Very upset son because we are moving, help?

weeze210

DaisyFlower wrote: »

So moving will mean you have to get a new mortgage (despite not having one now) and he also has to rely on the state to fund the life he wants!! Not to mention he gets a half share in a house that should be your childrens share.

Sorry OP, but moving into that kind of situation is sheer madness.

If your children resent the move and blame it on you, you'll be getting your wish that they will only be with you for a few years.

I never WISHED that they would only be with me for a few years.
He has put alot of time and money into this house so would be intitled to it if anything happened to me anyway.

Weeze x

viktory

There are a lot of strong opinions on this thread and a lot of assumptions being made. This is dangerous. We don't know the OP, her circumstances or what her relationship is like with her husband and children. We should not be telling the OP what to do (move, don't move, delay, rent...) I am only surprised we've not had a 'I'd kick him out!' post. OP, you have to do what is right for you and your family - all of them. Yes, your son will be upset but he will get over it. He will make new friends. I agree that moving now, before he starts 'big' school is sensible. Your daughter will also get over the upheaval of a move.

Please, don't let complete strangers on an Internet forum decide for you. Talk to your family. Go and visit the area again, get a feel for it. If you choose to move, do it wholeheartedly and with enthusiasm. If you choose not to move, make sure everyone fully understands why.

Good luck.

Oldernotwiser

warehouse wrote: »

I'll be honest here O.P. and say I wouldn't move. It's going to be hard for your 10 year old lad, it's going to be 10 times harder for your 18 year old daughter. Your focus seems to be in the wrong place, you need to talk to your Daughter.

Good luck either way.

No wonder there are so many spoilt children around when their demands are allowed to override their parents' decisions! Fancy suggesting that a child of 10 should dictate his parents' lives for them!

pinkclouds

If you were high school sweethearts and he was the children's father then I'd still say the same: you should put your kids first, above anyone else. Regardless of the background stuff, which I guess we really don't know enough about and shouldn't judge, it seems to me that the boy is 10 and thus 1 year away from secondary school and the girl is 1 year into a 2 year course. I would suggest keeping the house and staying there for 1 year, so the kids' educations are not disrupted, and sending hubby to Wales on his own for 1 year to enable him to take up whatever job he's chasing. He can rent an apartment or get a long-term B&B deal or similar. One year isn't much to an adult but it's a long time to a child. Wales is very near so he can come back to visit as often as possible. And plenty of other people do 6 to 12 month trips, away from family - although, I grant you, Wales is hardly "ex-pat" in the usual sense! After the year is up, sell the house and move to Wales... unless everything has fallen apart, in which case you can be thankful that you didn't move in the first place. And I don't just mean relationship-wise - the job may turn out to be not what hubby expected and he may prefer to move on/back.

If the house sale is quite advanced then I've no doubt there will be significant costs involved but nothing like as much as selling and moving back again in a few months' time. This may well be the only time I'll say: better to accrue debts than regrets. And I'd hope your equity and/or savings will cover it anyway...?

pinkclouds

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

No wonder there are so many spoilt children around when their demands are allowed to override their parents' decisions! Fancy suggesting that a child of 10 should dictate his parents' lives for them!

My parents' timed their last house move for the summer between primary school and secondary school (for me). Why shouldn't that be a valid concern? Parents are there to care for their kids to the best of their ability - not to shrug them off as an inconvenience to their lives.

Oldernotwiser

pinkclouds wrote: »

My parents' timed their last house move for the summer between primary school and secondary school (for me). Why shouldn't that be a valid concern? Parents are there to care for their kids to the best of their ability - not to shrug them off as an inconvenience to their lives.

In an ideal world it would be nice to coincide the house and school moves and a good thing if that were possible. Although, of course, the OP could be facing the same situation next year, possibly more likely if the child has got his way once before.

However, if it isn't possible it seems irresponsible to me to put a child's wishes before a parent's career.

Oldernotwiser

pinkclouds wrote: »

If you were high school sweethearts and he was the children's father then I'd still say the same: you should put your kids first, above anyone else.

No wonder there are so many broken relationships around, with all the harm that does to children!

BitterAndTwisted

"Putting kids first" does not mean always giving in to their demands. Moving home to a better life entails some disruption and some worries about new friends and new schools etcetera but that should never over-ride the original plan if it is a good one. Fear of the unknown can be acute for young kids but that does not mean that they will not or can not adapt. It's the parents' job to provide reassurance that the change will bring benefits for everyone.

Under the circumstances I would not be reconsidering the decision. The kids will manage well if the family is a happy one.

soccermom

From what you are saying it sounds like your daughter could be up for the change as she mentioned to you about drama courses if she moved. I don't think its a bad thing that a child/adult of 18 doesn't know what she wants that's a good thing about that age no responsibilities.

My neice is 18 and doing a child care course, works at Tesco and was planning on a teaching course next year at uni, but now has decided to go and live in Australia for 6 months. Thats the good thing about being their age.

As for the 10 year old, its hard, but he will more than likely forget it ever happened and just get on with it. It's probably a good time to go, if, you are going to he will slot in nicely into the final year of primary then onto secondary with all his new found mates.

Does he like football, try and get him into a local team.

In 2009 we had the chance to go and live in Australia my sons were a bit older at the time 14 and 16. We went and they met loads of new friends on the first day and had a blast, they were sorry they had to come back but slotted straight back into their old schools and football teams.

It sounds to me like this could be a perfect opportunity to create some great quality time as a family and for your hubby to get to know your kids.

You also have to think about what you want will this make you happy. An unhappy mum makes for unhappy kids.

Good luck with your decision, it's hard I know.

supermezzo

If the house sale is too advanced to stop it now, why not allow it to go through, stash the money in the bank and rent somewhere in the same town for 12 months with the interest? Hubby can go to Wales, kids can stay in school and it gives you time to discuss and look at whats best for everyone, which doesnt appear to have happened here - your post makes it sound like hubby has made his decision and you've followed, dragging the kids behind you whether they like it or not. I actually really feel for your kids, most especially the eldest as it must appear to her that neiher parent wants her. Little wonder she's indecisive and not sure what to do.