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lies lies and more lies
i_hate_liars
Posts: 7 Forumite
Hello, another regular posting under a new name for fear of those who know me judging me
OH and I met on a game. Its a real player game and mostly teenagers that play it but theres obviously quite a few adults too. Anyway, i was never really that interested in playing the game, i'd spend along time playing it but i was talking to people the whole time, not actually playing IYSWIM, anyway, once i met OH i played it less and less and so did he. I stopped playing it after a couple of months and so did OH, I can't remember why he did exactly i think i moaned about him spending too much time on it or something. (he is beyond obsessed and was playing until 5am!)
Then yesterday, i was in the bedroom with a headache. when i came through the livingroom and OH's computer was on but he was sitting on the floor with DS, i picked up his computer and went on it, he has just burned a paul mckenna i can make you thin cd onto it so i wanted to listen to it and see what its like. Anyway, while i'm there i notice hes got a million tabs open, i look through them out of noseyness as to why he spends so much time on his computer, guess what i see, yep you've guessed it, he's playing the game. I couldn't believe it, you could've knocked me over with a feather. I look on all his stats and am utterly gobsmacked to see he has progressed about 30 combat leves since he "stopped playing" which obviously means hes been playing it !!!! LOADS as it gets harder and harder to progress a combat level the higher up you get, he is level 130 something which is almost the very best you can be so you get the idea, i'd say it must take at least a few weeks of serious playing to go up one nevermind 30, so i start to ask him about it.
Then comes the revelation hes secretly been taking money out the bank, going to wh smith and buying a top up for it so he can play members!!!!!!!!! now this is VERY sneaky, as you can top up with card or paypal or even your phone, to top up with cash shows me exactly how sneaky he was being as that i'd never see. He admits he's bought a 1 month top up (£5 a month!) about 6 times and a 3 month top up about 3 times!!!!!!!!!!! So that adds up to at least 15 months of playing.
He then tells me he's actually been playing it on off for years, he played it in our last house when we first moved in together (have lived in this house 2 years 3 months) and then hes been playing it on off since. He tells me he plays it when hes really stressed about life as its an escapism, SO hes been playing it alot especially since his parents were last over feb or march i think as hes been so stressed about the situation. (inlaws another story)
Now OH spends about 4 hours most nights on his computer and sometimes quite a few hours in the day as well when he gets back from work. I have been so unhappy about this as i am literally bored out my skull sitting on the sofa, he doesn't talk to me at all all night as he's too engrossed in his computer and now i know exactly why. There has been many a time i have gone in the kitchen (which is attached to the living room) and means i can see his screen and have felt like he clicks as soon as i stand up and then as soon as i sit down so ive felt he has been hiding something. he has now admitted he has changed the screen so i cannot see what he is doing. Again. very sneaky.
He then tells me he deletes it off his history every night so i cannot see he has been playing it. I do not ever look on his computer as i have my own but how sneaky is that encase i look? i'm quite literally gobsmacked as to the extent of the lies and deciet over basically my whole relationship.
I don't know if i can get past this, to me it feels like an affair of some kind, he has been lying to me for years, being extremely sneaky and going behind my back. His excuse is he didn't think about how much of a betrayal it has been, he didn't think about it in the way that he was actually lying to me for all this time. He says he doesn't want to lose us although he is silent and doesn't actually have much to say on the situation, i think if it was me i'd be hysterical and be telling him how sorry i was etc. I just simply can't get my head around he has been lying to me for YEARS.
Now this is not the first time he has lied to me. When we first got together and got serious he said he had told his parents about me etc and this went on for about 4 months. And he hadn't told them about me, He even went so far as to say he was making phone calls to his mum when i said he should tell them we were moving in togther, he pretended to go and phone his mum! he eventually sent me an email confessing this and then did tell his parents
About a month ago i found a letter and 2 cheques in his work bag from his parents, one cheque was over 6 months old and the other was a month old and apparently money to buy DS a easter present, I confronted him about these and he said he was trying to protect my feeling as he thought if i saw them it would just start me off on another rant about them, And the older cheque he didn't want to take thier money so its been in there ever since.
