Help ... could do with some good honest advice

gingin_2

In practical terms I don't think you will get a visa unless you are married, especially if you are a British passport holder. You can't just up sticks and go to live in the USA without either a green card, or sponsorship through employment.

Acc72

FattyBettyBoo wrote: »

We 'dated' then it turned into more of a relationship around October time.

He lost his job but was OK due to lots of savings he could live off.

On 24th Jan he left for Australia saying he had no idea if or when he was coming back.

Two days after he got there he emailed and said he'd changed his mind and would come back on a few months.

on 13th May he came back.

So, to summarise :

So you were a couple for 4 months before he left for Australia.

Although he missed you on day 2 of his trip, it still took him 4 months to come back (the same length as your relationship), despite having the finances.

He has only been back for 3 months.


You are still in the honeymoon period. It does sound as though he gets bored easily and likes a change of scenery (and is not afraid to seek that change).

Ask him to hold his plans for a year to see how your relationship goes before making such a big move, and see what he says.

Such big moves are the norm to him as he has travelled and lived around the world, but this is a much bigger move for you (not least because of your child).

kazwookie

I'd let him of to USA and once you see his is earning mega bucks to support you / has a house/ and the job is stable, THEN I would consider going out for a short holiday say 3 or 4 weeks to see if it is all real.

THEN

If it is ok, you need you consider your child first, with her father agree to her living else where in the world, and then your visa's etc. you have NOT thought this through.

podperson

The bit that stands out for me is that he refuses to say that he will stay if you decide you don't want to move with him. While some people might say that it's fair enough that he values his career and wants to take up what could be a great opportunity then unfortunately it would suggest to me that you're not at the stage in your relationship yet where he sees you as the number one priority in his life - and that's something I would want if I was considering moving myself and my child halfway across the world for someone.

FattyBettyBoo

The only plan at the moment is that they probably want him to go over in a few weeks get a feel for the job and place, and he wants me to go with him.

you have NOT thought this through.

no, because this all happened last night and I've had no sleep. I cant think straight which is why i came on here - you're all dong that for me!! Its helped just writing it all down

FattyBettyBoo

I suppose the logical thing to do would be to suggest we get married - VISA and commitment issues sort it one go!!

balletshoes

FattyBettyBoo wrote: »

I suppose the logical thing to do would be to suggest we get married - VISA and commitment issues sort it one go!!

you are joking - right????

Tropez

FattyBettyBoo wrote: »

I suppose the logical thing to do would be to suggest we get married - VISA and commitment issues sort it one go!!

Do you want to get married though?

It is worth bearing in mind that being married to a US worker does not automatically guarantee you any rights to stay in the United States. In fact, if the USCIS have any reason to believe that the reason you got married or decided to become engaged was specifically to try and obtain a visa to stay in the United States they'll deport you immediately.

Youdontseeme

It could be a wonderful opportunity!

Might be worth baring in mind that as he is Canadian he also needs to apply for a visa to work in the states. (Did no one see The Proposal???)

Therefore it may affect you being able to live there for a while.

As he is going to be earning loads, I would go for lots of holidays for a year or two, then make some decisions.

Actually I would be off like a shot, but I dont have kids to think about!!

Good luck!
YDSM

k0nstantine

In my opinion this guy sounds a bit too flakey.
If it was just you and him, fair enough you have nothing to lose, but you have to consider your daughter in all of this.
It is really fair to take a 5 yr old child away from the people and places she knows, her family, etc, and drag her half way across the world with some guy you've kind of known for a year?
I don't have any kids myself, but i know that my 6 yr old nephew would be extremely upset if this happened to him and he was forced to start a new life away from everyone and everything he knew, and face the possibility of rarely seeing his grandparents. Heck, when he's gone away with my sister/parents for a week or two, he's always saying how he misses me or his uncle, and counts down the days until he can see us again.
Then there's things like medical care/health insurance which you have to pay for in the US.
What about schooling, has your daughter started yet?
Then you have to consider how long your bf will stay in California. What if he gets offered a job else where with a better wage? Would you be happy to uproot your daughter all over again?