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bit disappointed
bewilderedhelpneeded
Posts: 200 Forumite
Im after some advice.
I have been with my partner nearly 3 years. we had a falling out on Friday, we both said things by text to each other that we shouldn't have. He came round to my house on saturday morning and we talked and managed to sort it out. My partner then said that he felt like doing something radical, and said that he thought that we should get engaged. I love him to bits, so I said yes, that was a great idea.
He then suggested that we go out and chose a ring, which is where the problem lies! He does not have an awful lot of money at the moment, and I would have been quite happy for him to wait until he had saved up. But he was adament that we were going to go there and then to chose a ring. we went to a shopping centre. On the way there he said that it couldn't be an expensive ring as he didn't have a lot of money. i again said id be quite happy to wait until he had saved up. He said no, we would be getting one today and said that he couldn't spend more than £100, less than this would be better. I knew straight away that we would struggle! Anyway, we went and looked in the jewellery shop window and he asked me if there was anything there that I liked. Lots that I liked (I had something simple in my head white gold with single diamond) but totally out of budget! I felt really embarrassed and looked at the cheaper rings but there was nothing less than £100 that I even remotely liked. So i suggested that we went to Argos. I looked through the jewellery section of the catalogue whilst he stood next to me looking at electronic stuff in another catalogue. Only thing i could find that I liked that was within budget was white gold ring with CZ stone for 39.99. I pointed it out to him and he told me to go over to jewellery counter and ask lady to see it whilst he paid and collected for some other stuff that he brought. He was ages, so by time he had come over to jewellery counter I had already been shown ring and lady was checking if they did it in my size. He looked over my shoulder and said "will that do then?" so i nodded and said yes. he siad he felt a bit of a cheapskate but I said no one would know it wasn't a real diamond. anyway, ring in my size will take 2 weeks to be delivered to store so they will text me when its in so i can collect it.
when I got back home I text my friend to tell her my partner had asked me to get engaged and we had been out looking at rings. she text me back to ask what I had chosen, saying hers was platinum with half carat solitaire. I just replied that mine was white gold and think the stone was about the same size as hers (not mentioning it was CZ) I felt really flat afterwards, not buzzing like I expected to be. I do feel disappointed in how unromantic the whole thing seemed and to be honest I feel a bit cheap. he goes out an awful lot to the pub and if only he would stay in for a bit or make other sacrifices to save up I could have chosen one from the jewellery shop that would have cost £250 or less. I kind of feel like he has spent less than £40 on what should be a very special ring for me when he can quite easily blow that on a night out when he goes out with his friends. If he had made some sacrifices ie staying in he could have saved up and the ring would have meant so much more to me.
Do you think im being unreasonable and selfish? To be honest the ring ive chosen from argos isn't that great but it will do only im a bit concerned about how long it will last once i get it as the quality isn't brilliant. its not how I imagined getting engaged at all, I imagined someone going down on bended knee an asking to marry me (possibly with joke ring) and then us going together at later date to chose proper engagement ring with money that he had been saving up for a while and making it a special occasion rather than just looking in one shop window, realising there was nothing suitable there for less than £100 then popping to argos to chose one from catalogue that isn't brilliant but is sort of the look I wanted and cheap but rubbish quality!! He did pass me the half price jewellery flyer and there was a white gold cluster in there for £65 but that really wasn't what I had in mind at all and would have looked wrong on my tiny fingers.
I have been with my partner nearly 3 years. we had a falling out on Friday, we both said things by text to each other that we shouldn't have. He came round to my house on saturday morning and we talked and managed to sort it out. My partner then said that he felt like doing something radical, and said that he thought that we should get engaged. I love him to bits, so I said yes, that was a great idea.
He then suggested that we go out and chose a ring, which is where the problem lies! He does not have an awful lot of money at the moment, and I would have been quite happy for him to wait until he had saved up. But he was adament that we were going to go there and then to chose a ring. we went to a shopping centre. On the way there he said that it couldn't be an expensive ring as he didn't have a lot of money. i again said id be quite happy to wait until he had saved up. He said no, we would be getting one today and said that he couldn't spend more than £100, less than this would be better. I knew straight away that we would struggle! Anyway, we went and looked in the jewellery shop window and he asked me if there was anything there that I liked. Lots that I liked (I had something simple in my head white gold with single diamond) but totally out of budget! I felt really embarrassed and looked at the cheaper rings but there was nothing less than £100 that I even remotely liked. So i suggested that we went to Argos. I looked through the jewellery section of the catalogue whilst he stood next to me looking at electronic stuff in another catalogue. Only thing i could find that I liked that was within budget was white gold ring with CZ stone for 39.99. I pointed it out to him and he told me to go over to jewellery counter and ask lady to see it whilst he paid and collected for some other stuff that he brought. He was ages, so by time he had come over to jewellery counter I had already been shown ring and lady was checking if they did it in my size. He looked over my shoulder and said "will that do then?" so i nodded and said yes. he siad he felt a bit of a cheapskate but I said no one would know it wasn't a real diamond. anyway, ring in my size will take 2 weeks to be delivered to store so they will text me when its in so i can collect it.
when I got back home I text my friend to tell her my partner had asked me to get engaged and we had been out looking at rings. she text me back to ask what I had chosen, saying hers was platinum with half carat solitaire. I just replied that mine was white gold and think the stone was about the same size as hers (not mentioning it was CZ) I felt really flat afterwards, not buzzing like I expected to be. I do feel disappointed in how unromantic the whole thing seemed and to be honest I feel a bit cheap. he goes out an awful lot to the pub and if only he would stay in for a bit or make other sacrifices to save up I could have chosen one from the jewellery shop that would have cost £250 or less. I kind of feel like he has spent less than £40 on what should be a very special ring for me when he can quite easily blow that on a night out when he goes out with his friends. If he had made some sacrifices ie staying in he could have saved up and the ring would have meant so much more to me.
