Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

Homeagain

I tend to agree. It is far to soon to consider paying off her debts. You could help in other ways though, e.g. buying groceries, putting petrol in her car etc i.e expenses that are current but certainly not paying off the entire amount of her debt. No it won't work.

katieclampet

NO!!!

It is a kind thought to pay your gf debt off, BUT.. It wont teach her anything, she might feel she "owes you", and if the relationship breaks up youmight never see your money again. You dont know whats round the corner, you might need the money for yourself or your family. Giving her moral support and advice, (with the occasional treat, or night out) is the way to go.


katie

DhirenSangh

Ifyou really love her, I would suggest to pay her debt off by monthly instalment of £1000. This will allow you 16 months to know her better aand secure your relationship with her. Good Luck.

TBagpuss

No. If you pay off the debt the risk is that she will then build up new debt, and that you will end up souring the relationship as she may resent you wanting to be paidback, & you come to resent her if shedoesnt, or if she doesn't change her bad habits where finances are concerned.

Help her by offering emotional support, encourage her to talk to CCCS (free debt advice), offer advice about better money management if/ when she asks, and help out by providing the occasional treat to help her to keep going with the hard work of paying off the debt.

mariamunkey

I would pay off someone's debt if I loved them no problem. But I would have to be satisfied that if we did split I would still have been happy to have done it - and just look on it as a gift.
If you expect something from her for the money, even just committment then don't do it. That needs to be given freely!!

phonoplug

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. She was getting close to £5k debt and still spending more than she earned. I made her put her credit card through the shreadder then got a loan in my name (so the interest rate was low) with her account having the direct debit to pay it back over 2 years. Perhaps that was quite a risk to take, but she stuck with it and after the 2 years hard slog, really appreciated the new found freedom of not having debts.

She's not got into debt since and has even opened a couple of savings accounts.

In hindsight I should probably have made her sign a promissory note acknowledging that the loan, though in my name, was her responsibility to pay back. Fortunately it wasn't needed though and she's now my wife

funnybird

Absolutely not! She got herself into the mess, so it's up to her to get out of it and learn how to control her spending. It's commendable that you are trying to help her and i agree that you could treat her every now and then to meals out, etc, but it is not your debt to pay off. You earnt your money and are wise enough to look after it, so i suggest your support is more valuable than your bank balance (unless you win the lottery!) and if she doesn't appreciate that, then i'd head for the door! Good luck!

Morticia1

No way should you pay off her debts!

She will never learn if you give her the easy way out and could end up in the same situation in years to come and you may not be around to bail her out again. After all you've only been together for 8 months, you may pay off her debts then split up and lose your savings.

catford

No way should you bail her out!!:eek: ...four years skint will teach her to budget better.:D

Tuesday

Nooooo
Paying off her debts would be to reward her for getting into debt and would only encourage her to do it again. If you love her, help her to budget, but please don't take the responsibility for paying her debts away from her. It won't help in the long run.