Pregnant as a result of rape

MCLF

Just wanted to add my best wishes and hugs to you. xx

NAR

I think this thread exemplifies the sound advice, guidance and support people can get from MSE.

OP I wish you strength to get through this ordeal and hope in time you are able to put it well to the back of your mind and you are able to rebuild your life. Sounds like you have very good people helping you at present. BIG HUGS.

Fuzzy_Duck

meritaten wrote: »

I can understand up to a point a woman not wanting to go through with a pregnancy as a result of rape. what I dont understand is a virulent post about a 'disgusting growth'. its as if the mothers DNA isnt involved. a baby isnt just the product of its father - the mother is involved too. a child is also an individual human being - to condemn a child because he/she is the result of rape is to condemn that child before it is born - and that is unfair!
and to call a baby a 'thing' is to my mind disgusting! all babies are born innocent. their lives are shaped by how they are loved and brought up.
babies are NOT cancer - they are babies and deserve love. if you cannot love them then give them to people who will!

Whilst I agree all babies are born innocent I strongly disagree that a woman should have to go through 9 torturous months and give birth to her rapist's baby, being reminded of that awful crime every single day. I believe that every child wants to be the product of two people who love each other, and I cannot even begin to imagine how awful it must be to be a child borne of rape- ESPECIALLY if you've been adopted because your mother understandably couldn't bear to bring you up!

Besides, it's easier said than done to have a baby and then give it away- there have been victims of rape planning to do this that ended up keeping their babies when the hormones set in. Whilst that may help the victim come to terms with it, and please the anti-abortion brigage, there's still a blameless child involved who naturally wants to know who their dad is- and that will cause heartbreak for both mother and child. I recall the woman I remember reading about going through this exact situation said she was so pleased her child looked like her and not the rapist- because she did not think she could bear looking at her child and seeing him in their face.

None of us can judge or tell OP what to do in this situation. It is entirely her choice to make. I can't even begin to imagine what the OP has been through but I am so pleased to hear she has a supportive boyfriend and mother (despite her anti-abortion views), and is going through with a termination. In my opinion it was the right choice to make and I hope OP will pull through this difficult time.

ceridwen

Too true:T

Yeh....okay...I think we all noted the poster earlier who was commenting about "pass the sick bucket" and we are referring to our child-to-be as Squirrel - but that is EXACTLY how things should be in a pregnancy situation

- ie both parents are in there together and it is a planned/wanted child and the pair of them are in that mode together and cant wait for Squirrel or the like to be born. Every child deserves two parents who are gasping for their arrival and getting sentimental about Squirrel (or the like) - and an accidental byproduct of rape is very far indeed from being that scenario.

Any and every child deserves to know that "I was planned and wanted and my parents both loved me before I was born" and it is very sad and absolutely tragic for a foetus to be conceived in any other circumstances than that - and rape is absolutely the worst one possible.

Whattodo??_2

Just checking in to say thank you again for the support from this thread.

I went to my GP on Friday to discuss options and get a referral for a termination.

However, in the early hours of Saturday morning I started to bleed and subsequently had a miscarriage. I was kept in overnight and although the support I received was fantastic I'm quite confused about my feelings surrounding it.

Although I didn't want the pregnancy to continue I do feel a strange sense of loss and emptiness. A termination would have been me taking control again. A miscarriage is yet another choice taken away from me and I feel lost to be honest. I should feel relived, it's over, but I don't.

Sorry for the emotional ramble I just wanted to update the thread because I hate it when an OP doesn't come back to update with a conclusion.

Thank you again for the support, xx

Torry_Quine

Whattodo?? wrote: »

Just checking in to say thank you again for the support from this thread.

I went to my GP on Friday to discuss options and get a referral for a termination.

However, in the early hours of Saturday morning I started to bleed and subsequently had a miscarriage. I was kept in overnight and although the support I received was fantastic I'm quite confused about my feelings surrounding it.

Although I didn't want the pregnancy to continue I do feel a strange sense of loss and emptiness. A termination would have been me taking control again. A miscarriage is yet another choice taken away from me and I feel lost to be honest. I should feel relived, it's over, but I don't.

Sorry for the emotional ramble I just wanted to update the thread because I hate it when an OP doesn't come back to update with a conclusion.

Thank you again for the support, xx

You are not surprisingly feeling very conflicted about the miscarriage. As you say the decision was taken out of your hands so while you are relieved you are possibly also angry that you didn't make the choice as to whether the pregnancy continued.

At the moment you need to look after yourself but once you feel able then counselling would be a good idea to help make sense of your feelings.

Take care and thanks for the update. :A

make_me_wise

Im so sorry OP. I cant believe how much you are having to suffer at the moment. I want to word this right so as to hopefully bring you some comfort.

When someone miscarries there is normally a problem with the feotus and this is your bodies way of 'taking control' of this and ending a pregnancy that most likely wouldn't have successfuly continued to term.

As terribly upsetting as it is it is a natural way for your body to terminate the pregnancy and you haven't had to endure any medical procedure. Which considering what you have gone through may have felt very invasive and extremely hard to cope with emotionally.

I am sending you a huge hug and hoping that from now on you can gradually rebuild your life and find inner peace.

Part_Mouse

Thinking of you, life really hasn't been kind to you but i hope you can start to recover from this nightmare.

roxydogbert

(((hugs))) Hope you are holding up OK. You must have so many thoughts rattling through your mind at the moment.

Take care of yourself x

Violetta_2

Hi whattodo- of course you are feeling all mixed up for one, your hormones are all over the place never mind all the other stuff you have had to deal with.
I do agree with make me wise & Wonder if once you had decided you didn't want to continue with the pregnancy your body ended the pregnancy for you, the body does strange stuff sometimes. Please take care of yourself & let those around you look after you too.