I feel like he is a compulsive liar, my pet hate is liars, i cannot tolerate them, it is the one thing in this world i hate beyond anything else, i have stopped talking to so many people in the past because i have caught them lying to me, but noone has ever lied to me this much on such a grand scale, i don't know what to do, he is the father of my child and i love him dearly, i had no doubts in my head about marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him but now i think how can i ever trust him?
He has promised me he will never play the game again or lie to me again but how can i trust him? I feel heartbroken, my whole world has been turned upside down. I love him so much and we have DS together but i cannot stay with him if this is what he is like. I don't know what to do.
Please give me some advice. my head is screwed, i can't help but feel i can't see the picture clearly as i want to be with him and have the happy ending. the thought of us splitting up and me being a single parent and DS not having his dad devestates me, the only thing i have ever wanted in life is to be married for life and have children, and my children to be full brothers and sisters as this is what i never had, my mum and dad got divorced 3 months before i was born and i have 2 half siblings on different sides. ive always wanted a full brother or sister
Help, I'm a mess
OH and I met on a game. Its a real player game and mostly teenagers that play it but theres obviously quite a few adults too. Anyway, i was never really that interested in playing the game, i'd spend along time playing it but i was talking to people the whole time, not actually playing IYSWIM, anyway, once i met OH i played it less and less and so did he. I stopped playing it after a couple of months and so did OH, I can't remember why he did exactly i think i moaned about him spending too much time on it or something. (he is beyond obsessed and was playing until 5am!)
Then yesterday, i was in the bedroom with a headache. when i came through the livingroom and OH's computer was on but he was sitting on the floor with DS, i picked up his computer and went on it, he has just burned a paul mckenna i can make you thin cd onto it so i wanted to listen to it and see what its like. Anyway, while i'm there i notice hes got a million tabs open, i look through them out of noseyness as to why he spends so much time on his computer, guess what i see, yep you've guessed it, he's playing the game. I couldn't believe it, you could've knocked me over with a feather. I look on all his stats and am utterly gobsmacked to see he has progressed about 30 combat leves since he "stopped playing" which obviously means hes been playing it !!!! LOADS as it gets harder and harder to progress a combat level the higher up you get, he is level 130 something which is almost the very best you can be so you get the idea, i'd say it must take at least a few weeks of serious playing to go up one nevermind 30, so i start to ask him about it.
Then comes the revelation hes secretly been taking money out the bank, going to wh smith and buying a top up for it so he can play members!!!!!!!!! now this is VERY sneaky, as you can top up with card or paypal or even your phone, to top up with cash shows me exactly how sneaky he was being as that i'd never see. He admits he's bought a 1 month top up (£5 a month!) about 6 times and a 3 month top up about 3 times!!!!!!!!!!! So that adds up to at least 15 months of playing.
He then tells me he's actually been playing it on off for years, he played it in our last house when we first moved in together (have lived in this house 2 years 3 months) and then hes been playing it on off since. He tells me he plays it when hes really stressed about life as its an escapism, SO hes been playing it alot especially since his parents were last over feb or march i think as hes been so stressed about the situation. (inlaws another story)
Now OH spends about 4 hours most nights on his computer and sometimes quite a few hours in the day as well when he gets back from work. I have been so unhappy about this as i am literally bored out my skull sitting on the sofa, he doesn't talk to me at all all night as he's too engrossed in his computer and now i know exactly why. There has been many a time i have gone in the kitchen (which is attached to the living room) and means i can see his screen and have felt like he clicks as soon as i stand up and then as soon as i sit down so ive felt he has been hiding something. he has now admitted he has changed the screen so i cannot see what he is doing. Again. very sneaky.
He then tells me he deletes it off his history every night so i cannot see he has been playing it. I do not ever look on his computer as i have my own but how sneaky is that encase i look? i'm quite literally gobsmacked as to the extent of the lies and deciet over basically my whole relationship.
I don't know if i can get past this, to me it feels like an affair of some kind, he has been lying to me for years, being extremely sneaky and going behind my back. His excuse is he didn't think about how much of a betrayal it has been, he didn't think about it in the way that he was actually lying to me for all this time. He says he doesn't want to lose us although he is silent and doesn't actually have much to say on the situation, i think if it was me i'd be hysterical and be telling him how sorry i was etc. I just simply can't get my head around he has been lying to me for YEARS.
Now this is not the first time he has lied to me. When we first got together and got serious he said he had told his parents about me etc and this went on for about 4 months. And he hadn't told them about me, He even went so far as to say he was making phone calls to his mum when i said he should tell them we were moving in togther, he pretended to go and phone his mum! he eventually sent me an email confessing this and then did tell his parents
About a month ago i found a letter and 2 cheques in his work bag from his parents, one cheque was over 6 months old and the other was a month old and apparently money to buy DS a easter present, I confronted him about these and he said he was trying to protect my feeling as he thought if i saw them it would just start me off on another rant about them, And the older cheque he didn't want to take thier money so its been in there ever since.
I feel like he is a compulsive liar, my pet hate is liars, i cannot tolerate them, it is the one thing in this world i hate beyond anything else, i have stopped talking to so many people in the past because i have caught them lying to me, but noone has ever lied to me this much on such a grand scale, i don't know what to do, he is the father of my child and i love him dearly, i had no doubts in my head about marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him but now i think how can i ever trust him?
He has promised me he will never play the game again or lie to me again but how can i trust him? I feel heartbroken, my whole world has been turned upside down. I love him so much and we have DS together but i cannot stay with him if this is what he is like. I don't know what to do.
Please give me some advice. my head is screwed, i can't help but feel i can't see the picture clearly as i want to be with him and have the happy ending. the thought of us splitting up and me being a single parent and DS not having his dad devestates me, the only thing i have ever wanted in life is to be married for life and have children, and my children to be full brothers and sisters as this is what i never had, my mum and dad got divorced 3 months before i was born and i have 2 half siblings on different sides. ive always wanted a full brother or sister
Help, I'm a mess
0
Comments
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i_hate_liars wrote: »Hello, another regular posting under a new name for fear of those who know me judging me
OH and I met on a game. Its a real player game and mostly teenagers that play it but theres obviously quite a few adults too. Anyway, i was never really that interested in playing the game, i'd spend along time playing it but i was talking to people the whole time, not actually playing IYSWIM, anyway, once i met OH i played it less and less and so did he. I stopped playing it after a couple of months and so did OH, I can't remember why he did exactly i think i moaned about him spending too much time on it or something. (he is beyond obsessed and was playing until 5am!)
Then yesterday, i was in the bedroom with a headache. when i came through the livingroom and OH's computer was on but he was sitting on the floor with DS, i picked up his computer and went on it, he has just burned a paul mckenna i can make you thin cd onto it so i wanted to listen to it and see what its like. Anyway, while i'm there i notice hes got a million tabs open, i look through them out of noseyness as to why he spends so much time on his computer, guess what i see, yep you've guessed it, he's playing the game. I couldn't believe it, you could've knocked me over with a feather. I look on all his stats and am utterly gobsmacked to see he has progressed about 30 combat leves since he "stopped playing" which obviously means hes been playing it !!!! LOADS as it gets harder and harder to progress a combat level the higher up you get, he is level 130 something which is almost the very best you can be so you get the idea, i'd say it must take at least a few weeks of serious playing to go up one nevermind 30, so i start to ask him about it.
Then comes the revelation hes secretly been taking money out the bank, going to wh smith and buying a top up for it so he can play members!!!!!!!!! now this is VERY sneaky, as you can top up with card or paypal or even your phone, to top up with cash shows me exactly how sneaky he was being as that i'd never see. He admits he's bought a 1 month top up (£5 a month!) about 6 times and a 3 month top up about 3 times!!!!!!!!!!! So that adds up to at least 15 months of playing.
He then tells me he's actually been playing it on off for years, he played it in our last house when we first moved in together (have lived in this house 2 years 3 months) and then hes been playing it on off since. He tells me he plays it when hes really stressed about life as its an escapism, SO hes been playing it alot especially since his parents were last over feb or march i think as hes been so stressed about the situation. (inlaws another story)
Now OH spends about 4 hours most nights on his computer and sometimes quite a few hours in the day as well when he gets back from work. I have been so unhappy about this as i am literally bored out my skull sitting on the sofa, he doesn't talk to me at all all night as he's too engrossed in his computer and now i know exactly why. There has been many a time i have gone in the kitchen (which is attached to the living room) and means i can see his screen and have felt like he clicks as soon as i stand up and then as soon as i sit down so ive felt he has been hiding something. he has now admitted he has changed the screen so i cannot see what he is doing. Again. very sneaky.
