My boyfriend said "Yes.I'll marry you" on facebook...

Wickedkitten

Charley.christian wrote: »

we cant live together before. His mums a strict christian and is not letting us move in together until we're married. she says its Unchristian.

He's not a mummys boy is he?

Elle7

I'm shocked that he managed to convince you that he didn't want it...if you've had sex I presume you understand the...physical things which need to happen for her to be able to do that to him? And why did he not complain when she was undressing him?

I think your willingness to forgive him, combined with your other comments about not being able to do any better and having no friends but needing no one but him show a very low self-esteem...do you do anything for yourself?

I think finding some friends and spending some time away from him would be a good idea. I know you feel safe and loved with him, but if you can make yourself a strong, independent woman he will admire you for it. Plus, he won't cheat on you, because he'll know you know you'll find someone better, and he won't want to lose you. Whatever he says, at the moment he knows he'll get away with it.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Well said Elle7, lets face it, if he didn't want the BJ he could've pushed her away screaming 'rape'. then again as she 'does it to all the boys with girlfriends' I suppose he though it was just his turn, and something he had to endure. How tough on him, poor guy, but well done for coping.

Sorry OP but if he is really just happy with hugs from you, he's getting the rest elsewhere.

Jesswithwings

sophief333 wrote: »

Well my husband and I are strong atheists. My husband was bought up in a christian home (wasted childhood), but was intelligent to escape as soon as he could. I could be here all night debating with you how corrupt religion is but all I will say is if your bf loved you enough he wouldn't care what his mother (or some old book) says about living together before marriage.

Marriage is about two people. I pity those who spend their wedding day declaring their love and making promises to some apparent 'god' rather than their husband or wife.

Oh dear. As a christian I find your comment very offensive. I would never presume to belittle anyone's belief, thoughts or whatever yours included. I refuse to get into a debate about whether religion is "corrupt" or not - that is not what this thread is about. It could be that the boyfriend has christian values/morals too and for his own reasons he wouldnt want to live with anyone prior to marriage. I hope that would be his reasons rather than "mummy told me not to", as despite my own christian views I would never force them upon my children and i believe everyone has a right to chose what they believe without others making them feel uncomfortable for it.

euronorris

Charley.christian wrote: »

um a girl mate who he was looking out for gave him a BJ in school toilets, I asked him if it was true and he said no, then a month later he said its true. I got so mad but you should have seen how angry he was at himself for not telling me the truth, but i know the girl and she does it all the time to other girls bfs....

OK, the fact he was mad at himself for not telling you, does NOT make it OK that he cheated on you.

Neither does the fact that this girl (allegedly) makes a habit out of this behaviour.

He is responsible for his own actions, and was more than capable of telling her to back off. He didn't. And he didn't do that, because he wanted it to happen. I'm sorry, but that is the truth.

You wouldn't just let someone have sex with you if you didn't want to have sex with them, would you? And if they forced themselves on you, then that would be rape. But that is not what happened here. He willingly accepted a blowjob from her.

Also, you have said that you don't have many friends as the girls you know are always backstabbing each other. That's pretty normal and common for girls your age. They will steadily grow out of it, and mature with age.

In the meantime, I would suggest making friends with some older girls if possible. Join a club in your area, or take a fitness class and get to know some new people.

Even if you feel that your boyfriend is enough, you will be putting an enormous amount of pressure on him and the relationship, if you look to him for everything! Trust me. I stupidly let that happen when I first moved to Holland and moved in with my boyfriend. I hadn't made any new friends at first, and relied wayyyy too much on him, and the strain started to effect our relationship. Now that I've joined some local clubs and made some friends, we are both much happier.

euronorris

Charley.christian wrote: »

we cant live together before. His mums a strict christian and is not letting us move in together until we're married. she says its Unchristian.

If you both want to, of course you can. When you are old enough and supporting yourselves financially that is.

His Mother does not come into that equation at all. It is entirely up to him.

justmel

I was engaged at 17,he was history by the time i was 18 and i married the man i started dating a year later and am still with now when i was 20,i am now 34 by the way.

Now i had every reason to be extra cautious about dating because when i met this boy i was pregnant by the ex who had literally left the country when he found out so to me it was important that if i dated this lad he was going to be a good one and take it seriously because a child was going to be involved.

At the time i really did think he was 'the one' but we grew apart and we both changed a lot in the 2 years that we were together (started dating when i was 16),looking back now i can see that there was no way that he and i could have ever had what i have with my now husband.

The ex cheated on me about a year in,same kind of girl really,the one who got around a lot but seriously it wasn't her fault,it was him that did it and he could have easily said no but he didn't,that was a choice he made and the blame was his entirely,ok morally she was wrong but she owed me nothing in terms of loyalty.

Eventually after forgiving him it got to the point where he wanted us to live together and that is when it really hit me that we were far too unsuited to commit like that,it all ended soon after and i went on to find out that towards the end of our relationship he had been messing around with a lot of different girls.

I am not bitter about it,we were simply very young and not suited as i had once been so convinced we were.

After we split i also realised just how much i had lost touch with myself ,i didn't set out to date again specifically but i enjoyed a fling and i had known my now husband since childhood then my parents moved into the house opposite his so we got talking again and the rest is history.

If i had stayed with the ex i would have missed out on a very happy and loving marriage and of course my son would have suffered so thank god i didn't rush into marrying him,i know you don't have a baby to think of but you are important too.

I know it does sometimes last despite being young but when i look around my friends the vast majority did not marry their first true love,most had a couple of relationships before settling down to marriage or living together.

Ames

Jesswithwings wrote: »

Oh dear. As a christian I find your comment very offensive. I would never presume to belittle anyone's belief, thoughts or whatever yours included. I refuse to get into a debate about whether religion is "corrupt" or not - that is not what this thread is about. It could be that the boyfriend has christian values/morals too and for his own reasons he wouldnt want to live with anyone prior to marriage. I hope that would be his reasons rather than "mummy told me not to", as despite my own christian views I would never force them upon my children and i believe everyone has a right to chose what they believe without others making them feel uncomfortable for it.

I have to say that cheating on his girlfriend by having a blow job in the school toilets doesn't seem very Christian or moral to me.

Charley.christian

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Well said Elle7, lets face it, if he didn't want the BJ he could've pushed her away screaming 'rape'. then again as she 'does it to all the boys with girlfriends' I suppose he though it was just his turn, and something he had to endure. How tough on him, poor guy, but well done for coping.

Sorry OP but if he is really just happy with hugs from you, he's getting the rest elsewhere.

Well to be honest, our relationship wasn't going too well when it happened, I almost broke up with him a few days before. So i don't blame him. I was a jerk to him. I probally deserved that to happen.

He's actually not getting the rest anywhere else. I'm the only one who shares that intimacy with.

I don't look to my boyfriend for everything. It was an exaggeration when i said i have friends. I do, i just dont get to see them much.


I spent the weekend with him. I was talking to him about all this stuff and it turns out, hes still mad with himself for not trying harder to push her away and for lying to me. He said he really did want to marry me and after this weekend, i am so sure he's the one. he's done things and said things that no one has ever said before (good ways).

Emmzi

Charley, if he is sorry etc - back off for a bit and let him show you how committed he is and how much he cares. Let him do the running for a little while. If he manages, you will know you are important to him. Cut back on the calls and texts, and have something else you are doing at the weekend, and see what happens.