Friend's Wedding

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

People's expectations are getting seriously out of hand though. Plenty of people think nothing of organising a weekend away with a different matching outfit or 'theme' each night and several activities each day for their hen or stag. Or an expensive luxury spa day followed by a fancy meal then a private room in a club.

Then for the wedding people are increasingly having them at expensive idyllic venues a substantial distance from where they and most of their friends and family live, so that if you want a glass of wine to make the speeches go faster and agadoo more fun, you have to pay to spend the night or for a taxi to take you 30 miles home. Not to mention the fact that more and more couples have 'child free' weddings so parents have to figure out what to do with the kids. So many these days ask for cash instead of a present, so you can't even economise there and find a good bargain in the sales, they will know the exact amount you consider them worthy of.

You are allowed to say no, but you have weigh up the cost to the friendship and decide what matters most to you, sadly, a lot of people feel under immense pressure to cough up and just get on with it, or you aren't being supportive of their oh so special day.

I blame wedding !!!!!!. People want the lavish celebrity style weddings they see in Hello or on TV, forgetting that those people can afford them!

I see what you're saying and am very thankful that my circle of family and friends have more realistic expectations. If I had a 'friend' who put me under presssure to fall in with expensive plans like those described they wouldn't be a friend much longer.

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

Please don't fool yourself that you were doing your friends a favour.

Remember, plenty of us can't afford to take a foreign holiday every year, and when its such a rare occurrence I for one don't want to be dictated to. I don't like hot climates or beach holidays especially, if I'd been saving for three years to go to the Norwegian fjords and you think I'll be happy to drop those plans to go to Aruba for your wedding, you can think again!

I didnt get married with the intent of giving anyone a 'favour' but if someone wants to take me out for a meal to say thanks, they clearly had a good time didnt they?

The majority of the people who we invited do tend to go on holiday every year or more somewhere hot so that didnt apply either. If they had been saving to go somewhere else I didnt really care thats their choice. No one is dictating your holiday. You simply reply saying no if you dont want to go.

*Louise*

danielley wrote: »

My OH and I have attended 7 couples weddings over the past 4 years and I have just worked out what we spent

Wedding 1 - Stag Do £350, Hen Do £0, Hotel Room £90, Gift £50, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £100, New Dress £85 Total = £755

Wedding 2 - Stag Do £350, Hen Do £400, Hotel Room £69, Gift £100, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £0, New Dress £45 Total = £1044

Wedding 3 - Stag Do £0, Hen Do £400, Hotel Room £100, Gift £50, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £100, New Dress £65 Total = £795

Wedding 4 - Stag Do 350, Hen Do £400, Hotel Room £100, Gift £100, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £0, New Dress £35 Total = £965

Wedding 5 - Stag Do 350, Hen Do £400, Hotel Room £100, Gift £50, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £100, New Dress £60 Total = £1140

Wedding 6 - Stag Do 350, Hen Do £0, Hotel Room £100, Gift £50, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £0, New Dress £0 Total = £580

Wedding 7 - Stag Do £350, Hen Do £0, Taxi Home £24, Gift £50, Spends £80, Usher suit hire £100, New Dress £65 Total = £669

That totals a whopping £5948!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it!

And I haven't included 3 family weddings in there, one of which was in San Francisco!

Wow....just wow. And I would bet there was other bits and bobs in between as well.

I have 2 tips for you

1) Stop going to hen/stag do's
2) but OH his own ushers suit...you will save a fortune in the long run:rotfl::rotfl:


Seriously though - if anyone expected us to attend a stag/hen do costing hundereds of pounds I would think they had gone daft. OTT in my opinion. And don't even get me started why it's traditional to go see Strippers. I have never got the connection that you are about to marry the love of your life so why not celebrate by going out and looking at other naked people dancing about? Okaaay :eek::rotfl:

Mojisola

Birdie85 wrote: »

Funnily enough Mojisola, our friends don't agree with your statement that their wedding (and expecting everyone to go) is no different to ours, as they're being 'kind' enough to get married within the UK they assume that we're all going to drop everything and spend a fortune to go to Aberdeen. In a sense we were kinder by getting married abroad as people had more reason to say no and not have to spend a penny on our wedding rather than a big party of us being obliged to go to their wedding and spend our year's holiday budget on one weekend!

That's the bit I wouldn't agree with. I'd feel no more "obliged" to go to Aberdeen than I would to some overseas resort.

Torry_Quine

Mojisola wrote: »

That's the bit I wouldn't agree with. I'd feel no more "obliged" to go to Aberdeen than I would to some overseas resort.

Aberdeen would be glad to have you.

ab7167

I'm getting married on Friday and we were very conscious about cost for our guests. We are having it at a hotel in a village, but it is one that has a number of pubs and B&B's as well, so plenty of options that are cheap within walking distance. Out of the 66 guests, 14 of them are children! What really shocked me was the hotel wedding coordinator saying that people who book the whole hotel including rooms (we have) sell the rooms onto their friends for MORE than the hotel would normally charge - like it's some kind of privilege to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom that you have to pay for?!? We allocated the rooms in the hotel foremost to those who had children so they could put kids to bed and not worry about staying up late, then to people who were travelling the farthest. We have asked for a contribution to the cost of the room, but we are subsiding out guests to about 50% of the cost, so it is no more expensive than the B&B's in the village. The wedding coordinator was shocked when we told her this is what we were doing. I was saddened that people would charge over the going room rate to a friend...

Luckyred

I remember one colleague telling me that she had decided on New York for her hen do! :eek: She was really excited about it. It didnt take long for the excitement to fade as none of her friends could afford it. My hen do was a meal and a drink or two in a local restaurant..... just me, MOH and a couple more friends. We had a lovely evening. It was many moons ago, how times have changed and not always for the better.

GobbledyGook

The crux of the problem, imo, is that people (especially brides in my experience) have forgotten that what gets sent out is an invitation. It's not, and shouldn't be seen as, a summons or obligation.

I had a fall out with a friend who was extremely unhappy that I said no to her £800+ 4 day boozy long-weekend in benidorm. apparently the costs had been worked on everyone 'bothering' to go.

She actually called me a selfish cow when I said I wasn't going to her wedding. When you have a child free wedding you should be prepared that some people won't be able to come. My ex has his best friends wedding the same day where he is best man so can't have the children. There's no-one else that could take them for the overnight I'd need (she is getting married a 9 hour drive away because it's pretty) You'd think I'd done something completely heinous the way she has taken it.

No concept of what an invitation actually is.

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see what you're saying and am very thankful that my circle of family and friends have more realistic expectations. If I had a 'friend' who put me under presssure to fall in with expensive plans like those described they wouldn't be a friend much longer.

Luckily, my friends are mostly sensible too, but even some of the normally sane and reasonable ones started getting a bit OTT with their weddings, and displayed a stubborn unwillingness to listen to gentle hints that what they were planning might be a bit hard on their guests.

Even previously rational people are falling victim to the idea that anyone who doesn't throw themselves into your dream day whole-heartedly just doesn't care about you. It doesn't help that there are a million magazines, TV shows and wedding planning websites out there that validate that feeling.

Wilma33

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I remember that she was nervous and felt a bit guilty about asking people from here to go there, some of which didn't get invited to the wedding, but only to the party afterwards.

People travelled to another country and only got invited to the evening do?! :eek: