Pregnant as a result of rape

Malfiore

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you and sorry that you have to face this mostly on your own. I really hope the appointment this evening helps you and brings you closer to making the decision that is right for you. Hugs xx

Bitsy_Beans

I hope your appointment goes as well as it can under the circumstances tonight. I am glad you are getting some support. Thinking of you xxx

sooty&sweep

Hi

Just to say whatever decision you make will be the right one as there is no wrong answer in this.

It's very easy for people to have opinions on abortion when its not them.

Think carefully about not telling your mum. Can you maintain a close relationship with her knowing that you have such a big secret ? And as a mum it would break my heart to know my child was making such a decision and going through such an ordeal without my support. However thats a personal opinion and its for you to decide.

In your initial post you mentioned adoption, have you decided against that ? I just ask because I wonder whether that would offer you middle ground of not going against your anti abortion views but also not having to bring up the child. If so it may be worth conting the adoption services to find out a little more.

You come across as a very strong, sensible young lady and I wish you all the best with whichever decision you choose. Whatever you decide don't let this ordeal spoil the rest of your life.

Best Wishes

Jen

dane-katie

I do feel for you, i was raped when i was 16, it wasnt violent but was someone who i had known for a few years, he forced and persuaded me to do something i didnt want. If this happened to me now and i got pregnant (i am desperate to have a child with my OH) to someone other than my OH, i would have to have an abortion tbh, the thought of this innocent child born out of something so horrendous that can effect you for life, i couldnt do it, is there any chance that your pregnant to your OH and just missed your first period after it happened due to stress?

GracieP

Whattodo?? wrote: »

I've got an appointment with a local rape crisis centre this evening. I'm going to go and meet OH from work, tell him, then hopefully we can go together.

The more I go over it in my head the more i'm leaning towards termination. But I know neither option is something I can rush in to and I do need to discuss it properly with people.

I just want to say you sound very level-headed and very strong in this awful situation.

gillypkk

i just wanted to say im thinking of you. i have no idea how you are feeling. i hope your OH has been a good support and you are getting the advice you need at that appointment.

murphydog999

I have no experience in this subject, just an opinion about this horrendous violation of a woman's body and tremendous sympathy for the OP.

For me there would be no option, like another poster has said a child conceived in a loving, caring relationship would receive unconditional love, in this circumstance 'it' would always be there as a reminder. And another point raised, if the rapist found out, it doesn't bear thinking about the damage that would cause.

OP, very best wishes and much strength for the future.

lolseh

I don't think there is an easy answer to this atall.. It's not your fault atall for being raped and falling pregnant but at the same time it's not the childs fault either because they didn't ask to be brought into this awful situation.

If your mum couldn't accept you having an abortion after going through what you already have then I really would wonder what sort of mother would put her religion before her childs needs and wellbeing.

Hugs to you!

Owain_Moneysaver

1. You think your family would be against termination, but you probably haven't discussed with them, or even considered until now, pregnancy resulting from rape. Their attitude might be different. Anyway, it's you that's pregnant not them, so unless they're going to be willing to adopt it and cope with / pay for the next 18+ years, they can shut up and respect your decision, whatever you choose.

2. Rape crisis or other organisation may have a 'third party' reporting arrangement so any information you have can be passed to the police, anonymously if you prefer. Even just the date/time/location may be enough to contribute to intelligence leading to the arrest of the rapist for other offences.

3. Listen to your gut feeling and don't over-analyse it.

ceridwen

Ohmygawd - you poor thing. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

For what its worth - my own verdict personally would be - in my own life - "I didnt plan on a child anyway - and it would be a constant reminder to have a child that was not only unplanned - but was the result of a rape - rather than from consensual sex".

So - from that - my verdict personally would be "Best to remove all reminders of that awful event as fast as possible" - so the operation to deal with that would have already been planned and carried out.

I understand where you are coming from that you feel its not the childs fault that their father is a b*stard and maybe you want a child anyway and maybe the child will turn after a normal/decent person (ie yourself). On the other hand - maybe the b*stard gene that the biological father has (ie to do something like raping a woman) will come through into the child. You wouldnt know whether the child had taken after b*stard biological father or yourself until they turned adult in all probability.

I dont know what the statistics are about whether a "!!!!!!! gene" (ie the nasty person tendencies the "father" has) is likely to get inherited by any child on the one hand - or whether a "normal" upbringing by a "normal" person (ie like yourself) would predominate and the resultant child would turn out normal on the other hand. Personally - I wouldnt want to take the risk that that particular gene would come through into the child and they would also be a "nasty" despite my best efforts to make sure they were normal. Also - wouldnt it be for the best for you personally to put all this behind you as fast as you can and get on with your life? Genes can come through after many generations - never mind after just one generation. Do you want to take the risk of nasty genes from this b*stard coming through into your child? It may happen...it may not...but do you want to take the chance? Do you want to sit there and watch a child wondering if it was going to be normal or no for years?

I have read of mothers of "rapists children" finding that the child turned out to be a normal person and that they came to love them in the event - but I dont think I would want to take this chance personally (even if I were someone who wanted children personally).

So - my advice FWIW - is to put it behind you and get on with your life.

Just to say again - I am so sorry this has happened to you - and...yes....I DO understand...because I've been there myself (but at least I didnt land up pregnant as a result - thank goodness). You really dont want to know what I would do to the m*n (if you can call him that) after all these years.....but it would not be nice and it would not be quick....

Take care ((( )))