Do you think im being unreasonable and selfish? To be honest the ring ive chosen from argos isn't that great but it will do only im a bit concerned about how long it will last once i get it as the quality isn't brilliant. its not how I imagined getting engaged at all, I imagined someone going down on bended knee an asking to marry me (possibly with joke ring) and then us going together at later date to chose proper engagement ring with money that he had been saving up for a while and making it a special occasion rather than just looking in one shop window, realising there was nothing suitable there for less than £100 then popping to argos to chose one from catalogue that isn't brilliant but is sort of the look I wanted and cheap but rubbish quality!! He did pass me the half price jewellery flyer and there was a white gold cluster in there for £65 but that really wasn't what I had in mind at all and would have looked wrong on my tiny fingers.
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Comments
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Do you really want to marry him? I wouldn't!0
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If it was true love, surely price would be immaterial. After all its a token of your love for each other and whether it be £40 or £400, the amount should not reflect how much he loves you. Does not sound like love to me.I'm not a "SINGLE" mum, I'm a "DOUBLE" mum!:D0
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I'm trying to find a nice way of saying this, but it seems to me that this engagment is a bit of a 'kiss and make up' engagement. It doesn't sound as if your partner had been planning to ask you, so perhaps that's why he wasn't as fussed as you about a ring? What I'm trying to say is that he didn't have that much time to save up for the sort of ring you may have wanted between falling out with you on Friday night and proposing on Saturday morning.
From my own point of view, if I was marrying the person I truly loved with all my heart I wouldn't really give a hoot what sort of engagement ring I was given. Do you want the engagement/ring/wedding planning excitement, or the lifetimeof marriage together with all the inevitable ups and downs that it will bring?
When my OH and I have discussed marriage, we've never discussed what sort of ring I would have/ want, or even if I would get/wear one! We discussed the life we will have together, the home we will make together and the children we will raise together. Wouldn't matter to me if he proposed with a ring pull from a can (although might be a bit dangerous to wear lol!)
I'm not criticizing you for wanting the dream proposal etc, but at the end of the day if you love your OH and he loves you, and you want to be together for the rest of your lives and work damn hard to make each other happy, then it honestly doesn't matter what sort of ring you wear.Don't suffer alone - if you are experiencing Domestic Abuse contact the National Domestic Abuse Helplines
England 0808 2000 247 Wales 0808 80 10 800 Scotland 0800 027 1234 Northern Ireland 0800 917 1414 Republic of Ireland 1800 341 900. Free and totally confidential.0 -
bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »Im after some advice.
I have been with my partner nearly 3 years. we had a falling out on Friday, we both said things by text to each other that we shouldn't have. He came round to my house on saturday morning and we talked and managed to sort it out. My partner then said that he felt like doing something radical, and said that he thought that we should get engaged. I love him to bits, so I said yes, that was a great idea.
.
This is wrong on so many levels.0 -
WOW
My engagement ring was a sweet, ya know the ring ones? Then my real one came at a surprise, it is a yellow gold ring with a single diamond in. It's beautiful and also engraved.
I think your to picky. You should not give a flying hoots what other people think.0 -
My first engagement ring came from Argos (Sapphire and teeny diamonds). We didn't have much money, but it didn't matter, it was what it meant to us that mattered. I have to admit he replaced it with a proper bling full carat one, but that was after 10 years together and my old one got mangled when I got my hand caught
OP, I don't think you are totally unreasonable in what you are saying - the carat of the diamond isn't really the issue here.....you feel as though he hasn't put in the effort and you're right, he hasn't because he hasn't really proposed for the right reasons has he?
As an aside...how much did he spend on the electronic stuff he bought at the same time?Cross Stitch Cafe member No. 32012 170-194 2013 195-207.Hello Kitty ballerina 208.AVA 209.OLIVIA 210.ELLA 211.CARLA 212.LOUISE 213.CHARLEY 214.Mother & Child 215.Stop Faffing Completed 2014 216.Stitchers Sampler. 217.Let Them Be Small 218.Keep Calm 219. Ups and downs 220. Annniversary piece 221. 2x Teachers gifts 222. Peacock 223. Tooth Fairy 224. Beth Birth pic 225. Circe the Sorceress Cards x 240 -
My engagement ring made my heart sing and it wasn't that expensive xI must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.0 -
my engagment ring and wedding ring came from argos and cost around £100 for both of them...tbh i think its the whole loving each other to be married forever thats most important not how much a ring cost
sounds like you are going to be disapointed when it comes to planning the wedding then to meHave a Bsc Hons open degree from the Open University 2015 :j:D:eek::T0 -
The CZ ring will last. Sadly I don't think the engagement will.
A proposal is not the solution to anything. Your fiancee is insecure and scared of losing you. That and his mean behaviour tells me that you could do a lot better.Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy
...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!0 -
My ring came from next and was £9.99! It was silver plated with cz. It was only supposed to be a filler ring until I chose one I wanted but I just couldn't get my head round paying a fortune for a ring so kept the cheap one on for 3 years (until we got married' now just wear the wedding band). No one knew it was fake unless I told them which I did quite often as I was proud it was so cheap!
Happy engagement! X0
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