Pregnant as a result of rape

Torry_Quine

Whattodo?? wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies.

The staff at the crisis centre were brilliant. As was my boyfriend, who said he will support me either way.

As a few people have mentioned, I couldn't go through 9 months of carrying this 'thing' around only to have it adopted. I either have to remove all traces of it, or put the rape behind me and focus on bringing a baby in to the world and raising a child to the best of my abilities. I'm sorry. I know there are thousands of women out there who would do anything for the chance of a child and no doubt if I were to continue with the pregnancy and have the child adopted it would go to loving parents. But, as selfish as it sounds, my body has already been taken over and 'used' for someone elses needs when I was raped, I couldn't put it through a further 9 months of hell only to meet another womans needs for a child. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible or anything, and people who adopt are amazing people, but I just couldn't do it under these circumstances.

I've done a lot of honest talking tonight with my boyfriend, the people at the crisis centre and my mum (who was on my doorstep within 10 minutes of me telling her even though she was at home 20 minutes away!!)

Between us all I think I have made my decision, but i'm going to sleep on it before I act on it.

I'm almost certain I will terminate the pregnancy. Whilst I think I would make a good Mum, and would love this child, having a constant "I was raped" reminder would be too much. Without a child I can block it out at times, i've managed to have nights out with friends, laugh, forget it's happened at times. With a child being there constantly it would just be like reliving it day in day out. I'm not that strong. I wish I was, but i'm not.

Thanks again for the advice and the PMs. It has helped.

Really glad to hear that it helped and your mother and boyfriend are supporting you. Hope that you continue to get counselling. Get a good night's sleep tonight. Best Wishes.:A

balletshoes

I think you are being extremely brave Whattodo, I'm so glad you have the support of your mum and bf, and I hope you get some sleep tonight.

inthesameboat_2

peachyprice wrote: »

Like I said, unless you've been there it's impossible to understand and I wouldn't expect you to.

That is the way I felt about my rapist child, sorry if you find that disgusting, I found the fact that I'd been raped and imprenated disgusting and unfair, but hey ho.

Me too. It was a thing. It was vile and disgusting and I really could not be bothered if it lived or died. I'd wake every day hoping it would die. it didn't. I felt that would be the answer to all of my problems. The easy way out.

Sorry if that is not what you all want to hear but these pregnancies were FORCED upon us, they were not wanted, nor were they consentual, we was just in this awful situation that we knew we had no way of getting out of.

Unless you have been there you really cannot even begin to imagine what you think we should feel.

I have FB but it is secure but I know if they find my sister on there they need not look too far, it's not only you that needs to be hidden but you cannot tell everyone else to hide for you.

Peachy, I thought I was the only one who had ever been through this. Feels weird to know we have something in common, I could not imagine something so horrid could have happened to anyone else. People in my 'new' life do not know what happened to me, people in my 'old' life did and told me it was my fault - one even said I deserved it, sneered at me when I met my new husband who I've now been with for a long time. They are disgusting and vile too. I have this life now, my husband knows everything, no-one else needs to know and I have no time for those who did nothing to help me.

lolseh

I'm glad you have came to a desicion that is best for you and no one else. I do think it's good you are going to sleep on it but I think your mind is pretty much made up.

abbecer

MY heart really breaks for you OP. I'm sat crying because I can't imagine the pain you are going through. It seems like a situation where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't! Hopefully by talking tonight you may feel more certain of what is the right thing for you. Sending you all my love and best wishes.

Rebecca xxxx

red_devil

can you report him he may be doing this to others.

peachyprice

Whattodo?? wrote: »

.

my mum (who was on my doorstep within 10 minutes of me telling her even though she was at home 20 minutes away!!)

So glad to hear your Mum is there for you.

Hopefully things will seem clearer in the morning after sharing with the people who care about you. I'm sure, whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for the most important person in all of this, you.

XXXX

inthesameboat_2

Whattodo?? wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies.

The staff at the crisis centre were brilliant. As was my boyfriend, who said he will support me either way.

