Very upset son because we are moving, help?

Spendless

weeze210 wrote: »

My husband is a lovely man and not controlling at all. I have been there and there is no comparison. He took on all 3 of my kids when we got together, they were just 4, 10 and 12. He took over paying all the bills, including the mortgage and has never told me what to do. Even if I ask him he always says its my decision. I think me being married and happy is better than when I was alone and misserable or married before and scared, surely this is better also for the kids. I'm hoping when he is around more he might spend more time with my son and they might find a common hobby. He is a lovely man and would do anything for me. He has said many times that if I change my mind we won't go, but now we have looked into it and made a decision if we change our mind there will always be the 'What if?'

Weeze x

What's your middle child doing? I'm guessing that the 4 and 12 year olds are now the 10 and 18 year olds?

I think a lot of it sounds positive, a house that you wouldn't have afforded a few years back, going from an estate with some problems, to one with an outdoorsy lifestyle. You have your own car to ferry kids about if they aren't able to do so themselves.

What about if tax credits dissappear or reduce or when your youngest grows up, will you manage then?

weeze210

Spendless wrote: »

What's your middle child doing? I'm guessing that the 4 and 12 year olds are now the 10 and 18 year olds?

I think a lot of it sounds positive, a house that you wouldn't have afforded a few years back, going from an estate with some problems, to one with an outdoorsy lifestyle. You have your own car to ferry kids about if they aren't able to do so themselves.

What about if tax credits dissappear or reduce or when your youngest grows up, will you manage then?

I also have a now 19yr old son who lives with his dad as I said earlier. He has just finished a 3yr joinery course and has managed to get a job with a kitchen fitter.
I will be looking for a job once we have settled in.

Weeze x

Padstow

weeze210 wrote: »

We need to move to that area because we need to be where the off road school is based. Also in the nearby towns we wouldn't be able to get the land we need and the parking is difficult as we have a large car and a huge van. We also need storage for my husbands bikes.
My son has been really playing up since he got home from school, I'm not sure wether to be cross with him or to let it slide. I think an early night is in order. Last day at school tomorrow.

Weeze x

Not cross weeze, sounds like you are going, so make it sound as an exciting adventure. Ask his opinion on how he wants his room, ask for his help etc. In other words keep him involved and busy.
When we moved to a Hamlet of twenty houses when my daughter was nine, the first thing I did was ask her to post some letters. She was thrilled, as she'd never been allowed such freedom. I was of course watching her from the house.
Has he notified all his friends of his new address for instance?

Aarh, I wonder if he has picked up on mum's doubts?
Well as you are going, up the excitement factor. I hope you have a great life.

BTW, my previous post was made before I read how kind your H is. Maybe he's just not a fatherly type man. None of us is perfect.

Spendless

weeze210 wrote: »

I also have a now 19yr old son who lives with his dad as I said earlier. He has just finished a 3yr joinery course and has managed to get a job with a kitchen fitter.
I will be looking for a job once we have settled in.

Weeze x

Sorry I missed that post. I'd try again with your ex to see if he'd have your daughter.

Is there much work where you're moving to? I live in a very large (but deprived) town and it's a nightmare trying to find anything suitable.

What end of the hols are you moving?

weeze210

Padstow wrote: »

Not cross weeze, sounds like you are going, so make it sound as an exciting adventure. Ask his opinion on how he wants his room, ask for his help etc. In other words keep him involved and busy.
When we moved to a Hamlet of twenty houses when my daughter was nine, the first thing I did was ask her to post some letters. She was thrilled, as she'd never been allowed such freedom. I was of course watching her from the house.
Has he notified all his friends of his new address for instance?

Aarh, I wonder if he has picked up on mum's doubts?
Well as you are going, up the excitement factor. I hope you have a great life.

BTW, my previous post was made before I read how kind your H is. Maybe he's just not a fatherly type man. None of us is perfect.

He admits he's not the fartherly type.
We have already discussed his room and he wants bunk beds so friends can stay, I have agreed to this.
At school they have 'show and tell' and he has been taking in the details of the new house and been on google to show everyone where we are going. On one trip to Wales we had a walk around Lake Vyrnwy and he asked me to take pictures at various points so he could take them into school for 'show and tell'. When we visited his new school they gave us a menu, the latest newsletter and holiday dates. One side was in english and the otherside was all in Welsh so he took those in for 'show and tell'. He has seemed fine about it until now. Our house was on the market from end of Feb and only sold recently so he has known what was going on since then. We even had a weekend in Wales around that time to have a look at the area.

Weeze x

weeze210

Spendless wrote: »

Sorry I missed that post. I'd try again with your ex to see if he'd have your daughter.

Is there much work where you're moving to? I live in a very large (but deprived) town and it's a nightmare trying to find anything suitable.

What end of the hols are you moving?

We are waiting for a moving date but hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later. It's just paperwork to sort out.

Weeze x

inspirespirit

When my son was having problems and hating the move and his new school, we invited all his classmates round for a pool competition. We hired a pool table, and I bought some cheap trophies and did loads of food. It definitely helped.

I would imagine if his stepdad runs an off road motorbike school (we have one just up the road from me and there are loads of young lads who go ; they have smaller motorbikes but apart from that, they look like 'proper' little bikers), he is going to be very popular if he could invite some of his new 'mates' round to the motorbike school. Maybe you could suggest something like this to your husband - it could be a great way of getting some male bonding going.

Padstow

weeze210 wrote: »

We are waiting for a moving date but hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later. It's just paperwork to sort out.

Weeze x

You have decided, even against the doom-mongers such as myself to go for it.
Will you keep us updated as to how your son and daughter, you too of course are getting on?

I'm sure we would all like updates.
Pob Iwc.

BitterAndTwisted

weeze210 wrote: »

He admits he's not the fatherly type.
We have already discussed his room and he wants bunk beds so friends can stay, I have agreed to this.
At school they have 'show and tell' and he has been taking in the details of the new house and been on google to show everyone where we are going. On one trip to Wales we had a walk around Lake Vyrnwy and he asked me to take pictures at various points so he could take them into school for 'show and tell'. When we visited his new school they gave us a menu, the latest newsletter and holiday dates. One side was in english and the other side was all in Welsh so he took those in for 'show and tell'. He has seemed fine about it until now. Our house was on the market from end of Feb and only sold recently so he has known what was going on since then. We even had a weekend in Wales around that time to have a look at the area.

Weeze x

Sounds like your young man has settled on the idea of the move quite well and is just having a last-minute wobble now that the end of term is nigh.

He's going to be fine, I'm sure. Especially when his little pals at his new school find out about the motor-bikes.

viktory

inspirespirit wrote: »

I would have thought when you read the part that her husband is taking a lower paid job and she is giving up her job, therefore they will be subsidised by Benefits, you would have been on her like a seagull on a chip. :rotfl::rotfl:

This board never ceases to amaze me.

Just goes to show how wrong you can be, doesn't it?