Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

fatal1955

If someone has a problem with debt, paying off the debts for them is potentially counterproductive because it doesn't deal with whatever it was that got them into debt in the first place. It would be much better to help her deal with the problem herself, which first means helping her to face the problem rather than hiding from it. It sounds like this is what you are already doing. However, it might also be worth putting her in touch with one of these debt charities which, in addition to helping a person budget, would also take over the job of dealing with their creditors for them, which can be a real boon. Personally I think they do a wonderful job which is why I support one on a regular basis.

If you wanted to do something monetary as well, then maybe you looking for a way to help her pay off her debts herself. I would suggest a small weekly standing order to supplement her income but only until she gets her finances on a solid footing. That way she'll feel that, albeit with your help, she got herself out of debt. I know the knight-in-shining-armour is a tempting stereotype but I reckon you should resist the temptation

In case you're worried, if you give to her from your taxed income I understand that she wouldn't be liable to pay tax on it herself.

Giselle27

I seem to be the only person saying a wholehearted YES to paying off your girlfriend's debts. I was left with around £ 10,000 in debts when my marriage broke up because I was afraid of threats from my ex. As a single parent, I struggled for years, and learnt many hard lessons about increasing debts. I then met my current partner, when I had paid off about half of the debts. He inherited a large amount of money when his mum died and he could easily have wiped out my debts for me (we had been together then for fifteen years). However, he gave me just
£ 100 to 'treat' myself. I felt very bitter and lost a lot of respect for him. I have now had the burden of debt for thirty-five years. It doesn't goes up much but then it doesn't come down much either. I would really respect anyone who would clear all or part of my debts and I think your girlfriend would be more likely to stay around and love you if you help her over this crippling hurdle. Anyway, don't forget the old law of titheing - whatever you give out will come back to you ten-fold. Please help her.

SidC_3

Not surprising to find that people who subscribe to a money-saving site like this advise against paying off someone else's debts ... but there's more to life than money, you know! Lots of comments saying '8 months isn't very long', without saying how long would be long enough. And several suggestions that you should pay for dates etc - which is just a very slow way of paying off her debts. I'd say that linking her debts and how long you've known her is not a good way to look at things. Some say she has to learn a lesson ... well, if she hasn't opened her post for 18 months, and is too ashamed to tell her family, I'd say she's learned something ... and if she's now managing her debts, ditto. Personally, if I was fond of someone and I could afford it, I'd pay ...

[Ah ... I see Giselle has also posted, while I was busy registering and composing my thoughts ... I agree, Gisellle!]

Pete_the_trucker

It would be daft of you to pay off her debts. You are doing the right thing by getting her to manage her money properly to pay off this debt. If you stay together through this she WILL thank you & your bond will be very strong. I wish you luck.

JoannaS_3

I agree with the majority of posters that it probably isn't helpful to either of you if you just pay your girlfriend's debt off for her, but, I'm sure there is a compromise.......

Work out with her what she can reasonably afford to pay off every month (bearing in mind that she will need a little for the things you do as a couple) and then perhaps you could match it or half of it?

This way you feel better as you are helping her and she can still afford to live but you're not giving away money that you have clearly worked very hard for and spent many years saving up.

The length of your relationship is irrelevant really but as humans our feelings naturally change with time and no one knows what waits for us around the corner so I would follow your heart for now by helping but don't jump in too quickly as far as paying all the debt off goes......it doesn't take long to wrack up and once your money's gone there won't be anything left to bail either of you out.

Either that or you draw up a legal financial agreement where your girlfirend pays you X each month until she has paid you back...that way whether your relationship lasts forever or just another week, you won't have lost your savings!!

Good luck with whatever decision you make!! :beer:

toshkininny

Is she with you because she knows you have the money, and may be hoping for help?

I think if you can afford to do it and you want to pay it, then do so, but bear in mind that you may never see that money again if you split up.

captain5

Hi,
I was with my ex for over 2 years and she had student debt and others to £8k. I got a loan out to help her as her credit rating was non existant. After 1 more year she left dumped me and stop the loan payments. I am still paying these off after 3 more years.
What ever you do DO NOT GET THE MONEY FOR HER!!!!!!!!

Youll be the mug like me fella then!!!!

System

EGC wrote: »

Have you considered moving in together? You could pay the rent/mortgage, utility and food bills, she could repay her debts - and repay you by doing all the housework and cooking. You'd still be being wildly generous, and would at least find out what she's really like without paying sixteen grand for the privilege.

I thought this was a little rash when I first read it but the more I think about it the more I like it. As the house would be in your name if things didn't work out you'd still be in a financially stable position as you wouldn't be spending any extra (apart from food bills I suppose), you'd be giving her the opportunity to more towards her debt and you get to keep your savings.

toshkininny

Lyndy wrote: »

I thought this was a little rash when I first read it but the more I think about it the more I like it. As the house would be in your name if things didn't work out you'd still be in a financially stable position as you wouldn't be spending any extra (apart from food bills I suppose), you'd be giving her the opportunity to more towards her debt and you get to keep your savings.

yep and he gets a cleaner and cook with favours!!!!

Squire_Fulwood

This is not meant to be rude but it expresses my feelings in this matter. The opening song from Barnum

There is a sucker born every minute
Each time the second hand sweeps to the top
Like dandelions up they pop
Ears so big and eyes so wide
And though I feed them bona fide baloney
With no truth in it
Why you can bet I'll find some Rube to buy my corn
'Cos there's a sure and shooting sucker born each minute
And I'm referring to the minute you were born.

A little harsh I admit but I have heard similar tales before and they all came to grief.

Locally a young woman stole money from the Post Office to pay debts for a boyfriend who did not hang around for the arrest.

If she doesn't have much to live on then she has been behaving as though she has. You can't run up debts like that without spending the money.

Sorry but the sort of help I would give her is to teach her to budget and pay back the money herself. At this point you may find she finds another boy friend.

If anyone is confused I read the OP's original question and wrote an answer. I did not read the 200 posts in between because they often don't stay on topic.