Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

cosmic4444

Hi there,

I think this is a really good thing, and the best thing to do give her an interest free loan to pay off her debt, and not just give her the money. So the interest will stop accummulating on her loans which would mean she could pay off her debt to you not in 4 but maybe 3 years time?

Potentially though, this arrangement could ruin the relationship - because she might just ignore the arrangement and put you in an uncomfortable situation... so depends on how decent a person she is really.

On another note, if it looks like the big gap in your earnings is a long term thing (i.e. in her chosen profession she always will be on a modest salary) then in the long run you probably will end up having a much greater contribution to your joint spending - (this is not necessarily a bad thing btw!) - so you indirectly will end up paying some of that debt, iyswim

Denovo99

I havent read all the posts, so this may have been suggested before, but why dont you offer to match her ability to pay back on a 2-for-1 basis. So, for every 2 quid she pays back, you pay 1, in other words, 33%, OR
you could just give her an interest free loan so the debt doesnt keep increasing. the trouble with that is that she could pay off her debt and do a runner, but in the case of the former, it at least encourages her to stay around for a few months longer and dsoent tie you to anything either if you find someone else.

Marco12452

Wow, thats a huge decision !!
I would continue down the line you are going. You seem to have some disposable cash, so she should be grateful for the help you are giving and the fact she is unlikely to need spending money when with you.
If you bail her out she has been given a get of jail free card and learned nothing.

alittlemadam

All I can say is No dont do it.

My husband was in debt when we met. We sat down and worked out how much debt he was in and what he could afford to pay out each month. From there I contacted all the people he owed money too and explained that he could only afford to pay a lesser amount, everybody was happy.

I then took off him his cash card, cheque book and any other bank accounts he had access to and gave he a set amount of money each week for him to spend (treated him like a child really). Even to this day I still hold all the bank accounts but he is now debt free and has bought himself a car to which he paid cash for. He hated it at first but once he saw that he had savings he's gone from one extreme to another and has to justify to himself if its a needs or a must.

one_single_lady

Hi Please, please, please DO NOT PAY your girl friends debts.
I, over a long marriage, paid my husbands debts again and again. The last time, I had to agree to re mortgage the house since he had secret debts of over £50,000-00. Credit cards I knew nothing about, he maxed them out. Debt collectors were after him I had no choice . I have now divorced him but he has bled me dry.
If you pay your girl friends debts this time, how much will they be next time!!!!! Worse than that will she still be around when it's pay back!!!!!! Help her with a budget but keep your own cash.

one_single_lady

Just read your post I had the same kind of experience but my, now divorced husband, applied for and received credit cards using a different address. I knew nothing of these cards but was laible for the debts nevertheless, £50,000-00 now all paid I never wish to see him ever again.

Thegirl

skylight wrote: »

You could offer to pay for more nights rather than her paying if you wanted to support her in a different area; that way she has more of her own money to throw at those debts.

I think this and offering to stay in with her/doing free activities with her would be more helpful.
She needs to pay the debt off or at least start paying the debt off herself otherwise she'll never learn.
I speak from experience as a girl who totally had her head in the sand over her finances when I met my now husband. He offered to pay them off, I refused, best lesson I ever had paying those debts back.
He helped support me by being there, helping me deal/cope with everything (it's not fun adding it all up and knowing you have no way to pay it all off anytime soon) and going out and doing stuff with me that was fun but wasn't spending cash I didn't have.

Ker_ching_2

No way Jose - some lessons have to be learnt the hard way. :rotfl:

magdor

Persuade your girlfriend to go somewhere like the Citizens Advice Bureau who give free and confidential advice about her debts. They will prepare a financial statement which will show what her best options are. If the best option is repayment, you could help her out if you wanted to. Make sure she isn't going to be a drain on you before you consider a serious relationship with her!

scottiemac

No way. This would only come back and bite you. Pay this off and she will think she has hit the mother lode. Been there and done that. Paid off everything and was happy that there was no more debt. Then I find out that all the parcels etc are being delivered to the workplace. I only found out when I accidentally open a letter and found out it was from a debt collector / lawyer. Then someone suggested it would be better to buy things from Germany because the VAT was less than UK and who is going to send a debt collector to UK. Nightmare. As my old granny used to say, neither a borrower or a lender be. Wise words.