bit disappointed

misskaytee

I think most of us agree that the actual cost of the ring isnt that important when your both in love

Im wondering what else he bought while you were sorting out the ring at the jewellery counter, considering he had so little money to spend? :cool:

Cancel the order for the ring, and if you do really want to marry this man tell him you'd like him to suprise you with another ring, at least then you'd not know what it cost!

Snuggles

I agree with many other posters that the ring shouldn't really matter that much.

When me and OH got engaged, I didn't want him to spend loads of money on a ring. If I had wanted something which I knew he couldn't afford, I would have offered to pay something towards it. I don't see why a man should be expected to scrimp and save and make sacrifices just to pay for an expensive ring - why can't the woman contribute?

Pollycat

Snuggles wrote: »

I agree with many other posters that the ring shouldn't really matter that much.

When me and OH got engaged, I didn't want him to spend loads of money on a ring. If I had wanted something which I knew he couldn't afford, I would have offered to pay something towards it. I don't see why a man should be expected to scrimp and save and make sacrifices just to pay for an expensive ring - why can't the woman contribute?

I don't think this man was scrimping and saving and making sacrifices - he was too busy spending money in the pub and buying gadgets in Argos.

donnap83

USM wrote: »

I think you're quite right to feel cheated here, this is the worst proposal in the history of man - this guy is giving us a bad name.

When I proposed to my girlfriend earlier this year, I had saved hard for 8 months to afford the ring I knew she would want and had to put my own desire to buy 'man crap' on hold for that time.

I then waited until the perfect time on our holiday to pop the question. It's a story she'll tell for years to come with the same enthusiasm as the day it happened.

If he wanted to do it properly, he'd save, he'd wait - but like someone else mentioned, this is just a kneejerk kiss and make up gesture.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Man crap! Hahaha!

But kudos to you for putting your fiancee first! Well done!:o

Snuggles

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think this man was scrimping and saving and making sacrifices - he was too busy spending money in the pub and buying gadgets in Argos.

To be fair though, we don't actually know what he bought in Argos or how much he spends in the pub. And I think the OP herself suggested he could make sacrifices to save up for a better ring.

From what the OP has said, I'm afraid the engagement sounds like a bad idea, but in general I do think that if a woman wants an expensive ring there's no reason why she shouldn't contribute to it, marriage is all about partnership after all!

mazinmouse

"... and he told me to go over to jewellery counter and ask lady to see it whilst he paid and collected for some other stuff that he brought."

What was this other stuff he bought, and did he order it while he wasn't standing next to you showing even the slightest bit of interest.

Sounds like the ring is to fob you off, shut you up and keep you happy. I don't think the cost of the ring is important but the cirumstances surrounding any discussion or purchase give you all the clues you need.

If you felt this felt 'right' you'd not be posting on here. As a previous poster has said some men are not romantic but you have to look at the whole picture and decide for yourself whether this incident reflects how he treats you at all other times.

Also remember, for future reference, that it is not the cost of the ring or having ring to show off or a ring that cost 'x' amount that matters.. it is the relationship that matters. The ring should be symbolic not a display of ability to pay or of your worth.

In this instance, the circumstances as described by you, do not sound like a love match on his part. I suspect you are having doubts about how much he loves you and were looking to see how prepared he might be to spend on the ring or even save for it.

If he had surprised you with a CZ ring bought from Argos for this amount would you have been happy?

Pollycat

Snuggles wrote: »

To be fair though, we don't actually know what he bought in Argos or how much he spends in the pub. And I think the OP herself suggested he could make sacrifices to save up for a better ring.

Yes, but she says he can easily spend £40 on a night out.

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

I kind of feel like he has spent less than £40 on what should be a very special ring for me when he can quite easily blow that on a night out when he goes out with his friends.

And why didn't he forgo whatever he spent in Argos and put it towards the ring?
Or pay his brother back?
Or pay more maintenance to his kids?

Having read the OP's other threads, I'd be running faster than Usain Bolt away from him.

balletshoes

I don't have a romantic husband, and I don't have an engagement ring, just a wedding band, which I love and which I chose (and it probably cost about the same as your engagement ring OP).

I don't think your concerns are in any way about the ring and how much it cost (I'm another one who believes its not the cost, or what it looks like to others, that counts, its a token of your commitment and love to each other). Your concerns, to me, appear to be (rightly) about the knee-jerk proposal after an argument, then the casual slapdash manner of getting you the ring. If you are unhappy and disappointed with this, and you don't like the ring you've chosen, you need to tell your OH.
Don't get stuck with a ring you don't like - take some time and choose an alternative you do like. It doesn't have to cost more (and if you do want it to cost more, I don't think theres anything wrong in you putting the extra towards it). Just tell your OH you have changed your mind about the ring, you don't like it anymore, and you've cancelled the order.
You know your OH best - is it likely he would have got down on bended knee with a little ring box in his hand to propose to you? Real life is rarely like the movies/our dreams. If you are really sure you want to be married to him, the proposal as such, if it were done in his normal manner, shouldn't put you off. But I wouldn't be happy to have a ring I don't really like pushed onto me just because your OH wanted you to pick one that day or nothing.

Did you just go along with this because you usually do go along with whatever your OH suggests? If you did, I think you need to grow a bit of a backbone and start discussing what you want and what you prefer in your relationship.

sashadesade

Wow, sounds like he may as well have just given you some money and sent you off on your own to buy a ring for all the interest he showed.
Are you sure that getting engaged on a whim after a big argument was really a good idea? Because it sounds pretty silly to me I have to say. I think you're more disappointed in the way he's acted than the ring itself, right?

emsywoo123

Isn't he still married?