He then tells me he deletes it off his history every night so i cannot see he has been playing it. I do not ever look on his computer as i have my own but how sneaky is that encase i look? i'm quite literally gobsmacked as to the extent of the lies and deciet over basically my whole relationship.
I don't know if i can get past this, to me it feels like an affair of some kind, he has been lying to me for years, being extremely sneaky and going behind my back. His excuse is he didn't think about how much of a betrayal it has been, he didn't think about it in the way that he was actually lying to me for all this time. He says he doesn't want to lose us although he is silent and doesn't actually have much to say on the situation, i think if it was me i'd be hysterical and be telling him how sorry i was etc. I just simply can't get my head around he has been lying to me for YEARS.
Now this is not the first time he has lied to me. When we first got together and got serious he said he had told his parents about me etc and this went on for about 4 months. And he hadn't told them about me, He even went so far as to say he was making phone calls to his mum when i said he should tell them we were moving in togther, he pretended to go and phone his mum! he eventually sent me an email confessing this and then did tell his parents
About a month ago i found a letter and 2 cheques in his work bag from his parents, one cheque was over 6 months old and the other was a month old and apparently money to buy DS a easter present, I confronted him about these and he said he was trying to protect my feeling as he thought if i saw them it would just start me off on another rant about them, And the older cheque he didn't want to take thier money so its been in there ever since.
I feel like he is a compulsive liar, my pet hate is liars, i cannot tolerate them, it is the one thing in this world i hate beyond anything else, i have stopped talking to so many people in the past because i have caught them lying to me, but noone has ever lied to me this much on such a grand scale, i don't know what to do, he is the father of my child and i love him dearly, i had no doubts in my head about marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him but now i think how can i ever trust him?
He has promised me he will never play the game again or lie to me again but how can i trust him? I feel heartbroken, my whole world has been turned upside down. I love him so much and we have DS together but i cannot stay with him if this is what he is like. I don't know what to do.
Please give me some advice. my head is screwed, i can't help but feel i can't see the picture clearly as i want to be with him and have the happy ending. the thought of us splitting up and me being a single parent and DS not having his dad devestates me, the only thing i have ever wanted in life is to be married for life and have children, and my children to be full brothers and sisters as this is what i never had, my mum and dad got divorced 3 months before i was born and i have 2 half siblings on different sides. ive always wanted a full brother or sister
Help, I'm a mess
Is it money from a joint bank account?
You met on the game - its a bit hypercritical to say he cant go on there?
Is it the game that annoys you, or the time he spends on the game?
I think if I had someone checking my laptop to see what i was doing i'd wipe the history too. You say you dont do this - but then in another paragraph say you have....
Parent's - It's really up to him what he tells his parents, He might not have a good relationship with them, or he might be very private - He did tell them, just not when you wanted him to
The cheques - Why would you of kicked off if his parents wanted to buy your son something - or have i read that wrong?
I'm completely ignoring that last paragraph because I think its ridiculous. Full siblings or not it shouldnt matter. You cant stay with someone for that reason.
Personally - I'd rather OH played a game than went out spending money on beer every night0 -
I think you need to get a hobby of your own.
Me and OH play wow, he is sat beside me now in the game whilst i am on here.
I can see where your other half is coming from it is escapism, but yes shame your OH had to lie to you, i can see why.....
What is it you want him to do with his spare time.....(selfish?)
yes so he was sneaky but look at the way you reacted, you knew he was a gamer when you joined up with him, why force him to stop being one, he stopped because you stopped and possibly nagged him.
Leave him be and let him play freely.... he won't play so much when it is out in the open.
£5 per month... could be £50 a week to go to the pub, or taking all the money to gamble0 -
I think alarms bells should have been ringing for you when you found out he hadn't told his parents about you. Why hadn't he? That was the first time he lied to you. Why couldn't he be honest with you then?
