bit disappointed

oldtractor

TBH you sound immature. You have to face facts. your fiance doesnt have much money. if you really didnt want a cheap ring you should have insisted that you dont want a ring at all and stuck to your guns. you both need a heart to heart before things go from bad to worse.

Jinx

Even if the OPs partner doesnt have much cash, he surely should have shown an interest while she picked the ring. Thats not romance as such, its common sense - a part of planning for their shared future surely?

In saying that when I went to choose my engagement ring (2nd time around) my normally tactful hubby got bored in minutes and asked if he could go to Maplins while I thought about it....!! I went back to the lovely shop where I had tried on a sample custom made ring and told the lovely sales assistant I would have the ring we talked about and that the budget had doubled. My hubby now always pays attention to 'special' occasions LOL:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Not necessarily - as stated, he might of felt uncomfortable in picking a ring. He might of been ashamed he couldn't afford a better ring, he did actually look with OP in jewellers and was probably bored of waiting for OP to pick one or it could be that he proposed after an argument, didn't actually mean that much to him and generally cant be bothered. This is at least his second engagement, he might not generally jump up and down for joy - if he isn't normally romantic then he isn't going to suddenly change. The engagement wasn't planned - I dont see how OP can expect a lot from someone who decides within 10 min of an argument to marry. If OP wasn't happy with the ring or engagement she should of said no. OP might of been happy to wait but considering the info OP has put in past posts it is unlikely the bloke is ever going to have money in the near future and £40 is A LOT of money to dish out when you don't have any - he may of thought "i have spare money now, might as well buy a ring" whilst he can

dark_lady

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

her first post. it was all 'woe is me ive slept with a married man and stolen him from his kids but i want him so i shall have him!'. disgusting.

OMG How do you steal someone. This comment speaks volumes about you. You obviously think men shouldnt be responsible for their own actions. It was HE who made vows to his ex wife was it not.

Obviously nothing is ever the mans fault in your world. I suspect you and the OPs partner would get on rather well.

catkins

MrsE wrote: »

But he should, thats the romantic part. Whether he spends a lot or a little, what matters is he has to put himself out to afford it.

OP don't marry him, hes a selfish git.

How is it romantic for a man to have to scrimp and save for a ring when the woman is presumably still buying whatever she wants? What century are we living in?

Wickedkitten

catkins wrote: »

How is it romantic for a man to have to scrimp and save for a ring when the woman is presumably still buying whatever she wants? What century are we living in?

:T Not my idea of romance either.

Snuggles

MrsE wrote: »

But he should, thats the romantic part. Whether he spends a lot or a little, what matters is he has to put himself out to afford it.

I wholeheartedly disagree! When I met my OH and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I wanted it to be on equal terms, as a partnership - two people loving each other, pulling together through tough times and working together towards common goals. The idea of my OH going without just to buy me a sparkly ring, with me making no contribution, is something I would have been very uncomfortable with, and I wouldn't have found it romantic at all!

I do agree in this case there is more to it - the guy doesn't seem to give a damn. No amount of money would put that right.

aliasojo

oldtractor wrote: »

TBH you sound immature.

I don't think that's fair. The OP is young and in love, there is nothing wrong in wanting to feel a bit 'starry eyed' about all this, it's part of the whole romance of it all.

It's not a business transaction for goodness sake. Plenty time to be jaded and practical like the rest of us in years to come. Allow the girl to feel disappointed without condemming her for it, she has every right to, imo.

I'd feel really deflated and a bit upset if my OH had been so casual and apparently uncaring about it all. And to toddle off for his electronic stuff whilst being so cavalier to me about the ring choice would have earned him some serious ear ache. (Was going to be more description about which part of his lower regions would be aching but chose to be discreet. )

I do think a large part of the issue is communication though. The OP really should have had a serious chat about this and not just gone along with things.

My husband was a tightwad but I didn't realise that until it was too late. When we shopped for my ring, he just flatly refused to pay for anything he didn't see as 'worth it'. He was happy to shell out on things he thought were ok, but he didn't like spending money on anyone else's choice. We divorced a few years later.

It did cross my mind that the OP's b/f was happy to pay money for electronic things (despite being skint and shouldn't have really been buying them anyway) but he didn't want to shell out much for a ring. I did wonder if he had a touch of the same selfish streak.

Melonade

I kind of agree with OP on this. I would also be a bit dissapointed with the situation and how it happened.

But you also have to think of the reasons why he had a small budget for the ring. I know you've already mentioned these reasons (having money for the pub and generally not saving) and consider if this is the relationship you really want to commit to. Plus this proposal was after a row and you were pushed into buying the ring a little I dont want to give the impression I am judging because I'm not and I don't know the full facts. You have to either put up with the ring or tell him your not happy about it.

I think a proposal/buying a ring should be a special thing, but it boils down to how much you love him/want to spend the rest of your life with him... and wether the ring is gonna sway that?

My OH's proposal wasn't the most romantic thing in the world but he was paying attention when I picked the ring. He proposed again outside the jewellers in the snow (I didn't expect him to get down on one knee in bad weather lol). 16 years later and I'm still not married so took the ring off a month ago. I still love him to bits and wouldn't ever want to be without him. Maybe I should of picked a cheaper ring haha!!!!!

aliasojo

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

the op wants him to spend much more money on a ring for her. as it is shes got one thats the cost of eight weeks child support for his children. do you think some harlot demanding he spend even more money on her when hes neglecting his children is some little princess? shes not. shes a tramp and a golddigging one at that. those kids will remember this and for that reaosn she will never be happy. which is all she deserves. and i never volunterred an opinion about him so ive no idea how you decided my views on him. but ive seen other of your posts so it doesnt suprise me that you just make things up in your head. your obviously not all there.:rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Love it. So dramatic.

Btw, just wondering why you glossed over the part where he spends his money on drink, nights out with the boys and electronic things and went straight to the bit where he spent money on the OP and announced that equated to 8 weeks worth of child support?

Is that the only bit that counts? Wow, imagine how many weeks child support could have been paid with his drink money.

Do you have anger issues with females? :rotfl: