las Vegas will have the same thoughts as the people that posted on this thread, all the different views.

Which is my point... if i dont ask them, they will get the hump... if i do ask them, they will get the hump... if i give in and have a white wedding in a golf club, me and oh will not be having the experience we want???

Lotus-eater

dizsiebubba wrote: »

Which is my point... if i dont ask them, they will get the hump... if i do ask them, they will get the hump... if i give in and have a white wedding in a golf club, me and oh will not be having the experience we want???

What do you want, a magic wand? :rotfl:

dizsiebubba

Lotus-eater wrote: »

What do you want, a magic wand? :rotfl:

You are missing the point here.... im trying to illstrate to everybody on here who thinks it is outrageoud that the OP has been asked to go abroad for a wedding, that the bride and groom can never seem to get it right and please everyone.... basically so they stop their moaning about the OPs friend and just offer constructive advice...

vroombroom

If OH ever gets round to asking me (leap year next year ladies:money:) we've decided to get married abroad, probably Greece as we both love it, mainly as my family are all over the place, one side hates the other, one aunt hates another aunt, one of my cousins is a trouble maker etc etc and I'd be too on edge to enjoy myself if it were in this country.

but OH has two sisters who are married and they both had big white church weddings and he said he doesn't want the whole circus of it.

It would just me, him, our son, his parents, my mum and my brother, then we'd have a big party for everyone when we got home.

I guess people will throw a hump over it but its our day, not theirs x

elvis86

Errata wrote: »

I've received a verbal invitation (to be followed by a posh paper one, no doubt) to a close relly's wedding. Travelling, hotel, dog kennel, new frock costs will add up to around £500 ! Wedding present on top of that lot and for the total amount I could have a week s/c in the Lake District with some very nice meals out.
I think I'll have to develop a case of diplomatic flu to avoid hurt feelings (theirs and mine).

Errata wrote: »

Tough, as far as I'm concerned There'll be plenty of people there with doggy bags and they'll make a saving through not having to keep me plied with copious amounts of gin.

What a horrible attitude!

If you can't afford to go or don't want to, by all means politely decline their invitation. But to accept with every intention of feigning illness and not turning up is disgusting. Far, far ruder than inviting someone to a wedding abroad!

I expect they'd be relieved to receive your "Wedding Regret" card (assuming you'd be courteous enough to send one) if you're as much of a misery as that post suggests, and delighted to be able to accomodate another guest who would appreciate the invitation.

I'm absolutely with people who say that it's unfair for a bride and groom to expect people to spend vast amounts of money (eg buying their own bridesmaids/ushers outfits or being offended if someone has to decline the invitation to a wedding abroad), but you can hardly begrudge costs associated with things like having something to wear or travelling to the venue.

What do you people want? For people to only invite you to their weddings if they are going to pay for your outfit, transport, accomodation (if necessary because of where you live in relation to where they've chosen to get married)..?

Lotus-eater

dizsiebubba wrote: »

You are missing the point here.... im trying to illstrate to everybody on here who thinks it is outrageoud that the OP has been asked to go abroad for a wedding, that the bride and groom can never seem to get it right and please everyone.... basically so they stop their moaning about the OPs friend and just offer constructive advice...

I would prefer the wedding not to be abroad, but if it was, then whoever was asked to be paid for by the bride and groom.

Then if I wasn't asked, it could be explained to me that they would feel bad about asking anyone they couldn't afford to pay for. Or that only a very small wedding was wanted and they hoped we understood. Which I would, because it's their wedding

I don't like being asked to spend alot of money on someone else's wedding. I wouldn't put someone else in that situation, because I think it's rude and selfish.

Clear enough?

dizsiebubba

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I would prefer the wedding not to be abroad, but if it was, then whoever was asked to be paid for by the bride and groom.

Then if I wasn't asked, it could be explained to me that they would feel bad about asking anyone they couldn't afford to pay for. Or that only a very small wedding was wanted and they hoped we understood. Which I would, because it's their wedding

I don't like being asked to spend alot of money on someone else's wedding. I wouldn't put someone else in that situation, because I think it's rude and selfish.

Clear enough?

But that is the point... that is just your opinion. What about people who have relatives that live abroad... what do you suggest then if the wedding is in the UK? They ahve to pay for their travel and board?

If you are married, did you pay all of your guests travel to attend? Was everybody local? or did you pay for peoples room overnight and breakfasts the next day?

We went to a wedding recently abroad, paid for ourselves as it was a week long holiday and had an amazing time while we were there. The couple sent us all invites and said to everybody that they would understand if people couldn't afford it.... over 100 guests went out for the wedding so obviously your opinion is not the same for everybody else.

Can you not see that Brides and Grooms do not take their decision to marry abroad lightly? If you get an invite and cant afford it, just say so and then move on... don't get angry at them, afterall it is their wedding so they can do what they want to do.

Pee

Back to the original post, you say it's your friend and that you don't feel you can afford it, so as other people have suggested, tell them that. On the other hand if you do have plans for a nice holiday yourself, I'd try and avoid them finding out about it, because they could be understandably upset. I think the problem is that you may not be able to afford it, but more likely you have other priorities for your money.

You say your OH does want to go so presumably he thinks that you could afford it?

Is it his friend, too?

I would agree that it is always quite expensive attending weddings, but it is an invite and you are allowed to say no.