Pregnant as a result of rape

GracieP

Whattodo?? wrote: »

TI'm not that strong. I wish I was, but i'm not.

Sweetheart, you are strong, incredibly so. You were strong when you started this thread, strong when you told your boyfriend, strong when you went for counselling and strong when you allowed your boyfriend to tell your mother. You are being strong now in making this decision now. Being strong means working out what is right for you and carrying through with it.

One last thing, and I say this as someone who desperately wants a child and may not be able to have one. The fact that some couple can't have their own children isn't your responsibility. In my very honest opinion, anyone who wants a baby so much that they'd want a woman to continue a pregnancy which has resulted from rape to give them one is too selfish to make a good parent.

digitalphase

I should really be in bed, but I started reading and had to read until the end.

I am so, so sorry you have had to go through this, it is absolutely awful, and I cannot imagine the physical/mental pain of it.

As others have said, once you get pregnant with a baby that was conceived out of love you will walk over hot ashes for them and do anything to protect them. I had an awful time with my pregnancy and labour, but what kept me going was the thought of our wonderful baby. I really don't think you should put yourself through such a life changing event unless you actually want the baby.

I am so glad you are receiving some amazing support, and hope you continue to get counselling and that you can move on from this. I believe that a termination is totally right in these circumstances - don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what's right for you.

Blue_Monkey

digitalphase wrote: »

I really don't think you should put yourself through such a life changing event unless you actually want the baby.

Just to follow on from what DigitalPhase says here, I echo this entirely and would say the same to anyone who finds themselves unexpectedly pregnant "I really don't think you should put yourself through such a life changing event unless you actually want [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] this baby now."

ceridwen

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Things like facebook aren't compulsory though.

They may not be "compulsory" - but a heck of a lot of people do have Facebook accounts and people are entitled to do so if they wish. Its called "part of leading a normal life" and why should anyone not dare to do a perfectly normal activity like that because of "past history" that was none of THEIR choice?

Even with regard to little things like that - why should a woman have her life affected for ever more by having to make different choices to what she would have done if this rape hadnt happened?

ceridwen

Whattodo?? wrote: »

I was so worried she wouldn't be. I made my boyfriend tell her She must have literally dropped the phone, jumped in the car and put her foot down the whole way over:o

Whilst she's always been anti-abortion and offered her full support if I kept the child, she did say under the circumstances that she agreed a termination would be best. That was such a relief. As childish as it sounds the thought of having to go through it without Mum there was scaring me I guess we all need Mum at some point though, no matter how old and 'grown up' we are.
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Pleased to hear she is being so supportive to you and glad there was no police out on the road as she belted down it at the speed of light. She must have done the driving equivalent of the "4 minute mile":rotfl:.

That is one good mother and also a very good boyfriend you have there. You are very blessed to have a mother and a boyfriend like this - so thats two major things you have going in your favour. You are lucky to have those two in your life:T

....and no - you are NOT being in the slightest bit "selfish" if you decide to proceed with a termination. I very much doubt anyone would regard you as "selfish" for doing so - and if they ever do - then give them the sharp end of your tongue and throw them out of your life.

Hovel_lady

Just wanted to say I'm pleased your boyfriend and mum are supportive and that whatever decsion you make is the right one for you.
((hugs))

Fly_Baby

May I add something which I don't beleive has been mentioned before - morning-after pill.

Every girl that has experienced rape, must know that she must take precautions - even if she doesn't want to report the attack to the police she must find the way to a)get herself examined for STI and b) ensure she doesn't fall pregnant by taking the morning after pill. These pills are expensive and I don't know if there is way to have STI tests without having to explain the circumstances to your GP - but these are too important to ignore.

At least the unfortunate consequences are minimised as much as possible.

OP, hugs and best of luck to you!

money_honey

Whattodo, I've just read through your thread and I wanted to add my support to all those who have already commented. Such an awful, awful thing to happen - but you sound so strong and have been really clear headed about the whole situation. I'm really glad that your mum and boyfriend are supporting you - that makes all the difference.

Thinking of you and sending you big hugs, and as others have said definitely carry on with the counselling if you can xx

fannyanna

Fly_Baby wrote: »

Every girl that has experienced rape, must know that she must take precautions

Thankfully I have never been raped however I imagine after such a traumatic event your in a state of shell shock and emotional turmoil for a while. Whilst these may seem logical things to think about in hindsight I'm not sure they are the first things that spring to mind to a woman who has just been raped.

I think the reason the morning after pill hasn't been mentioned in this specific case is because the OP is already pregnant.

Solstice_Twilight

I'm so pleased your mum and boyfriend are supporting you through this. My only advice is to ensure that you take up any offers of counselling for your termination if you go through with it. It's taken me ten years to come to terms with the termination of an "undesirable" pregnancy, as it was described at the time, and even though I felt very firm that a termination was what I wanted, I wouldn't ever want anyone to go through the psychological distress I suffered afterwards.

Sending you huge hugs. No one should have to go through what you're suffering.