Irritating Relation Get It Off Your Chest Thread.

aliasojo

mark88man wrote: »

I think more sympathy is needed. sounds like the OP MIL is being dealt with at a transactional level (a nuisance to be sorted), but that you (or anyone else) doesn't really spend any quality time with her.

It also seems that all the other relatives are getting precedence. I know people are talking supernanny, but you trying to stop the symptoms, whilst to me it seems the underlying reason is lack of real warmth - and being told to join a club won't cut it

Even if that were the case, the woman is a grown adult who is perfectly able to discuss her feelings without resorting to behaviour which upsets/annoys others and wont stop despite being told many times that it's not suitable.

If she is unable to act responsibly and considerately, continues bothering others and is then given more attention socially, what message has that sent? The wrong one imo.

Good behaviour is rewarded, not troublesome behaviour. In all ages.

Imo.

I think sometimes when people get older they can tend to become more focused on themselves generally and forget there is a bigger picture out there.

marywooyeah

I'm really surprised none of your neighbours have gone and shouted at her actually, maybe that would shock her a bit!
sounds like you do loads for her, what more could she possibly want? like you say you have enough on your plate as it is!

balletshoes

HeidiHi wrote: »

She'd be thrilled. Because she needs less and less sleep these days, and because she's fast asleep by 9pm every night she's up at 4:00am and bored witless by 6:00am.

If you ignore her knocking she gets louder and louder and eventually either she gets visibly distressed, and or someone calls the police.

I know this because she did it once when I was naked and in the middle of dying my hair and I had to run past the glass front door in the altogether, grab a not really big enough towel and go out there just as the panda car drew up alongside.

My hair colour did not come out well.

Because there was a crisis I came back really late from work once at about 8:45am and I couldn't believe how loud she was in the street. If people have their bedroom windows open it would drive them batty.

If this was a new thing I'd think she was going senile but she's been doing it for decades.

Something about people not being in or not answering the door makes her crazy.

If we're ever out when she calls she just naturally assumes that we were deliberately hiding and refusing to answer the door to her.

No amount of showing her that you can't see who it is from inside the house without them being able to see you will convince her.

she really sounds like she has issues - I wouldn't lend her anything again, (and I'd let the police pick her up ).

gratefulforhelp_2

building_with_lego wrote: »

me....
May I share something that's bugged me for eight years? When we were in the first trimester of my first pregnancy (and still worried about miscarriage) we shared the exciting news with my parents, then OH's dad and mum. Part of the conversation was about it still being early days, and so we were not telling everyone yet, just our parents, and that we'd go public at a later date. My FiL waited till we'd left his house then immediately rang my SiL to tell her the good news :mad: and after OH rang his mum to tell her (she lives abroad) she rang his brother to tell him. WHAT IS IT WITH SOME PEOPLE AND THEIR SELECTIVE HEARING?? They were specifically told not to tell anyone else.

My MIL (God rest her) said "was it planned?" On hearing of my third pregnancy.

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

How about giving her a key?

Noooooo:eek:

aliasojo wrote: »

Good behaviour is rewarded, not troublesome behaviour. In all ages.
The only way to go.
I think sometimes when people get older they can tend to become more focused on themselves generally and forget there is a bigger picture out there.

How true.

OP if police are being called, if she is that bad, is she really all there?

Olokia

I have never got on with my future MIL.

She's really sexist. When we go around her house we are expected to help with washing up and cooking (fair enough, we are creating extra work) but what I object to is that she expected me to do all the helping and not my OH because I'm female. She soon realised I won't stand for that. Housework is equal.

She thinks we are extremely fat (we are slightly but not how she makes it out to be, she is very underweight, so maybe compared to her) and once my OH wanted a cake for dessert (and have proper portion sizes so we wouldn't have too many calories) and I told him better not. When we got back in the car, she then started screaming at both of us saying that we were going to get really ill if we carry on this way.

Another time we were having a bbq and she had made home made garlic bread. I was on a diet at this time but I absolutely love garlic bread (or anything with garlic) but gave huge portions to her and OH and gave me one tiny slice because I insisted because "it's only for people who can have it". Those were her words and it felt like she was rubbing it in that she could have a better meal. I had cardboard WeightWatchers sausages and 1 tiny slice of garlic bread and they had the extra special sausages and huge portions of garlic bread. Argh! My self control is not that good so it just made me fed up with the diet. This is just one example of many meals and it just made my diet harder.

I'm planning my wedding at the moment and she is paying for half because she has quite a bit of money. My parents don't have any spare and because it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for most of the wedding (I have no idea why) she keeps mentioning this to me and in the end my parents contributed £1000 but this still isn't good enough. Also because she is paying half of the wedding, we have to put all our ideas by her first so she can give her opinion. When I disagree with her, I say so and giving her opinion usually means her having a half hour long rant about why I am wrong and I can't even say my reasons for making my decision. When she pauses for breath, I usually try to give my reasons then, but she carries on talking over me (which is one thing I absolutely hate) then I get really annoyed and start shouting at her. This has happened twice. Once she insisted the wedding had to be at 5pm. When she found out the registrars latest wedding is 4, she moved it to there and insisted it had to be then. I wanted a 1pm wedding, and it took a whole evening before I got it to 2pm. The other time was last week. She wanted to change the timings again, and had she told me calmly her reasons why and I could explain my side, then we could have compromised but she didn't let me talk and kept interrupting me and started saying that if she didn't get her own way then she would withdraw from paying half. Apparently she knows better than me because she has been to lots of weddings and I don't know how to organise one and because her family is very traditional she doesn't want to be embarrassed. :mad:. Apparently the argument was all my fault because I got annoyed even though the only reason I got annoyed was she was interrupting me and saying that I don't know how to organise my own wedding. I know feel that nothing is my choice and it's basically going to be her wedding with me standing there. I'm just glad that she will not have anything to do with the bridal group decisions such as my dress and bridesmaid dresses because I won't let her.

balletshoes

Olokia wrote: »

I have never got on with my future MIL.

