Pregnant as a result of rape

Violetta_2

Hi what to do, so sorry about what you are going through, I hope that the meeting at the rape crisis place was helpful I'm sure they will help give you the strength to deal with this whatever you decide, no advice really I do wish I had advice that would make it all better. Take care x

meritaten

peachyprice wrote: »

It isn't just about the child though. It's about a woman having a disgusting growth in her body for 9 months that was put there against her wishes and having to go through the trauma of giving birth to it, even if the child is given up for adoption her body will NEVER be the same after childbirth and will still be a constant reminder of the most distressing time of her life.

Why would any woman willingly put herself through that just to give the thing up for adoption?

TBH, unless someone has been there they cannot possibly understand what it is like to have your body taken over by the product of your rapist, it's like a cancer.

I can understand up to a point a woman not wanting to go through with a pregnancy as a result of rape. what I dont understand is a virulent post about a 'disgusting growth'. its as if the mothers DNA isnt involved. a baby isnt just the product of its father - the mother is involved too. a child is also an individual human being - to condemn a child because he/she is the result of rape is to condemn that child before it is born - and that is unfair!
and to call a baby a 'thing' is to my mind disgusting! all babies are born innocent. their lives are shaped by how they are loved and brought up.
babies are NOT cancer - they are babies and deserve love. if you cannot love them then give them to people who will!

lolseh

balletshoes wrote: »

my own personal view of adoption, is that with all the information available online etc these days, even if the mother said to the adoption agency that she did not want any contact with the child in the future, the child could find out anyway. I really wouldn't trust that, if I gave a child up for adoption and wanted no contact in future, that would necessarily happen.

With the likes of Facebook etc these days I suppose it makes it so much easier to find people.. Good for some people but not for others as I know people I'd rather not contact me have tried to online so I just try and make everything as secure as I can.

peachyprice

meritaten wrote: »

I can understand up to a point a woman not wanting to go through with a pregnancy as a result of rape. what I dont understand is a virulent post about a 'disgusting growth'. its as if the mothers DNA isnt involved. a baby isnt just the product of its father - the mother is involved too. a child is also an individual human being - to condemn a child because he/she is the result of rape is to condemn that child before it is born - and that is unfair!
and to call a baby a 'thing' is to my mind disgusting! all babies are born innocent. their lives are shaped by how they are loved and brought up.

Like I said, unless you've been there it's impossible to understand and I wouldn't expect you to.

That is the way I felt about my rapist child, sorry if you find that disgusting, I found the fact that I'd been raped and imprenated disgusting and unfair, but hey ho.

Sequeena

Oh I am so so sorry for what has happened to you I have no advice, I wouldn't know what to do in your position but I really hope you're ok and can come to a decision which is best for YOU xxx

Torry_Quine

lolseh wrote: »

With the likes of Facebook etc these days I suppose it makes it so much easier to find people.. Good for some people but not for others as I know people I'd rather not contact me have tried to online so I just try and make everything as secure as I can.

Things like facebook aren't compulsory though.

balletshoes

meritaten wrote: »

I can understand up to a point a woman not wanting to go through with a pregnancy as a result of rape. what I dont understand is a virulent post about a 'disgusting growth'. its as if the mothers DNA isnt involved. a baby isnt just the product of its father - the mother is involved too. a child is also an individual human being - to condemn a child because he/she is the result of rape is to condemn that child before it is born - and that is unfair!
and to call a baby a 'thing' is to my mind disgusting! all babies are born innocent. their lives are shaped by how they are loved and brought up.

thats fine - but not everyone feels that way, especially about a pregnancy which has been forced upon them and which they had no choice about. The decision may be made not to give birth at all, so statements like "all babies are born innocent" etc really may have no relevance.

Whattodo??_2

Thank you for all the replies.

The staff at the crisis centre were brilliant. As was my boyfriend, who said he will support me either way.

As a few people have mentioned, I couldn't go through 9 months of carrying this 'thing' around only to have it adopted. I either have to remove all traces of it, or put the rape behind me and focus on bringing a baby in to the world and raising a child to the best of my abilities. I'm sorry. I know there are thousands of women out there who would do anything for the chance of a child and no doubt if I were to continue with the pregnancy and have the child adopted it would go to loving parents. But, as selfish as it sounds, my body has already been taken over and 'used' for someone elses needs when I was raped, I couldn't put it through a further 9 months of hell only to meet another womans needs for a child. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible or anything, and people who adopt are amazing people, but I just couldn't do it under these circumstances.

I've done a lot of honest talking tonight with my boyfriend, the people at the crisis centre and my mum (who was on my doorstep within 10 minutes of me telling her even though she was at home 20 minutes away!!)

Between us all I think I have made my decision, but i'm going to sleep on it before I act on it.

I'm almost certain I will terminate the pregnancy. Whilst I think I would make a good Mum, and would love this child, having a constant "I was raped" reminder would be too much. Without a child I can block it out at times, i've managed to have nights out with friends, laugh, forget it's happened at times. With a child being there constantly it would just be like reliving it day in day out. I'm not that strong. I wish I was, but i'm not.

Thanks again for the advice and the PMs. It has helped.

fannyanna

peachyprice wrote: »

Like I said, unless you've been there it's impossible to understand and I wouldn't expect you to.

That is the way I felt about my rapist child, sorry if you find that disgusting, I found the fact that I'd been raped and imprenated disgusting and unfair, but hey ho.

balletshoes wrote: »

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thats fine - but not everyone feels that way, especially about a pregnancy which has been forced upon them and which they had no choice about. The decision may be made not to give birth at all, so statements like "all babies are born innocent" etc really may have no relevance.

I have to agree with you both.

fannyanna

OP I really hope that you got on well at your appointment this evening and have been provided with some useful information and support x