The cheques? Why did he hide them if they were for your son? Why would you be offended/ upset? What is your relationship with his parents like?
Playing computer games is addictive - even silly little games like the farming games on FB. I think he has a full on addiction and like most addicts has lied to you. Can you trust him not to lie again? Well, can you trust an addict not to lie again?
I feel the same as you about liars. Can't stand them and once someone has lied to me, I never trust them again, but do you want to have this attitude with your OH? Could you live with someone knowing that he is a compulsive liar? Take some time before reaching a decision, because right now your world - your life as you knew it - has crumbled around you, and you are understandably very emotional.
Lastly, apart from the time that he spends not being available for you and your son, and the money he has spent, do you have other reasons for him not playing the game?LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
"The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints0 -
Is it just me that cannot believe how totally over the top your reaction is to someone playing an online game. I almost lost the will to live but did get to the end of your post. From what I could work out he hasn't spent an awful amount of money on it, just alot of time.
To be frank I think the issue here is why he cant be upfront about things with you. Having read your post I can kind of see why he hasn't been!!!
Not the response you want no doubt. Will now sit back and wait to get my head ripped off :cool:0 -
Sounds like he's addicted and you've colluded by accepting him spending hours on a computer every evening and not wondering what he was doing and asking him outright.
Sit down with him and make him agree to seek help, or you will throw the bloody computers in the bin. Nobody will die!.................
....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)0 -
Club Penguin has alot to answer for, hasn't it? :mad:If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0
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As for lying tell him to stop its what children do, if he wants to carry on playing the game (it sounds as tho he does/ will) then deal with it
if he loves the game that much, and you love him as much as you say you do, you should compromise and say something along the lines of.... while i watch 1 hour of telly at night you can play the game Then we do something together, then you can have a bit of time to chat or what ever couples do once the kids are in bed
Me and my partner dont really do anything but play on the playstation or pc/ laptop after work and our DD is in bed because we are both geeky gamers so maybe i`m not the best person to comment0 -
make_me_wise wrote: »Is it just me that cannot believe how totally over the top your reaction is to someone playing an online game. I almost lost the will to live but did get to the end of your post. From what I could work out he hasn't spent an awful amount of money on it, just alot of time.
To be frank I think the issue here is why he cant be upfront about things with you. Having read your post I can kind of see why he hasn't been!!!
Not the response you want no doubt. Will now sit back and wait to get my head ripped off :cool:
It's interesting make me wise because you and I quite often agree on posts. I started to read the OP and was thinking the same as you, but then I got the feeling that she is really more bothered about the lies and the amount of time he spends on the games.
She says he spends hours on the computer not talking to her. This is very much my dd's behaviour: she can spend hours sitting next to me on her iphone, not talking at all, engrossed in whatever.
I accept it from my dd but if my partner was like that every single night and then I had the feeling he was hiding what he was doing every time I might get a glimpse of the screen I would quite bothered too.
I also think there is a lot we don't know about this relationship and perhaps this is the tip of the iceberg. I get the distinct impression that the OP's OH is the type of guy to just say yes to keep the peace, do what he wants and then when found out deal (or maybe not) with the fallout.LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
"The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints0 -
Banning him from an addiction was a mistake. You should have talked to him & agreed a reasonable amount for him to play.
He obviously gets a lot of pleasure or escapism from the game & playing for an hour or so is reasonable.
When he is forced to hide it it becomes more exciting in case he is caught.
Why have you never asked what he is doing online & told him you feel neglected?Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
Am i the only one missing this - OP says he USED to be on there until 5am, Now she states its just in the evening - so he HAS cut down on game time. I dont think its an addiction, I thinks its a way out of life for a few hours where he doesnt have to think about anything (Ok, other than the game!)and tbh how many of us thought of nipping on MSE for 10 minutes but then realised half hour later we had been on longer than we thought?
OP posts also says he was with the child playing on the floor whilst computer was on, so its not as if he is completely ignoring the family
(P.S - I hate computer games with a passion, Not a fellow gamer but I think your over reacting)0
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