Irritating Relation Get It Off Your Chest Thread.

pimento

Olokia wrote: »

I have never got on with my future MIL.

She's really sexist. When we go around her house we are expected to help with washing up and cooking (fair enough, we are creating extra work) but what I object to is that she expected me to do all the helping and not my OH because I'm female. She soon realised I won't stand for that. Housework is equal.

She thinks we are extremely fat (we are slightly but not how she makes it out to be, she is very underweight, so maybe compared to her) and once my OH wanted a cake for dessert (and have proper portion sizes so we wouldn't have too many calories) and I told him better not. When we got back in the car, she then started screaming at both of us saying that we were going to get really ill if we carry on this way.

Another time we were having a bbq and she had made home made garlic bread. I was on a diet at this time but I absolutely love garlic bread (or anything with garlic) but gave huge portions to her and OH and gave me one tiny slice because I insisted because "it's only for people who can have it". Those were her words and it felt like she was rubbing it in that she could have a better meal. I had cardboard WeightWatchers sausages and 1 tiny slice of garlic bread and they had the extra special sausages and huge portions of garlic bread. Argh! My self control is not that good so it just made me fed up with the diet. This is just one example of many meals and it just made my diet harder.

I'm planning my wedding at the moment and she is paying for half because she has quite a bit of money. My parents don't have any spare and because it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for most of the wedding (I have no idea why) she keeps mentioning this to me and in the end my parents contributed £1000 but this still isn't good enough. Also because she is paying half of the wedding, we have to put all our ideas by her first so she can give her opinion. When I disagree with her, I say so and giving her opinion usually means her having a half hour long rant about why I am wrong and I can't even say my reasons for making my decision. When she pauses for breath, I usually try to give my reasons then, but she carries on talking over me (which is one thing I absolutely hate) then I get really annoyed and start shouting at her. This has happened twice. Once she insisted the wedding had to be at 5pm. When she found out the registrars latest wedding is 4, she moved it to there and insisted it had to be then. I wanted a 1pm wedding, and it took a whole evening before I got it to 2pm. The other time was last week. She wanted to change the timings again, and had she told me calmly her reasons why and I could explain my side, then we could have compromised but she didn't let me talk and kept interrupting me and started saying that if she didn't get her own way then she would withdraw from paying half. Apparently she knows better than me because she has been to lots of weddings and I don't know how to organise one and because her family is very traditional she doesn't want to be embarrassed. :mad:. Apparently the argument was all my fault because I got annoyed even though the only reason I got annoyed was she was interrupting me and saying that I don't know how to organise my own wedding. I know feel that nothing is my choice and it's basically going to be her wedding with me standing there. I'm just glad that she will not have anything to do with the bridal group decisions such as my dress and bridesmaid dresses because I won't let her.

Tell your MIL you don't need her to pay for your wedding and cut her (and her money) out of the equation.

balletshoes

Olokia wrote: »

I do, but each time she threatens us with taking the money away and we really need it. Each time I have compromised but in my favour.

I just hope you can keep the dream going then until you don't need her money anymore. And I hope you won't ever ask her to financially contribute, or accept any money from her in future, because it sounds like it will always come with many strings attached.

aliasojo

Olokia wrote: »

I do, but each time she threatens us with taking the money away and we really need it. Each time I have compromised but in my favour.

You are putting money and material things before self respect. I think you have your priorities all wrong.

That said, we are all different and it's not for me to to judge you so I hope you have a lovely wedding despite her involvement. I wish you luck for the future.

lostinrates

Olokia wrote: »

I do, but each time she threatens us with taking the money away and we really need it. Each time I have compromised but in my favour.
.

IMO, if you need money so badly for other stuff then you cannot afford this wedding. And you will have this wedding that she's paying towards hanging over you for ever. If your parents can't afford the money give it back, cancel the wedding and write of the £2k deposits....it will still be cheaper.

Olokia

balletshoes wrote: »

I just hope you can keep the dream going then until you don't need her money anymore. And I hope you won't ever ask her to financially contribute, or accept any money from her in future, because it sounds like it will always come with many strings attached.

Oh I won't accept any more. We only did because she said it was a gift and she wanted to pay for some of the wedding. Now we have booked stuff, we need that money but never again.

Finally good to get all this off my chest because OH and I have arguments if I talk to him about it.

IMO, if you need money so badly for other stuff then you cannot afford this wedding.

We don't need money badly for other stuff...

euronorris

pimento wrote: »

Tell your MIL you don't need her to pay for your wedding and cut her (and her money) out of the equation.

Best advice for this situation.

Cut your losses on the deposits, and save up yourselves. Her money is not worth this hassle!

Sambucus_Nigra

lostinrates wrote: »

IMO, if you need money so badly for other stuff then you cannot afford this wedding.

Absolutely.

lostinrates

Olokia wrote: »

We don't need money badly for other stuff...

then if this is all for the wedding...of course she feels the right to an opinion. This is why dh and I eloped. Best thing we ever did. yes money was lost, but equally a line was drawn over which our parents were clearly shown was not to be crossed into our relationship and decisions. Yoiur choice that saw your parents struggle to give you money. It is your choice to have her butting in. Not a nice choice, I grant you, but still....you have the big day and her or a smaller day and each other.

Marriages do not need weddings, infact, somre of the best ones don't have them!

pimento

lostinrates wrote: »

Marriages do not need weddings, infact, somre of the best ones don't have them!

Quite so!

Olokia

lostinrates wrote: »

then if this is all for the wedding...of course she feels the right to an opinion. This is why dh and I eloped. Best thing we ever did. yes money was lost, but equally a line was drawn over which our parents were clearly shown was not to be crossed into our relationship and decisions. It is your choice to have her butting in. Not a nice choice, I grant you, but still....you have the big day and her or a smaller day and each other.

Of course she can have an opinion but I object to her opinion being the only option which she seems to think it is.

I know people don't agree with me but I am having my dream wedding and if I have to compromise on a few things to get it, then that's what I am going to do. I really don't want a wedding abroad.

I can be annoyed about it though and that is why I posted it all here but I probably won't really notice on the day.

I thought the money was what she said it was, a gift. I will never make the same mistake in the future. I am now expecting it so when I start having kids, I will know what she is like and stop her before she takes over.