lies lies and more lies

make_me_wise

A genuine question here, how approachable are you to him talking things through with you? Are you two like chalk and cheese who have completely different views and approaches and struggle to compromise. Do you feel you can reach any common ground and build a relationship based on trust, from both sides.

I get that you are at the end of your rope over this. Some of the things you stated in your first post I found a bit alarming to be honest.

Have you two ever tried Relate or any other form of counselling? I know its not for everyone but some find it very beneficial.

ChloeB

A marriage is about compromise not one person just doing what the other wants. Couldn’t you both sit down and agree a set amount of time for him to play the game each evening? Sometimes people lie as they think it’s the best way for a quiet and easy life not out of spite and malice. I’m sure you would be more annoyed if he was spending those hours down the pub drinking with him mates

i_hate_liars

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

You've read it wrong - he HAS a job, OP just doesnt think its good enough (OP's fella works in a supermarket)

Its not that its not good enough its the fact he went to uni to get a degree. I moved from the opposite end of the country to support him doing this and he now has 20k worth of student debt and alot of other debt because of this. Whats the point in all that effort not to bother looking for job to make it worthwhile. If he wanted to work in a supermarket that would've been fine but why waste 3 years and all that money going to uni?

I think we would really benefit from joint councilling, i will look into that.

January20

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

You've read it wrong - he HAS a job, OP just doesnt think its good enough (OP's fella works in a supermarket)

It sounds like it's the fact he has finished his degree, could be getting a better job, but just hasn't even been looking in more than 12 months. The job market is bad. That is true but there are still people getting jobs because they are trying really hard to get them. I think that is what the OP is narked about: he is not even trying.

i_hate_liars

January20 wrote: »

It sounds like it's the fact he has finished his degree, could be getting a better job, but just hasn't even been looking in more than 12 months. The job market is bad. That is true but there are still people getting jobs because they are trying really hard to get them. I think that is what the OP is narked about: he is not even trying.

You seem to have me spot on. I always tell him its not the getting a job its the making the effort. thats all i ask. I've told him i wouldn't care if he was a bin man if thats what he wanted to do and made the effort to make it happen. Its all about making the effort. I'm not stupid, i know the job market is bad and he is lucky to have a job. if i felt he was actually trying i wouldn't care! All i want is the effort.

liney

So instead of trying to ban a grown man from an activity he enjoys, why not explain that you are feeling abit neglected while he is logged onto the PC, and whether it's gaming or surfing can you agree to log off at Xtime of an evening, so that you have time to do something together.

To be honest though, and you probably aren't going to like this, if you were happy to have him sitting on the PC as long as you could monitor his activity and he wasn't playing his game, it sounds like the problem is that he isn't doing as he's told! Or are you just worried that he'll meet someone else online?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

i_hate_liars wrote: »

Its not that its not good enough its the fact he went to uni to get a degree. I moved from the opposite end of the country to support him doing this and he now has 20k worth of student debt and alot of other debt because of this. Whats the point in all that effort not to bother looking for job to make it worthwhile. If he wanted to work in a supermarket that would've been fine but why waste 3 years and all that money going to uni?

I think we would really benefit from joint councilling, i will look into that.

January20 wrote: »

It sounds like it's the fact he has finished his degree, could be getting a better job, but just hasn't even been looking in more than 12 months. The job market is bad. That is true but there are still people getting jobs because they are trying really hard to get them. I think that is what the OP is narked about: he is not even trying.

He isnt looking for a new job because he doesnt want to - so he must be happy within the job. Where is the problem in that?!

At least he has a job, isnt sitting on the dole (which - he would then have even MORE time to be playing the game)

January20

OP< I agree with you. What is the point of getting a degree, getting into 20K of debt and not try to get a better job? Is he scared of the rejections? Does he lack confidence in his abilities? Would he rather stay in his current job because he doesn't want anymore responsibility? Financially, do you need him to be in a better job? (You don't have to answer this one on the forum, perhaps just to yourself?)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

i_hate_liars wrote: »

You seem to have me spot on. I always tell him its not the getting a job its the making the effort. thats all i ask. I've told him i wouldn't care if he was a bin man if thats what he wanted to do and made the effort to make it happen. Its all about making the effort. I'm not stupid, i know the job market is bad and he is lucky to have a job. if i felt he was actually trying i wouldn't care! All i want is the effort.

So your nagging him about the housework, your nagging him about his job, how he spends his money, and now your nagging him about a game? And you wonder why he is lying to you? seriously?

liney wrote: »

So instead of trying to ban a grown man from an activity he enjoys, why not explain that you are feeling abit neglected while he is logged onto the PC, and whether it's gaming or surfing can you agree to log off at Xtime of an evening, so that you have time to do something together.

To be honest though, and you probably aren't going to like this, if you were happy to have him sitting on the PC as long as you could monitor his activity and he wasn't playing his game, it sounds like the problem is that he isn't doing as he's told! Or are you just worried that he'll meet someone else online?

Thats what i first thought funnily enough.

With regards to the degree - Many people go to uni, get the degree, then realise they dont ACTUALLY want to go into that sector. The point is, he HAS a job. The only reason you should be getting on at him is if it isnt bringing enough money for you to survive.

Errata

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Because the OP's fella is an ADULT and isnt doing anything illegal and it isnt harming his health - He's just annoying the hell out of the OP.

Clearly you believe that an addiction to playing computer games, which is what's happening here by the look of it, is not a health matter.