Very upset son because we are moving, help?

olibrofiz

I'd go, but I'm a bit of a wanderer We moved every 18 months between the UK and abroad up till I was 20. The only damage it's done to me is I'm rubbish at languages and history, and need to move house every 5 years

So, if you don't make this move will you look back and wish you had, and imagine all the opportunities your kids would have had, but didn't.

I'm sure your son will adapt, he's young enough to. Plus with your OH being around more often there is the potential to build a better relationship between your son and OH. Your DD will find it harder, but once in education, or a job, she'll meet new people. Or maybe, as some have suggested, she could stay with a friend/relative until she finishes her course?

And after a couple of years, if it's not working, you could move back to where you live now?

I think that sometimes you just have to say s*d it, we'll do it.

EDIT: just remembered - with the renting angle, some friends emigrated to Oz and rented out their house in the UK. They never settled and returned a couple of years later - 20 years on they wish they'd stayed out there and think they didn't settle because they knew they had a house to come back to iyswim

Good luck with whatever happens x

skylight

We moved back in April to a larger house on the other side of town. Not as far as you but it is a very large town so schools/friends/clubs all changed - even the shops are different and we no longer see anyone we used to know (just not enough time!)

The 2 and 4yo were fine. But the next 2 (7 and 9) were distraught. For months I had "I am not going" and so on. They didn't want to move; they had spent all their lives in our old house and to them it was a huge undertaking. The eldest is 16 and wasn't bothered (about anything!)

I spent some time molllycoddling them over it, telling them how great it will be, their new bedroom will be huge and just the two of them rather than the four; new clubs and so on. Eventually I had to sit down with them and tell them that I know it will be difficult to leave and even Mummy is finding it hard, but its tough luck. We are moving to a bigger and better house and there is no choice in the matter. They were still grumbling about it until moving day!

Things are soooooo much better since then. The 9yo is a sensitive soul and finding all sorts of things hard (their dad doesn't see them for a start) but she has managed to settle in quite well. Her school work has slid since April but as she has had to cope with so much I have let it go for the time being. But she loves the fact she can go outside and play with friends now. There are plenty of kids around here and they all get on; the old house was on a road and she couldn't go off at all.

But you do have to be persistant. If you are going then thats that and you need to tell him that. To him you may as well be moving to the other side of the world; that would be daunting for you.

Have you looked online for kids clubs? Scouts or St Johns Ambulance for example. He will get to meet people there and those are things you can do in advance to set up ready for when you arrive. Paid clubs like a martial art or swimming?

Likewise, what about you?? I have found it far more difficult to make friends here than the kids have!

skylight

I seem to have missed a post.

So who is paying for this?????? So far I can only make out your current house is mortgage free and "we" are selling up to move to Wales. Does he have somewhere to sell as well then and its a joint property or are you selling and buying in your name alone? Who do you want your money left to when you die? Have you made a will???

He may be your husband, but protect your and your kids financial interests. Especially as he takes little interest in your kids.

pigpen

We moved a few streets and my boys said the same. They would miss their wallpaper, the trees in the garden etc.. it is just childish stuff. Moving house is stressful as an adult, doing it as a child with no control over where to or whatever can't be very nice.

However, in 10 yeas time it is unlikely he will still live with you so you have to do what is right for you all ong term.

He is being a scared little boy.. which is quite normal..

If you think this move is a good idea for you all go for it... you could always move back if it doesn't work out I guess..

DaisyFlower

weeze210 wrote: »

You're right my husband doesn't have much to do with my kids. He has two daughters of his own aged 21 and 23 and doesn't really have much to do with them either. They both live about 40 mins away and we only see them when they contact him because they want something. My husband was in a really bad marriage and wasn't allowed friends or hobbies so he says he needs to do everything now while he is still young and fit enough, he's 45.
I work just 12.5 hrs a week at the moment so I would be giving this up. Will look for a job when I get to Wales though.
We are only able to even consider moving as we don't have a mortgage here as I had skin cancer a couple of yrs ago so my critical illness insurance paid it off. Otherwise we would never have been able to afford it.

Weeze x

That post is the sadest thing i've read for a while, your new husband has no interest in your children (but you married him anyway), you have to give up your job, sell your fully paid for home and upset your son and daughter because its all about him.

What happens when he gets bored again?

With two children the focus should be on them, I cant imagine why anybody would marry somebody that had no interest in their children especially when they live in the same household.

onlyroz

The 10-year-old will get over it. The 18-year-old is an adult, but as she's still in education you should take steps to make sure that it isn't disrupted. I think she needs to stay where she is until her course is over - but can't you help her find a flat-share or "digs" for a year?

weeze210

This house is in my name. His house was sold about 3yrs ago and some of the money paid off my car loan and enabled us to do this house up, new kitchen, new bathroom ect. He also bought a motorbike and several gagets he'd always wanted. The new house will be in joint names with a small mortgage also in joint names. His new job plus tax credits, as he's taking a big pay cut, will fund the new life. I hope to find a job but we'll just about manage if I can't.
My daughter is looking into ways she can stay here but only half heartedly. This makes me think she doesn't want to stay here really, not on her own. She is very immature and I don't think she really knows what she wants to do with her life. When she left school she was addamant she wanted to be a teacher. After a wasted yr at A levels she then decided she wanted to be a teaching assistant. Since we found out that she can't do the same course in Wales she said 'Oh it doesn't matter Ill do performing arts instead!'. She really doesn't know what she wants. I have even suggested she get a job, that was met with a laugh and 'er no!'
I wanted to move before Ds starts secondary school so he could make some friends in a smaller school before going to the bigger school. Primary has 180 pupils and secondary has 800.

Weeze x

weeze210

onlyroz wrote: »

The 10-year-old will get over it. The 18-year-old is an adult, but as she's still in education you should take steps to make sure that it isn't disrupted. I think she needs to stay where she is until her course is over - but can't you help her find a flat-share or "digs" for a year?

I really don't think she is mature enough to live independantly. The way she talks you would think she is 13 or 14 at most. It's so scarey that she can buy alcohol, I worry so much about her as she is so nieve and trusting of others.

Weeze x

DaisyFlower

So moving will mean you have to get a new mortgage (despite not having one now) and he also has to rely on the state to fund the life he wants!! Not to mention he gets a half share in a house that should be your childrens share.

Sorry OP, but moving into that kind of situation is sheer madness.

If your children resent the move and blame it on you, you'll be getting your wish that they will only be with you for a few years.

Pee

At 18 I went to University without much consideration for my parent's feelings about this - they were proud but they weren't ready for me to leave home. You can't decide where you will live based on an eighteen year old daughter who next week might meet someone, decide she's in love and move to another part of the country anyway!