lies lies and more lies

i_hate_liars

Theres a few things i should add to clarify a few things

He graduated from uni last may (not this one!) and has hardly looked for a job since. he works in a supermarket. I am angry he is playing a waste of time game rather than looking for a job.

Its not the playing the game its the lying and deceit i am upset about? I NEVER check his computer, i've explained as to why i looked yesterday, i did not check his history, it was clearly sat there in an open tab as he was playing it at the time.

Me and his parents do not get on, I would not go mental at them for sending anything for my son, I would be glad that they have as they have not given him any christmas presents or birthday presents and his birthday was in january. why he thought he had to lie to me i really don't know. i'm beginning to think he has a problem

He stopped playing the game as he was doing a degree and should've been spending the time studying instead.

I am mad because he never looks for a job or does any of the things around the house he is supposed to and now i find out instead he is playing a game? I've told him if he actually did these things i wouldn't give a toss what he did in his free time.

He has a very addictive personality and he knows this. He is such a good man but is feeling stressed out about a few things. what annoys me is that instead of dealling with the things stressing him out so they go away he instead ignores them and plays a game. he is a man with a family and a child.

ETA: i have asked him a million times what he is doing on his computer so long and his response is always the same, looking at sports. he is completly obsessed with sports as well. I have told him how i feel and usually it fixes things for a few days and he doesn't go on or watches a film with me but then over time he just goes on more and more.

Again, its not the game its the lies and the sneakyness.

pigpen

You are having a hissy because he is playing a computer game you told him he wasn't allowed to play????

Erm... grow up?!

If my OH (or ANYONE) tried telling me I couldn't dosomething I enjoyed doing I'd tell them exactly where they could go.. he isn't a child.. he isn't taking drugs or drinking excessively or beating you or your child. He is home not sleeping around.

He is spending time you you and your son... what is your problem??????

My OH plays a game too.. similar sounding thing.. so what? So long as he helps deal with the children and knows the real world from computerland and we can go do the things normal families do I don't see there is an issue..

What would you prefer he was doing with those 4 hours in an evening? Falling asleep in front of the tv? Out at the pub?

As for inlaws.. you don't have to like them.. you aren't married to them. I hated mine with a passion, the most self obsessed, 2-faced horrible people you could ever have the misfortune to come across.. and OH's mum and sister are just spoilt brats and dislike me because I say no to them and won't do as they want me to.

I could only bear to read the first half of your post because the pettiness was too much to bear. He isn't lying to you he just isn't giving in to your unreasonable demands.

Anyway... it would make more sense to accept he IS a grown man, he IS going to play this game and let him get on with it.. he has been playing it anyway so I can't see your life changing much.

Errata

He has a very addictive personality and he knows this. He is such a good man but is feeling stressed out about a few things. what annoys me is that instead of dealling with the things stressing him out so they go away he instead ignores them and plays a game. he is a man with a family and a child.

So exactly what are you doing to support him so he's not so stressed? If he was on drugs you'd make sure he had little access to them, so why don't you do that with his computer?

ikati5

Its only a game!!!

You met playing the game so you have a shared interest that he is now not allowed to pursue, he has lied about it or kept it quiet because he is aware that you do not approve.

Cut the guy some slack, at least you know where he is!

Lozzy88

whats wrong with working in a supermarket??? hes lucky to have a job nowadays

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

He has a job though - granted it might not be the job he wanted - but he's still earning money. Have you actually seen the job market recently? there are HUNDREDS of people applying for jobs and getting no where. Be thank ful he has one.

He's an adult - what he does with his time is ultimatley, up to him. You cannot dictate to him, your not his keeper. He feels like he HAS to hide it from you because of your reaction which is why he is deleting his history. The first time you get a look at his pc, you check up on him, then explode. Your treating him like a teenager, so he's acting like one.

He's probably hid the cheques BECAUSE you dont get on with his parents - My ex used to do it (and rightly so - They didnt bother with DD at all but took great pleasure in bragging about what they brought her, so in the end i refused to accept the gifts saying if they didnt want to be "full time" grandparents then not to bother at all)

My OH didnt do anything unless I wrote him a list of what to do - try it, it might work

He's lying because he is scared of your reaction - He's not lying for the sake of lying.

lilac_lady

"am mad because he never looks for a job or does any of the things around the house he is supposed to and now i find out instead he is playing a game? I've told him if he actually did these things i wouldn't give a toss what he did in his free time."

He doesn't work and doesn't help around the house? That's enough to end a partnership, never mind about the addiction (IMO) that he has. I couldn't stand his lies either. There can be no trust living with someone who lies to you.

I think you know the time has come for you to consider your options in this relationship.

Mupette

I can see why he 'lies' you nag, can you not see that it might be you that is stressing him out...

Have you not learned anything about men, the more you nag the more they ignore you....

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Errata wrote: »

So exactly what are you doing to support him so he's not so stressed? If he was on drugs you'd make sure he had little access to them, so why don't you do that with his computer?

Because the OP's fella is an ADULT and isnt doing anything illegal and it isnt harming his health - He's just annoying the hell out of the OP.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

lilac_lady wrote: »

"am mad because he never looks for a job or does any of the things around the house he is supposed to and now i find out instead he is playing a game? I've told him if he actually did these things i wouldn't give a toss what he did in his free time."

He doesn't work and doesn't help around the house? That's enough to end a partnership, never mind about the addiction (IMO) that he has. I couldn't stand his lies either. There can be no trust living with someone who lies to you.

I think you know the time has come for you to consider your options in this relationship.

You've read it wrong - he HAS a job, OP just doesnt think its good enough (OP's fella works in a supermarket)