Irritating Relation Get It Off Your Chest Thread.

HeidiHi

marywooyeah wrote: »

it's good that he gets angry too rather than telling you to calm down and making out like she's not doing anything wrong - far too many men put their mums on a pedestal!
sounds like she's really lonely - can you palm her off to some early morning OAP coffee meeting or something?

My husband has much less patience with her than I do. My eldest daughter is quite good with her, but the two younger ones don't get it at all.

She is lonely, but she won't join anything, or go to anything and she gets angry if we suggest anything. We both work, and we've got three kids and half a dozen other elderly relatives who need us too. It's no good her relying on us to fill all her needs.

A lot of the time we devote to her is doing things for her, like cutting her hedges, creosoting her fences, doing her decorating, taking her garden rubbish to the dump. I'm sure she'd prefer that we did more things with her. I'm always hearing about her friend's daughter in law who takes her out regularly, but like I said she's not my only obligation.

If she just waited an hour and a half and give us chance to get up and moving it would be fine, (well better at least) but she just can't make herself do that.

HeidiHi

*Louise* wrote: »

OMG....she is crackers....:eek:

Yes. A little bit. Definitely.

Bitsy_Beans

Wow I think the "wotsit" issue would irritate me the most! How rude

Can I add my FIL. in some respects he's a lovely man but he forgot DD's birthday. Completely. Even after he was told it was DD's birthday he didn't bother to get a card. So H told him we wanted to get her a bike, more specifically a Disney Princess bike (as she's mad on them ATM) OK says FIL, maybe we'll have a look in Halfords together. So he starts mooching round on his own calls round and I have a conversation with him about bikes. So I reiterated that we were looking to get a Princess bike. I said it several times so it was clear which one we wanted. So he heads off the following day to a local shop where he proceeds to buy a red boys bike for her. According to FIL although I mentioned the Princess bike he got the impression that any bike would do :mad::mad: So H has to try and get the money back and I have ordered the very thing we needed of internet. whilst I am grateful for FIL contributing to this gift I am cross that yet again he doesn't listen. We have endless conversations about stuff and then he goes ahead and does what he wants to anyway grrrrrrr.

building_with_lego

Wow, some of you have some astonishing relatives! If anyone called me Wotsit I would happily ignore them until they died- if you can't make the effort with me....

May I share something that's bugged me for eight years? When we were in the first trimester of my first pregnancy (and still worried about miscarriage) we shared the exciting news with my parents, then OH's dad and mum. Part of the conversation was about it still being early days, and so we were not telling everyone yet, just our parents, and that we'd go public at a later date. My FiL waited till we'd left his house then immediately rang my SiL to tell her the good news :mad: and after OH rang his mum to tell her (she lives abroad) she rang his brother to tell him. WHAT IS IT WITH SOME PEOPLE AND THEIR SELECTIVE HEARING?? They were specifically told not to tell anyone else.
It's relatively minor in the scheme of things, they are all lovely people and are very warm and considerate usually but that particularly got to me, and OH will *never* get the chance to tell his brother and sister that he is to become a father.

Sambucus_Nigra

Oi Wotsit. I mean Jemima. Erm - sorry Heidi.

How about giving her a key? Or paying one of the kids to get up early and let her in? Or do it to hers at 10pm every night? Or changing your answerphone to say 'If that's wotsit, the old lady that we are related to - please DO NOT come round until you have spoken to your son'. Or just let the police turn up and giver her a warning. Or refuse to open the door no matter how much she knocks [what would actually happen if you were all out for an early morning walk one day?] or your OH could get up, open the door naked, and tell her you are in the middle of a session and to please go home and do not do this again.

aliasojo

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

How about giving her a key? Or paying one of the kids to get up early and let her in?

:eek: All other suggestions I agree with.........but these two?

OP she continues with the same behaviour because you let her.

If she wont change, then the way you deal with it has to. All depends on how far you want to go.

Personally I'm not one who supports the 'blood is thicker than water therefore all manner of crap must be bourne if it's a family member who you're dealing with' school of thought. I just wouldn't allow this to continue. I'd warn all the neighbours in advance that some tough love will be taking place and then I'd ignore, ignore, ignore. It will take a few attempts but the message will get through eventually.

Lozzy88

i would be tempted to move and not tell her, or at the very least go away for the full weekend and not tell her, then let the police deal with the crazy lady.

Or start turning up at her house the night before she usually comes to yours at about 9pm, telling her you just popped in to get that thing back i lent you, because i wont be in in the morning.

She sounds totally off her tree tho

Memory_Girl

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

or your OH could get up, open the door naked, and tell her you are in the middle of a session and to please go home and do not do this again.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Or like "sleep training" toddlers a la Supernanny

OH opens the door, takes whatever she is offering and says the first time

"Thanks Mum - I'm off back to bed now" then shuts the door on her

Second time

"Too early - Bye Mum" and shuts the door

Third time

Says nothing - just shuts the door on her.


................ of course the secret would be then ignoring her knocking on the door in the future.

Can you tell I'm not a morning person?

MG

Sambucus_Nigra

aliasojo wrote: »

:eek: All other suggestions I agree with.........but these two?

Only included as she seems to be let in anyway.....I'd stand my ground and be conveniently out for a few times myself.

mark55man

lozzy88 wrote: »

i would be tempted to move and not tell her, or at the very least go away for the full weekend and not tell her, then let the police deal with the crazy lady.

Or start turning up at her house the night before she usually comes to yours at about 9pm, telling her you just popped in to get that thing back i lent you, because i wont be in in the morning.

She sounds totally off her tree tho

aliasojo wrote: »

Personally I'm not one who supports the 'blood is thicker than water therefore all manner of crap must be bourne if it's a family member who you're dealing with' school of thought. I just wouldn't allow this to continue. I'd warn all the neighbours in advance that some tough love will be taking place and then I'd ignore, ignore, ignore. It will take a few attempts but the message will get through eventually.

I think more sympathy is needed. sounds like the OP MIL is being dealt with at a transactional level (a nuisance to be sorted), but that you (or anyone else) doesn't really spend any quality time with her.

It also seems that all the other relatives are getting precedence. I know people are talking supernanny, but you trying to stop the symptoms, whilst to me it seems the underlying reason is lack of real warmth - and being told to join a club won't cut it