bit disappointed

Sambucus_Nigra

You now this is wrong - and it's not the ring that's the issue.

Problem is, what are you going to do about it?

gingin_2

You say you love him to bits but then go on to mention not one other positive thing about him. This is supposed to be one of the most exciting times in your life - grudgingly going to Argos and choosing your ring whilst he's flicking through the catalogue doesn't exactly sound it.

And you don't live together? I think you definitely need to try before you buy - and I don't mean the ring.

Rebecca01

I agree with others . If he had turned up Saturday morning with flowers and a cz ring , got down on one knee and made you breakfast in bed. Would you have cared how much it would cost , or would you be so happy at the whole experience , you wouldn't have cared?

I also think issue is the way he proposed , so you maybe feel cheated. He didn't plan it, it was a make up engagement. So it didn't seem as romantic. If he had ask yourself would the cost bother you?

I can see your point about him wasting money at the pub and not saving though.

Jesswithwings

We got engaged when we were 18 and very poor - my engagement ring was from Argos and cost £90. It wasnt the style I would have chosen at all but its what DH went and chose for me. Its still going strong 12 years later and I wear it most days (cant wear it all the time for work) When I gave birth to our first child he took me out and I chose a lovely eternity ring which cost a LOT more.

I think the issues run deeper here, do you think he prioritises you? Our early marriage years (actually, until fairly recently) has been a battle with DH spending a lot of money on stuff we dont need and, in the earlier days, going out with his friends 4 times a week :eek: ooo we've had a LOT of stern words and he doesnt do that now, but there were a lot of tears along the way. If there are issues I urge you to sort them out now, before a marriage or a wedding is planned because the longer you leave things, the harder it is to sort out. Good luck to you, if you're really dissatisfied with the ring perhaps he could replace it for a significant wedding anniversary? But my suspicion is that you are dissatisfied with something in the relationship which is reflecting onto the ring.

Good Luck and congratulations x

Lotus-eater

I think you're more worried about how bad he is with money and his priorities being all wrong, I think that's the real problem. Do you see him as a long term prospect? He doesn't sound very committed does he? At least I feigned that I was interested when we picked an engagement ring.

And of course you're getting engaged for all the wrong reasons.

catkins

Well I never had an engagement ring because we could not afford one and it never bothered me in the slightest. OH proposed (not very romantically!) after a month and we got married 4 months later. We did not live together first.

We had hardly any money but wanted to get married because we were very much in love (31 years later we still are!). Our wedding rings were white gold but pretty cheap and the whole wedding cost very little - a lot of people helped i.e. an aunt made the cake, we and our respective mums made all the food also we used OH's car which was only an old banger. Oh and we didn't have a honeymoon either although as we had not lived together before it was like a honeymoon just being together.

I have no regrets about it because it was a very special day. OH's mum was horrified it was all done so cheap and particularly horrified I did not have an engagement ring. She kept on about it for a couple of years - "what will people think" etc and then she and FIL actually went and bought me one! Needless to say I never wore it.

To me if you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them material things like rings, big flashy wedding cars etc are not the slightest bit important

SingleSue

The cost of my engagement ring didn't matter to me (£52 in the days before we had an Argos, so only expensive jewellery shops available), it was the love we had for each other, we went one better on our wedding rings...got the both of them for £40 from Argos!

Hubby did have to replace my engagement ring many years later (approx 15 or 16 years), after I got it caught on a toilet seat.....with another ring which cost less than £50, didn't bother me in the slightest that it was a cheap ring, it was what it symbolised.

I really cannot see the point of an expensive ring, you either spend the time worrying about losing it or damaging it, especially when children come about...to my mind, just an expensive waste.

Zoetoes

I think some of you are being a bit harsh! I think OP is upset at his blatant lack of effort!

Even if he'd have got the same ring but gone about it with a bit of romance it wouldn't be so bad but to let her get it herself and told to pick as cheaply as she could while he spent some money on gadgets, doesn't sound like he gives a toss at all. No consideration for her feelings and I know I would be upset too.

Ok it's not about the money, but there's no reason why he couldn't have made it a bit special and even sacrificed a few nights out and electronic gadgets to put a bit more money to it, after all it's only once in his life he should be doing it, so what's £250 for a lifetime together?

OP, I would tell him you've had a little think about it and decided it's not the right time.

Zoetoes

catkins wrote: »

Well I never had an engagement ring because we could not afford one and it never bothered me in the slightest. OH proposed (not very romantically!) after a month and we got married 4 months later. We did not live together first.

We had hardly any money but wanted to get married because we were very much in love (31 years later we still are!). Our wedding rings were white gold but pretty cheap and the whole wedding cost very little - a lot of people helped i.e. an aunt made the cake, we and our respective mums made all the food also we used OH's car which was only an old banger. Oh and we didn't have a honeymoon either although as we had not lived together before it was like a honeymoon just being together.

I have no regrets about it because it was a very special day. OH's mum was horrified it was all done so cheap and particularly horrified I did not have an engagement ring. She kept on about it for a couple of years - "what will people think" etc and then she and FIL actually went and bought me one! Needless to say I never wore it.

To me if you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them material things like rings, big flashy wedding cars etc are not the slightest bit important

See, now this actually is romantic and sounds like true love, there's a big difference!

BugglyB

The problem with romance is that its not compatible with whats best for a relationship - tactful honesty and direct communication. Its not romantic to say 'I really want this', 'I felt unhappy when you did this'. 'I'd like you to behave like this' - OH should just 'know', right?

What you have to ask yourself now is are you uneasy at the whole relationship and the marriage, or is it just the ring and lack of romance?