She's really sexist. When we go around her house we are expected to help with washing up and cooking (fair enough, we are creating extra work) but what I object to is that she expected me to do all the helping and not my OH because I'm female. She soon realised I won't stand for that. Housework is equal.

She thinks we are extremely fat (we are slightly but not how she makes it out to be, she is very underweight, so maybe compared to her) and once my OH wanted a cake for dessert (and have proper portion sizes so we wouldn't have too many calories) and I told him better not. When we got back in the car, she then started screaming at both of us saying that we were going to get really ill if we carry on this way.

Another time we were having a bbq and she had made home made garlic bread. I was on a diet at this time but I absolutely love garlic bread (or anything with garlic) but gave huge portions to her and OH and gave me one tiny slice because I insisted because "it's only for people who can have it". Those were her words and it felt like she was rubbing it in that she could have a better meal. I had cardboard WeightWatchers sausages and 1 tiny slice of garlic bread and they had the extra special sausages and huge portions of garlic bread. Argh! My self control is not that good so it just made me fed up with the diet. This is just one example of many meals and it just made my diet harder.

I'm planning my wedding at the moment and she is paying for half because she has quite a bit of money. My parents don't have any spare and because it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for most of the wedding (I have no idea why) she keeps mentioning this to me and in the end my parents contributed £1000 but this still isn't good enough. Also because she is paying half of the wedding, we have to put all our ideas by her first so she can give her opinion. When I disagree with her, I say so and giving her opinion usually means her having a half hour long rant about why I am wrong and I can't even say my reasons for making my decision. When she pauses for breath, I usually try to give my reasons then, but she carries on talking over me (which is one thing I absolutely hate) then I get really annoyed and start shouting at her. This has happened twice. Once she insisted the wedding had to be at 5pm. When she found out the registrars latest wedding is 4, she moved it to there and insisted it had to be then. I wanted a 1pm wedding, and it took a whole evening before I got it to 2pm. The other time was last week. She wanted to change the timings again, and had she told me calmly her reasons why and I could explain my side, then we could have compromised but she didn't let me talk and kept interrupting me and started saying that if she didn't get her own way then she would withdraw from paying half. Apparently she knows better than me because she has been to lots of weddings and I don't know how to organise one and because her family is very traditional she doesn't want to be embarrassed. :mad:. Apparently the argument was all my fault because I got annoyed even though the only reason I got annoyed was she was interrupting me and saying that I don't know how to organise my own wedding. I know feel that nothing is my choice and it's basically going to be her wedding with me standing there. I'm just glad that she will not have anything to do with the bridal group decisions such as my dress and bridesmaid dresses because I won't let her.

wow - how on earth are you going to be able to get through the next 10 months until your wedding, with your MIL sticking her oar in so much? I'd be very tempted to nick off abroad and come back hitched, save all the hassle and stress (oh wait, I did!!!).

aliasojo

Olokia wrote: »

I know feel that nothing is my choice and it's basically going to be her wedding with me standing there. I'm just glad that she will not have anything to do with the bridal group decisions such as my dress and bridesmaid dresses because I won't let her.

I can only imagine that you feel as though you are stuck between a rock and a hard place but she isn't the problem, you are. Sorry, don't mean to make you feel bad in any way, just pointing out that people treat us the way they do, because we let them.

Fast forward a few years, will she be having a say in how you decorate your home, what nursery or school your children will go to, what bedtimes they have etc etc.

I expect you don't want to cause any upset but really, you need to stop this now.

Sambucus_Nigra

Olokia wrote: »

I'm just glad that she will not have anything to do with the bridal group decisions such as my dress and bridesmaid dresses because I won't let her.

That's what registry offices are for chuck. Tell her to cancel her contribution and you'll book it there instead.

Olokia

I really want to do that but we have spent about £2000 in deposits so far and its such a nice place to have a wedding. (Although MIL complained about it until she saw it. She wanted us to have a ugly places as our reception because she thought it was cheaper. Every time I worked the prices out and each time my dream place was cheaper. ). Also she would still be there if we got married abroad as OH has to have her at the wedding and she would hate us if she wasn't there.

Olokia

aliasojo wrote: »

I can only imagine that you feel as though you are stuck between a rock and a hard place but she isn't the problem, you are. Sorry, don't mean to make you feel bad in any way, just pointing out that people treat us the way they do, because we let them.

Fast forward a few years, will she be having a say in how you decorate your home, what nursery or school your children will go to, what bedtimes they have etc etc.

I expect you don't want to cause any upset but really, you need to stop this now.

I do, but each time she threatens us with taking the money away and we really need it. Each time I have compromised but in my favour.

Each time she has been like that to me with anything but the wedding, I do stand up for myself and she has got better but because she has the money thing with the wedding I can't do it there.

Oh I thought of another thing she does. She thinks it would be very cruel if I got a dog right now because I work and I understand that with some dogs it might be so I am looking for an old calm dog. I talk about getting a dog quite a lot because I've always wanted one and she started shouting at me saying it was cruel and I should stop nagging my OH because he will eventually get fed up and leave.