Very upset son because we are moving, help?

weeze210

Hi all, I really need some advice on ways to help my son.
A quick background,
We live on a council estate, I have bought my house though, in staffordshire. Its not a bad estate but it does have its problems. My husband of 3 years, not my sons dad, is a self employed electrician. He spends many weekends in Wales helping out at an off road motorbike school. He loves this and hates his job. We have made the desision to sell up and move to Wales as there is a job for my husband with the school. I am willing to move away from my friends and family to support him in this as we will beable to spend more quality time together.
We have bought the house, took the children to see it and my son has been to see his new school.
I have a daughter who is 18, she doesn't want to move.
My son is 10 years old, last night he was sobbing and I sat for ages with him trying to get out of him what was I could get was '.its your fault'. Eventually I got out of him that he didn't want to move and he wanted to stay in our house with the new people. He doesn't want to go to school today as they are having a 'stupid party' as the headmaster is leaving. He has lots of friends at home and school which I have assured him we will come back to visit as I'll be back to visit my friends and family.He is quite a shy boy though when meeting any new people. He will be starting yr 6 when we move so he can make some new friends before starting 'big school'
How do I help him emotionally? As my husband has said 'there is no compromise, we either go or don't go!'
He seemed to be ok with the idea untill last night at bed time. I think it suddenly dawned on him what was happening as he only has 2 more days at this school.
I hate to see my son so upset, I want to help him.:(

Weeze x

Spendless

I moved areas at the end of yr 6 (just a different part of the town but to a new school and away from friends) and also said I didnd't want to go right at the last minute - either the day before or the day of the move! This was despite knowing for months about moving away and watching my parents new-build go up. It was just it 'hit' me right at the end. I struggled that summer hols a bit cos I hadn't started school in the new area, so didn't know any new kids, and couldn't make any via clubs cos they were also term-time.

Something I wish I'd been made more aware of; my parents thought I'd go straight to Secondary school but we moved into an area that had an 8-12 middle school system and I moved to Secondary a year later, and with that I struggled cos it was 2 consecutive years of making new friends. If someone had talked this bit thru to me and made me a lot more aware I think I wouldn't have struggled to settle so much when I went to Secondary.

jamespir

i think you have to be cruel to be kind he may not like it but your the adults here hell soon make new friends and form new bonds with new house

robpw2

the only thing you can offer him is support, whilst he is upset now, we all get upset by change (or i certainly do ) and there are many emotions to deal with

i think you may want to take him if you can to the new area (before you move) and show him some of the good places he can go such as local parks, or attractions
perhaps see if there are any summer activities for children in the new area so he can get to meet other children his age and maybe make some new friends

inspirespirit

Is your 18 year old going with you? What kind of relationship does your son have with his stepfather? If you move, will your son still get to see his biological father on a regular basis?

Threebabes

It probably feels like the end of the world to him at the moment. Being the adult you have to decide whats best for him, whether he likes it or not. With time he will settle. We moved when my son was 5, I know hes younger but he was fine. Rather do it when hes 10 than half way through the comprehensive.

weeze210

inspirespirit wrote: »

Is your 18 year old going with you? What kind of relationship does your son have with his stepfather? If you move, will your son still get to see his biological father on a regular basis?

He gets on ok with his sister. My daughter is trying to find some way of staying here but I think she'll have to come with us. She's 18 but very imature for her age.
My son gets on ok with his stepfather and hasn't seen his real father for a couple of years. The last contact we had was a birthday card through to post last year. Nothing for christmas or birthday just gone!

Weeze x

weeze210

robpw2 wrote: »

the only thing you can offer him is support, whilst he is upset now, we all get upset by change (or i certainly do ) and there are many emotions to deal with

i think you may want to take him if you can to the new area (before you move) and show him some of the good places he can go such as local parks, or attractions
perhaps see if there are any summer activities for children in the new area so he can get to meet other children his age and maybe make some new friends

We've been to the new area a few times and walked the puppy in the forestry land just outside the back gate. The area we are going only has 42 houses and a small shop. Not sure how many kids live there but we have met a couple and heard of others that'll be going to school with him.

Weeze x

weeze210

Thanks for your replys. Moving house is a nightmare and this is making it very hard and making me question my decisions

Weeze x

Lotus-eater

Where you are moving to, there will be an area where the kids play outside. You just need to find it, then he can go up to them and meet them. After that he should be OK. He just needs that initial confidence.

inspirespirit

Could your husband get him involved with the off road motorcyle club? I would have thought a 10 year old boy would have absolutely loved being involved with motorbikes (even if not allowed to ride, he could help out tinkering and fixing). If your son and husband can establish a good relationship it would make it a lot easier for your son.

At the moment, your son is moving from everything he has ever known (maybe even his sister), and he is also having to share his mum with a new man. Very very scary for a young lad. That is why I think if he could have a really good relationship, rather than an 'ok' relationship with his stepdad, it would make the move easier for him.