Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Money Saving Polls
202 replies 53.3K views


  • No, No, a thousand times no, I married one of these and didn't get out of the red until we divorced 21 years later.
  • No way. She has to learn the hard way
  • scotsbobscotsbob Forumite
    4.6K Posts
    Dump her and move on, she is trouble.

    If you really do want to waste £16,000 on women then there are more enjoyable ways that will give you more value for your money.
  • No. My OH and I have been together for four and a half years, engaged for eighteen months. He brought several £k of debt to the relationship. I had my own baggage after my divorce (ex left me paying all the joint debts). Now all my debts are almost clear, but OH has been doing the "head in the sand" routine about his.

    I spent a lot of years trying to support my ex after he decided he didn't want to work. At one point, I was paying the mortgage, bills and debt on my own salary, and he was going out and drinking £30 a day in the pub and not earning a penny to contribute to the household. After I got us back on track and supported him into a new job, he left me for someone else, took our joint bank account £900 over limit and promptly quit his job again. As much as I adore my fiance, I won't ever do again what I did with my ex. I don't mind paying a little extra towards household bills while he pays off his debt and being emotionally supportive while he digs himself out, it's a hole that he dug for himself and I feel if I bail him out, what's to stop him from making the same mistakes all over again? OH earns pretty much the same salary as me, so he can work to clear it just as I've worked to clear mine.
    Probably sounds heartless :o and I do love him to bits and would do pretty much anything for him, but I draw the line at the risk of my own financial security.
    Original debts: £14,250
    Still to pay: £250 /£950 - Lloyds TSB overdraft (although with interest and charges, I've already paid £1,675!)

    VSP#150 - £68.25
  • I have never posted on this forum before but felt compelled to do so today, just to say, don't do it!
  • edited 10 August 2011 at 12:48AM
    robynprincessrobynprincess Forumite
    46 Posts
    edited 10 August 2011 at 12:48AM

    Sorry I didnt expend but I dont feel that I need to really. Maybe in a few years you will get married and maybe then you could pay them off for her or at least pay for other things so she can pay things off herself but seriously, what are you thinking? You must be a lovely person to even think of doing something so selfless and you should be proud of yourself for thinking of doing this but PLEASE listen and dont do it. I too have done it in your situation, in fact i took out loans in MY name to clear my ex's debt and he sodded off and quit paying me back after 2 repayments. I then took him to court and won (£8k i might add!) and then he made himself bankrupt so I will never see the money again. You wont be helping her by paying it off, maybe you could suggest she puts most of her money into paying it off and you pay for meals out etc?
  • no do not pay off her debts, you have already helped her by sorting out the debt and if you break up you have then lost your savings and would need to start again.... what you could do is think of cheaper dates to go out or free ones while she is paying back the money
  • erdd2erdd2 Forumite
    1.1K Posts
    One of the fastest ways to break up a relationship/friendship is to lend/borrow money. Your intentions are admirable, but you would really not be helping her in the long run....helping her devise and manage a debt plan is more than most would do....most would be running in the opposite direction!
  • SaetanaSaetana Forumite
    1.3K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Hey, a money moral dilemma on which we all (so far) agree, now that is unusual! Definitely do NOT pay off your girlfriend's debt for her, aside from the fact she would learn nothing from the experience you have not been together long enough and, even if you had, paying that kind of sum out at once would be idiocy given you can get the interest frozen on all her debts if you go about it the right way via the CAB or other free debt advice agency. Help her out instead by paying for your dates and supporting her as she pays back her debts.
    2020 Wins:
  • There is no "should" or "shouldn't" about this one.

    The question is do you want to? and the answer to that should be based on whether you want to make a gift to a friend, not on how long you have been dating. There is never anything wrong with giving a gift, but it is just that, not an obligation and if you are only doing it because she's your girlfriend it's probably the wrong thing to do if the realtionship has only been going for eight months.

    Of course if you are going to get married that's a different question, then of course your finances become joint. and a good starting point is the honesty she has shown in letting you know her financial situation. How many peoople just try to hide this sort of problem even from their partners?
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