As a few people have mentioned, I couldn't go through 9 months of carrying this 'thing' around only to have it adopted. I either have to remove all traces of it, or put the rape behind me and focus on bringing a baby in to the world and raising a child to the best of my abilities. I'm sorry. I know there are thousands of women out there who would do anything for the chance of a child and no doubt if I were to continue with the pregnancy and have the child adopted it would go to loving parents. But, as selfish as it sounds, my body has already been taken over and 'used' for someone elses needs when I was raped, I couldn't put it through a further 9 months of hell only to meet another womans needs for a child. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible or anything, and people who adopt are amazing people, but I just couldn't do it under these circumstances.

I've done a lot of honest talking tonight with my boyfriend, the people at the crisis centre and my mum (who was on my doorstep within 10 minutes of me telling her even though she was at home 20 minutes away!!)

Between us all I think I have made my decision, but i'm going to sleep on it before I act on it.

I'm almost certain I will terminate the pregnancy. Whilst I think I would make a good Mum, and would love this child, having a constant "I was raped" reminder would be too much. Without a child I can block it out at times, i've managed to have nights out with friends, laugh, forget it's happened at times. With a child being there constantly it would just be like reliving it day in day out. I'm not that strong. I wish I was, but i'm not.

Thanks again for the advice and the PMs. It has helped.

I am pleased your mum and new boyfriend are being so supportive (hang onto him, LOL) it is so important and it will get you through this, that you have someone to hang on to, I am pleased to hear such news.

And please, never apologise again for what you are doing, you should never have to do that and you are being ver far from selfish. This is your life, your body and you was not asked what you wanted, you are well within your rights to do what you need to do because no-one asked your consent on this.

I think you are doing the right thing by sleeping on it, you are strong but you just do not know it yet. You have got through this far by being strong but if you need t let it all out and have a yell and a cry then do. Did they say you could go back there for counselling. I am really pleased you had such good service from the RCC, that is wonderful to hear.

Good luck for everything, if you need to post again then please feel free to. I am glad you posted before I went to bed. Please do get counselling for the rape, even if you think you are coping, if you get a wobble then go and speak to someone rather than sitting on it. Take care.

Whattodo??_2

peachyprice wrote: »

So glad to hear your Mum is there for you.

I was so worried she wouldn't be. I made my boyfriend tell her She must have literally dropped the phone, jumped in the car and put her foot down the whole way over:o

Whilst she's always been anti-abortion and offered her full support if I kept the child, she did say under the circumstances that she agreed a termination would be best. That was such a relief. As childish as it sounds the thought of having to go through it without Mum there was scaring me I guess we all need Mum at some point though, no matter how old and 'grown up' we are.


Thanks again to everyone for your support.xxx

fannyanna

Whattodo?? wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies.

The staff at the crisis centre were brilliant. As was my boyfriend, who said he will support me either way.

As a few people have mentioned, I couldn't go through 9 months of carrying this 'thing' around only to have it adopted. I either have to remove all traces of it, or put the rape behind me and focus on bringing a baby in to the world and raising a child to the best of my abilities. I'm sorry. I know there are thousands of women out there who would do anything for the chance of a child and no doubt if I were to continue with the pregnancy and have the child adopted it would go to loving parents. But, as selfish as it sounds, my body has already been taken over and 'used' for someone elses needs when I was raped, I couldn't put it through a further 9 months of hell only to meet another womans needs for a child. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible or anything, and people who adopt are amazing people, but I just couldn't do it under these circumstances.

I've done a lot of honest talking tonight with my boyfriend, the people at the crisis centre and my mum (who was on my doorstep within 10 minutes of me telling her even though she was at home 20 minutes away!!)

Between us all I think I have made my decision, but i'm going to sleep on it before I act on it.

I'm almost certain I will terminate the pregnancy. Whilst I think I would make a good Mum, and would love this child, having a constant "I was raped" reminder would be too much. Without a child I can block it out at times, i've managed to have nights out with friends, laugh, forget it's happened at times. With a child being there constantly it would just be like reliving it day in day out. I'm not that strong. I wish I was, but i'm not.

Thanks again for the advice and the PMs. It has helped.

Brilliant - I am so pleased for you that your appointment was so helpful.

I'm also chuffed for you that your Mum now knows and is obviously being supportive - as well as your boyfriend.

One thing in relation to the bit in bold - don't you dare apologise. You've got absolutely nothing to be sorry about. And that's coming from someone who is trying for a baby.