Irritating Relation Get It Off Your Chest Thread.

Sambucus_Nigra

Olokia wrote: »

Thanks

I have promised myself that in the future she won't treat me like this any more. Accepting the gift was a mistake but I am determined to have the wedding my way as much as possible.

Btw is it normal to have your MIL automatically assume that she is invited to the menu tasting even though it will be awkward because only 2 meals maximum can be tasted from each section and she will have to have a normal menu item.

Also is it normal for the Mother of the Groom to be part of the bridal group getting ready. I really don't want her there when I am getting ready but my OH says that if it is normal for her to be there, then it is rude to bar her from the room.

It is when she's paying for it all; as before - you will be beholden to her for this for years.

lostinrates

Olokia wrote: »

Btw is it normal to have your MIL automatically assume that she is invited to the menu tasting even though it will be awkward because only 2 meals maximum can be tasted from each section and she will have to have a normal menu item..

in this situation rather than have her try bits off my/oh's plate, I'd share with oh and order something else from the menu for us to share and give her the second plate of tasting food...tbh, I'd expect the venue to be a little more flexible, allowing a third plate of the same to be ordered for a charge, because when we were planning a wedding my mother wanted to come to everything and this seemed to be standard by people's responce to that.

euronorris

I don't understand why she wouldn't be at your OH's side before the wedding. That is usual, isn't it?

I'm sure that is where my sister's MIL was before the wedding, along with the best man and ushers.

Maybe your OH realises why she wants to be so involved, and thinks he is doing a good thing by trying to encourage you to include her.

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/wedding-party-glossary.aspx - This here says that the Mother of the Groom attends the bridal shower (Hen Party here in the UK) and is escorted down the aisle, and her shining moment is the mother/son dance. No mention of being at the bride's house before the wedding.

euronorris

Olokia wrote: »

Oh my mum isn't going. They live abroad so it is hard for them to do anything wedding related. My OH was saying that as it was my mum's role, then MIL can do it instead.

She can....IF you want her to. But it's entirely up to you. There is no reason why it can't just be your Bridesmaids/Sisters.

Although, excluding her, in light of the fact that your Mum can't be there, could easily be seen as rude. It's a bit like saying 'That's how much I dislike you! My Mum can't make it, and I STILL don't want you here.'. Not saying that reaction is right, per se, but I can see that's how she's view it.

delain

euronorris wrote: »

She can....IF you want her to. But it's entirely up to you. There is no reason why it can't just be your Bridesmaids/Sisters.

Although, excluding her, in light of the fact that your Mum can't be there, could easily be seen as rude. It's a bit like saying 'That's how much I dislike you! My Mum can't make it, and I STILL don't want you here.'. Not saying that reaction is right, per se, but I can see that's how she's view it.

My ex MIL was the same, she thinks my mum is a waste of space and could never understand why I wouldn't prefer to have her around hassling me all the time instead!

All families have their issues, but I don't think the MIL should be expecting to replace the brides mother.

Maybe the OH could have a word with her?!

euronorris

I agree, she shouldn't be expecting it, but I think she will.

OH should, at the very least, be supportive of Olokia's choices on these things and with this particular issue, it would probably carry more weight if he had a word with her.

Violetta_2

Oh Heidi I can't believe your mil call's you wotsit that is terrible. I would be so tempted to call her £uckface (scuse language) until she make's an effort to say your name right. Don't have to tell us but is it an easy enough name to say, still 15 yrs is plenty time to get your tongue around even the most difficult of names.
I feel your pain re suggesting things for her to do. my own mil would moan about being alone & having nothing to do, I suggested social clubs or bingo- you would have thought I'd suggested she go try sell her body down the dock's the way she reacted. Few month's later some random bloke on the bus spoke to her suggested a social club that also does bingo-hey presto she's down there the next night. She went for a few years until 1 of her "friend's" dared to tell her to stop talking about herself all the time.
I think she's now gotten into some evengelical church, which is probably quite good for her.
I'm not sure what kind of church though as I stopped speaking to her at Xmas when I'd finally had enough & told her a few home truth's. It has been bliss.

PinkLipgloss

I've been happily married for 3 years now and never had a "wedding".

I was living in Japan at the time and my OH simply went to a local government office, signed some papers and that was it done. I was actually at work! Looking back I'm so glad we done it that way!

Family were not best pleased and it took a while for them to get used to it however I was having none of the usual nonsense (which started as soon as we announced our engagement with Gran stating that X, Y and Z would HAVE to be invited despite me not seeing them since i was a child!).

Life's too short to stress!

*Louise*

Olokia wrote: »

I'm planning my wedding at the moment and she is paying for half because she has quite a bit of money. My parents don't have any spare and because it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for most of the wedding (I have no idea why) she keeps mentioning this to me and in the end my parents contributed £1000 but this still isn't good enough. Also because she is paying half of the wedding, we have to put all our ideas by her first so she can give her opinion. When I disagree with her, I say so and giving her opinion usually means her having a half hour long rant about why I am wrong and I can't even say my reasons for making my decision. When she pauses for breath, I usually try to give my reasons then, but she carries on talking over me (which is one thing I absolutely hate) then I get really annoyed and start shouting at her. This has happened twice. Once she insisted the wedding had to be at 5pm. When she found out the registrars latest wedding is 4, she moved it to there and insisted it had to be then. I wanted a 1pm wedding, and it took a whole evening before I got it to 2pm. The other time was last week. She wanted to change the timings again, and had she told me calmly her reasons why and I could explain my side, then we could have compromised but she didn't let me talk and kept interrupting me and started saying that if she didn't get her own way then she would withdraw from paying half. Apparently she knows better than me because she has been to lots of weddings and I don't know how to organise one and because her family is very traditional she doesn't want to be embarrassed. :mad:. Apparently the argument was all my fault because I got annoyed even though the only reason I got annoyed was she was interrupting me and saying that I don't know how to organise my own wedding. I know feel that nothing is my choice and it's basically going to be her wedding with me standing there. I'm just glad that she will not have anything to do with the bridal group decisions such as my dress and bridesmaid dresses because I won't let her.

I'm sorry...but why on earth are you letting her pay for half of it then?

You are just going to end up resenting your day. You should tell her thanks but no thanks and stick with a wedding you can both afford. It may not be quite the same but at least it would be all your decisions and you wouldn't be beholden to her.


Edited to add: have now read all your subsequent posts and appreciate how hard it is, but if it would me I would still be ready to tell her to keep her money and we would mange without. I uess it all depends on how much half equates to though.

Bitsy_Beans

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

My MIL (God rest her) said "was it planned?" On hearing of my third pregnancy.

I was 6 months pregnant with first baby and we'd decorated the nursery. Took FIL up to show him the room and the cot and he proceeded to bang on about cot deaths :eek: Honestly he'd give the Duke of Edinburgh a run for him money :rotfl: