Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

536 Posts
Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay off her debts?
I've been dating this girl for 8 months now and she told me she had debt problems so bad she avoided opening her post for over 18 months. She hasn't told anyone else about this problem, not even her family. Over the past few months I've been helping her sort out all her statements and helped her enrol in a debt management plan. She earns a modest salary and the level of debt she is in means she's going to have very little personal spending money for at least 4 years before the debt is paid off. I earn a lot of money but I've always lived a modest lifestyle and I've never been in debt my whole life. I've got more than enough savings to pay off her debt, which is close to £16,000. I really like her and would love to take the stress away from her but at the same time I have doubts about if it's the right thing to do.
Click reply to have your say
Previous MMDs: View All
[threadbanner] box [/threadbanner]
0
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides
Replies
How would you feel if you paid it off & then she left you next week?!
I personally think that your support and maybe suggestions on how to pay it off would be of more use to her than the money.
No. Don't pay off the debts but you can help her to pay them off herself. Advise, support and getting the help thats needed is the way to go. You could offer to pay for more nights rather than her paying if you wanted to support her in a different area; that way she has more of her own money to throw at those debts.
Make sure she goes to a free debt charity - not a company you find on Google and will charge her silly amounts for setting up payment plans etc.
If it were me, I'd pay for a few treats every now and again if she's not going to be able to afford them herself. Maybe the occasional trip to the cinema, or take away etc. That way you're still helping her out, but without making any (risky) long term commitments.
If I were constantly on the receiving end of the acts of generosity I've suggested, I'd probably feel quite guilty for using your cash for such means, but there are loads of ways of making it more palatable. E.g. being the free one on Orange wednesdays, or nabbing the free Domino's pizza on Two for Tuesdays!
£2 Savers Club 2019 #18 TOTAL:£394 (2013-2018 = £1542)
So far, you have no financial bad habits. The young lady however, needs to learn several tough lessons & just making her debt disappear is not how she'll learn.
Plan together for a serious holiday (honeymoon?) in 4 years time. You may not get that far together, but she has an additional incentive.
No more toiletries/make up until I've used what I've got stashed since Jan 2011, graduated October 2012. Restocked Dec 13..damn those sales
Absolutely no way.
No matter how many 'very special kisses' she offers you.
In the meantime, support her in other ways. Help her identify where her money goes and keep her budget on track. Pay for some treats and trips but not too often. Can you help her find a better paid job?
Good luck!
Pay for the things you need before you dream about the stuff you want :think: