Am I going soft ? Or is he having me on ???

AmandaD28

Hey everyone,

Sorry this is another post about my ex !!!!

Some of you may remember my thread last week about him not seeing our kids here https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3338798

He has been in touch again today and is still having the kids this weekend ! So far anyway.

Anyway while he was on the phone he got on talking about his car its an old car R reg peugeot 306 and is frequently breaking down he told me that it failed its MOT months ago and still is not fixed therefore not roadworthy.

He was however still proposing to collect our children in it and drive them around in it !! He see's no issue in this :mad: despite then going on to list all that is wrong with it including brake problems and needing new tyres etc ! He says he can't afford to fix it (but has afforded to just buy a new house I should add)

I said that under no circumstances do I want our kids travelling in this vehicle and I will drop them off and collect them this weekend and further weekends (if/when they happen)

My query is this - *deep breath* My OH is awaiting delivery of a brand new car at present he is driving a 51 plate megane which is not the best car in the world but is roadworthy and is a very safe vehicle we have no plans for this car and OH was simply thinking of scrapping it.

I am now thinking of suggesting to my OH we give this car to my ex not because I actually care what he is driving in if it were just him I wouldn't give a toss but he is driving our kids around and I won't settle if I think he is taking them anywhere in that car of his and since he see's no wrong in what he planned to do I won't put it past him !

Am I crazy ? Is this a crazy idea ? I haven't mentioned it to OH yet I think he may think I am crazy and being too soft

Why do I feel like I should be doing anything here is my ex just playing on our kids to get me to do something I feel like I'm being cleverly manipulated but I really just want my kids to be safe.

I would really appreciate some honest opinions here I feel like I'm a bit mad in my slight defence I do have pregnancy brain and my hormones are all over the place I just can't bear to think something happens to my kids in that car and I could have given him a safe one ! I haven't even got any evidence that what he says is true I don't know if it's yet another ploy to get me to tell him to keep the maintainance he pays for the kids and fix the car (he does things like this frequently)

I appreciate its a bit of a strange one but would love some opinions am I just being a mug ? Please be honest but don't be nasty I am liable to cry ;)

TIA
xx

Darlyd

What you got to lose? If he is genuine then he will accept it. After all oh is only going to scrap it.

Worth a try.

And I would tell him you insist on dropping kids off and picking them up. See if that calls his bluff. Better safe than sorry.

Xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds like he's trying to scam you out of the car repair money. Even if you gave him your car, bet that it would suddenly blow up the moment he took it. Or he'd sell it and claim that it was stolen.

Don't bite. He can't take your children in an unroadworthy car and that's that.


(PS, I know plenty of people who are much nicer and deserve a free car more than someone prepared to threaten injury to their own children to get something)

AmandaD28

darlyd wrote: »

What you got to lose? If he is genuine then he will accept it. After all oh is only going to scrap it.

Worth a try.

And I would tell him you insist on dropping kids off and picking them up. See if that calls his bluff. Better safe than sorry.

Xx

I have told him that already that was my first response to what he said he answered by asking why so I explained he'd just told me his car was not roadworthy he therefore is not transporting our children in it he accepted my offer but seemed unrepentant about the safety of his car !

I just think its a waste if we are going to scrap OH's old one anyway it is safe and doesn't have any real value to us other than scrap I just think if it keeps the children safe it may well be worth it just wasn't sure if he is yet again attempting to manipulate me

Thanks xx

Darlyd

Keep it in oh name if ex trys to sell it. Do him for theft. Lol

AmandaD28

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Sounds like he's trying to scam you out of the car repair money. Even if you gave him your car, bet that it would suddenly blow up the moment he took it. Or he'd sell it and claim that it was stolen.

Don't bite. He can't take your children in an unroadworthy car and that's that.


(PS, I know plenty of people who are much nicer and deserve a free car more than someone prepared to threaten injury to their own children to get something)

I know what you're saying Jojo and don't get me wrong I am far from being his greatest fan but what is to stop him after I have dropped them off taking them in his car anyway ? Not a great deal and it's not like I can confiscate the keys lol (if only eh?)

He could do all of those things you say and I am wary of being scammed by him (it isn't beyond his capabilities believe me) I just can't bear to think he puts them in it regardless he is also transporting his partner and her 4yr old child in this car :eek::eek:

I'm a terrible worrier and I also know a nice person who could probably do with this car my sister for example who has just passed her driving test I just dunno what to do

xx

AmandaD28

darlyd wrote: »

Keep it in oh name if ex trys to sell it. Do him for theft. Lol

Hadn't thought of that daryl thanks but surely that would have an impact if he got done for speeding parking tickets etc if so it would give him free reign to cause havoc (which he would also happily do) hmmm its such a toughie

*Louise*

I think it makes a difference whether he knew you were getting a new car or not. Does he know at all?

Sounds more like he was hoping to get you to contribute to the repairs on his car but the conversation didn't get that far.

If you think he is going to see the kids regularly and it woudl benefit the children, then yes I would think about giving him the car. If not, then give it to your sister.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Give it to your sister and report him to the police.

Everyone is happy then - and safer - other than the complete FW who thinks it's OK to do it.

AmandaD28

*Louise* wrote: »

I think it makes a difference whether he knew you were getting a new car or not. Does he know at all?

Sounds more like he was hoping to get you to contribute to the repairs on his car but the conversation didn't get that far.

If you think he is going to see the kids regularly and it woudl benefit the children, then yes I would think about giving him the car. If not, then give it to your sister.

He has no idea about the new car Louise I too think he was just angling for me to pay the repair bill

The trouble with my ex is he always wants me to pay for something it was beds for the kids at his house the other month and he has asked for various other things it's because he see's maintainance as "my money" he refer's to it as that and he feels grieved at having to pay it at all, therefore he has always tried by whatever means to claw some back, sometimes I give in other times I don't it depends on how it will benefit our children.

Before he mentioned the car thing I was discussing how expensive the kids uniforms are for school this year wasn't trying to get him to pay (that would be a waste of breath) just saying you know and then he started talking about his car !

He would never outright ask for my OH car but I really don't think he would turn it down either. I think if he actually see's the children then yes it will benefit them but he isn't totally trustworthy with that either he has them when he feels like it really its meant to be every other week but he tends to stick to this when he has nothing better to do this weekend is his first weekend of seeing them in three months !

I want our children to be safe hence the idea of the car but don't want to be made a mug of yet again

xx

DitaVonTee

Maybe another suggestion, don't give him the car don't even offer it. Have him put on the insurance (make him pay for the excess) and allow him to borrow the car while he has you're children.