Pregnant as a result of rape

Whattodo??_2

Firstly I'm sorry that I'm posting as an AE. I don't want this associated with my real username but I need some advice, opinions and I suppose someone to ask the questions I need to answer to come to a decision because at the moment I just can't think straight, I have no idea what I should be asking myself or anything. I'm just a mess to be honest and my head is all over the place.

About 2.5 months ago I was raped. I never told any friends or family, I didn't report it and just tried to shut it away and carry on with my life. Although I have struggled with some aspects I did manage for the most part.

Yesterday I realised I hadn't had a period since the rape so I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I hoped it was a dodgy test so took another, again it was positive. All in all I must have taken about 10 tests in the last 24 hours hoping the result will change. But no, it looks as if i'm pregnant Although looking back I had had symptoms, tiredness, eating a lot, weight gain etc nothing clicked until yesterday, I had just put it down to stress over what happened.

I just don't know what to do. The thought of going through with a pregnancy which was a result of a violent rape makes me feel physically sick. How will I love a child which was created because of such a horrible crime? How will I love a constant reminder of that awful night?

At the same time I've always wanted a child, if I had fallen pregnant as a result of a one night stand or with a partner I wouldn't even consider ending the pregnancy. It's not the babies fault its 'father' was a horrible horrible man.

I'm 22 and have a good job, decent savings and living alone so I could support a child and provide for its needs. But how will I love it?

I've recently met a lovely man who is the only person i've told about the rape, because for obvious reasons I didn't feel up to sex, he's very supportive but how do I tell him this? I can't expect him to stick around if I continue with the pregnancy.

I'm so confused. I don't know what things I need to consider. My mind is numb. I just want somebody to take it away so I don't have to decide either way.

What do I do?:( I'd appreciate any advice I realise I don't have much longer to make a decision either way. I have managed to get a doctors appointment for early next week to discuss it with them but until then I just need somewhere to turn

USM

First of all, I'm a man so I probably don't have an appreciation of everything you're feeling right now.

To get straight to the point, you're so young and have so much opportunity to forget this terrible time, meet someone you want to be with, and have a 'conventional' family.

As harsh as it seems right now you have an opportunity to draw a line under all of this, and start the recovery process - take it.

newcook

Aw hunni – big, huge hugs to you x

I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through. I think your first port of call would be to a rape centre where you can get loads of help and councelling.

fannyanna

Whattodo?? wrote: »

Firstly I'm sorry that I'm posting as an AE. I don't want this associated with my real username but I need some advice, opinions and I suppose someone to ask the questions I need to answer to come to a decision because at the moment I just can't think straight, I have no idea what I should be asking myself or anything. I'm just a mess to be honest and my head is all over the place.

About 2.5 months ago I was raped. I never told any friends or family, I didn't report it and just tried to shut it away and carry on with my life. Although I have struggled with some aspects I did manage for the most part.

Yesterday I realised I hadn't had a period since the rape so I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I hoped it was a dodgy test so took another, again it was positive. All in all I must have taken about 10 tests in the last 24 hours hoping the result will change. But no, it looks as if i'm pregnant Although looking back I had had symptoms, tiredness, eating a lot, weight gain etc nothing clicked until yesterday, I had just put it down to stress over what happened.

I just don't know what to do. The thought of going through with a pregnancy which was a result of a violent rape makes me feel physically sick. How will I love a child which was created because of such a horrible crime? How will I love a constant reminder of that awful night?

At the same time I've always wanted a child, if I had fallen pregnant as a result of a one night stand or with a partner I wouldn't even consider ending the pregnancy. It's not the babies fault its 'father' was a horrible horrible man.

I'm 22 and have a good job, decent savings and living alone so I could support a child and provide for its needs. But how will I love it?

I've recently met a lovely man who is the only person i've told about the rape, because for obvious reasons I didn't feel up to sex, he's very supportive but how do I tell him this? I can't expect him to stick around if I continue with the pregnancy.

I'm so confused. I don't know what things I need to consider. My mind is numb. I just want somebody to take it away so I don't have to decide either way.

What do I do?:( I'd appreciate any advice I realise I don't have much longer to make a decision either way. I have managed to get a doctors appointment for early next week to discuss it with them but until then I just need somewhere to turn

What an awful situation to find yourself in.

I guess you have a few different options:

• Continue with the pregnancy and raise the baby
• Continue with the prgnancy and put the baby up for adoption
• Have a termination

Are any of these a definate no no for you?

I guess things to consider would be:

• How do you think you will handle the psychological aspects of having a termination?
• How would you handle the psychological aspects of giving your baby up for adoption?
• Are you ready to have a baby?
• Will you be able to cope financially and emotionally having a baby?
• Do you have a support network if you did have a baby?
• Do you think your current partner would stay with you if you had a baby?

I'm sure others will be able to come up with things for you to consider?

Do you know how far along you are in your pregnancy? As you've said if you decided to have a termination you may be a bit restricted time wise.

Sending you lots of hugs because I'm sure you could use some right now.

GeeBee38

You poor thing, what a terrible situation to be in, i really have no words as i have never been in your shoes.
i have found this website which has a free phone number that you may find useful.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

only you can make this decision, i wish you well, take care xxx
so sorry i couldn't help anymore


sending you big hugs xxx

Tropez

Somebody close to me went through a similar ordeal. They felt that their religious beliefs prevented them from terminating the pregnancy and consequently went through with the birth. However, they did seek help, firstly from their parish priest, who reinforced the idea that an abortion was morally wrong, and then from the NHS. Due to the circumstances of the pregnancy and the pressing need for coming to a conclusion over what to do, this woman was bumped to the top of the list for psychological services which normally carries a 10 month wait in our area but for her was arranged in a matter of weeks. I don't have details of exactly what happened during her therapy sessions but she has said that they helped immensely.

Ten years on from this and she is the mother of a healthy, intelligent boy who achieves highly in his class.

The biggest problem she now faces is that the boy is of an age where he wants to know more about his father and she cannot cope with telling him, for obvious reasons. What she has said though is that she does not feel that her child is representative of the type of person that his father was.

There's nothing really that anyone can say, unfortunately, and I can imagine it is a horrible dilemma to people in your position and for that you have my sympathies.

You should push your GP for a crisis referral to a psychologist. They cannot tell you what to do but they can help you consider what would be best for you.

jamespir

sorry to hear about what happened it must be terrible for you i wish i could give you advise but i think i would find it hard too think you need to ask your doctor/midwife to see if theres any support groups

Whattodo??_2

I am usually very anti-abortion due to a strict religious upbringing, although i'm not religious myself, my family are and their views on things such as abortion have obviously had a huge influence on my own. That said, "I have to get rid of it" was my first thought when I got the first positive pregnancy test If my family found out about it they would hate me. I don't even know how it would work. Do you have to pay? I know nothing about them other than it would end the pregnancy.

Since then i've calmed down a little, not much, but a little, and i've tried to consider other options.

Adoption did cross my mind, but i'm not sure I could cope for the rest of a pregnancy looking at the bump and going through the birth. I think about it and all I have at the moment is hate for my body because of what he did to me, and having an even more obvious reminder terrifies me. So I ruled adoption out for those reasons. Now i'm torn between keeping it and trying to love it and an abortion.

I have a strong support network, I have money and a decent job, my house is big enough. I worry I would lose my new boyfriend, but I can't make a decision based on a 6 week relationship no matter how close we are and how perfect he seems at the moment

I will give rape crisis a call. Thank you for that. They hadn't even crossed my mind.

newcook

also get yourself checked out to make sure this excuse for a human hasnt given you anything. do you know the person (sorry if thats too personal to answer)
please try and find the courage to report this - he may do it again or have done it before

flutterby_lil

How close are you to your mum?

If she knew you was going through this I am sure she would be upset that she isn't there to help you through a difficult and heart rendering decision.

Book a doctors appointment, they will be able to talk to you as well.

x

fannyanna

Also call Marie Stopes on 0845 300 8090. They will be able to provide you with information on abortions.

If you're torn between the two options - abortion and keeping and raising the baby - can I suggest that you find out all the information that you can and then sit down and write up a list of pro's and con's for both options to help you in your decision making process.

If you wanted, I'm sure the people on this forum woudl be more than willing to provide you with some information/thoughts to help with the list.