Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

blissbaby

I agree with everyone else - you will be doing her a massive injustice in the long run. And talking of long run, you may well be signing up for a life time of grief if you choose to spend your life with someone who has such drastically different ideas about money/savings/debts from you.
Lovely, generous, selfless thought but no, no, no!
You have been warned!!
Best of luck,
BB

bogwart

Like most people I would be very wary of this, however strong your feelings for the young lady may be. I can understand the not opening the post thing because that is often a result of clinical depression, which leads me to ask a question which is the most important part you didn't mention. How did she run up £16k worth of debt?

If you are determined to help her out why not see how she does over the next 12 months? I understand that she doesn't have much discretionary spending power, but she's far from being alone in that. See how she does on her own with the help of your debt management plan, and make a decision - or come back here - after that time. Good luck.

juliejim

No chance - I've been stung in the past by doing this - would never recommend anyone to do it.

maiasopohie

You sound very kind but unless you have been co-habiting or at leat 5 yrs, please dont go there. How would you feel if you paid & then you split up. A MUG!!!

If you are engaged, then fine. If you dont expect to stay with her for the rest of your life - WEDLOCK (it's not called that for no reason!) then don't bother.

(Divorcee speaking!!)

sidb

no way, she probally go and get into debt again, been there ,done that and ex got into debt again to the tune of £20,000

joehoover

Ceratinly not, with my debt for the past 10 years and almost free of it I have taught myself a valuable lesson from working this out for myself, I have newly honed budgeting skills and know I can begin saving when the debts are cleared.

If you don't learn from building up debt and clearing it then the cycle will just as easily happen again and this time you could be dragged down with it. My partner of 5 years has offered to help me but I have not let them, they have insisted on paying for occasional treats instead, which is nice, but I control the household budget to make sure we can have more money to clear debt and still have a good quality of life, if the budget were in their hands despite them having more money, it would just be blown in an instant and then we'd both be in the same boat, so being moneywise is helping us both in the longterm.

It may be tight int he beginning whilst the debts go down, but believe me one, however small, is cleared, the weight off your mind is such a great feeling, and just spurs you to carry on.

Deedee9

No , never - she made the debt herself, the only reason she is paying it back is because you are helping her and making her face up to the debt.
When someone is too frightened to even open a letter then she needs help to deal with the consequences.
You would not help her by waving a magic wand over her debt and clearing it - she will not learn how to deal with her finances, and you have maybe helped her become aware of the fact that if you spend it you pay it back in full - and more as the interest rate is probably quite high.

I think the help you are extending towards her by showing her how to cope and that she can pay it back is the best thing you can do.

SusanSpain

Like this post...
As for the answer... Only you can decide.
But if it helps to hear an outsiders voice -
16K is a lot of wodge, even if you have it to 'spare', but remember you worked hard/lived a modest life to accru that.
I like the idea that you could treat her now and again for special things (or just things you would like to do but perhaps know it might put pressure on her if you demanded she go too and had to pay her way.)

My step daughter met her new BF 2 yrs ago. She went into the relationship with debts of 20K plus. (I think in the end she went bankrupt to get herself out of trouble). There was a playment plan somewhere in place (when she started to earn again), and 2 yrs later she has broken even.
Her BF is self-employed and a hard worker and has 100K in the bank (plus no mortgage.) He did not bail her out exactly, but did support her by giving her a roof over her head and only letting her contribute to the bills when she was clear of debt. (She has now even got to the stage of buying a cheap run around and paying her own way.)
Sometimes making people see the error of their ways/giving them support without throwing cash at it is the better option.

(If you do feel compelled to pay off her debt, please, please make it a loan, even if a low interest one -and get a legal document to this effect.)

Money is a strange thing and it can motivate people in all sorts of ways.

(I am hoping GF is as committed to the relationship as you. Good luck for a good future together

meknowalot-51

Of course you should,then you'll both be skint but at least you'll have each other for ever and ever........thing is you haven't.Follow your gut instinct which is telling you it's her debt not yours.If she had told you from day one that she had debt problems i'll bet you would have got rid.She waited untill you were well and trully hooked then dropped this one,very clever.Think yourself lucky she's not pregnant or your both not signed up to any financial commitment.Learn by it and keep your guard up.

ijusthadtocomment

You are obviously a nice guy and smart when it comes to money and while you have been seeing each other for a while, it' still a bit early for the 'what's mine is yours'.

As a CAB worker who deals with only debt, I know there a various reasons why people had debt problems and it is the minority who simply spend without worrying or trying to pay it back, however most people do have issues with budgeting, at least.

Get your girlfried to go to her local CAB or Council Money Advice Service if there is one, or as others have posted a free Money Advice Counselling Service.

You would help her more in long run (and yourself if the relationship doesn't last) by helping her to set up and maintain a repayment programme. Unfortunately, she will have to cut back on luxuries, but she is in a more fortunate position than most that you are able to afford to treat her now and again.

If she lives in Scotland she can apply to The Debt Arrangement Scheme (DAS) via an Approved Money Adviser (most CABx have them), if she is eligible and approved onto the scheme, interest and charges are fixed from the date of approval, unlike the voluntary schemes offered by some free Money Advice services or the fee chargers. Some private companies offer the DAS too, but charge a fee for set up and maintenance, however they are required, by law, to tell any applicant that the can access the scheme for free.

Good luck for the future.