Ex has disappeared off the face off the earth.....what do I tell the kids? UPDATED !!

AmandaD28

Hi everyone,

Have two DS with my ex aged 8yrs and 4yrs he has always had contact with them all be it sporadic from his side and he has frequently missed planned contacts with them but never for as long as this his last contact was at the end of March this year he was at that point seeing them every other weekend.

He soon after moved in with his g/f telling me that they had secured a 3 bedroom house together in order that the boys could stay as she also has a DD. I have never met this woman but the kids speak very highly of her unlike the previous g/f who they really did not get on with so to me although I don't know her she seems nice and is a very good mum/ nice person by all accounts.

My ex asked me then if I would pay for beds for our kids in their new house by allowing him not to pay maintainance for a couple of months I refused saying that he doesn't pay for anything in our house so why should I the maintainance is for the upkeep of our children ! He pays £140 pcm in maintainance he did have arrears but I had to call the CSA off collecting them when he threatened to give up his job so he wouldn't have to pay. He was assessed as having to pay £160 pcm about 2 yrs ago but went on at me so muchabout taking DS1 to football every other wkend and how he couldn't afford to because the maintainance was crippling him and eventually got me to agree a reduced amount on the understanding he would indeed take DS1 to football when he had him .............he is still yet to conform to that.

Ex has now disappeared off the face of the earth I have not heard from him in months he has never asked how the kids are or expressed a wish to see them. I feel guilty is it my fault for not paying for the beds ? His 140 quid is still going in the bank so nothing too serious has happenned but how do I establish what is going on for the kids they want to see him and I am hiding from them the fact that he has shown no interest

Do I see a solicitor about it ? I just need an answer really I don't know whether he will ever get in touch and I don't want them left hanging so to speak ! I know where he works but I haven't showed up there or anything I don't wanna cause any trouble but I need to know what is happenning for my kids they need an answer

What should I do ?????

xx

kazza1000

Do you have a number you can call him on?

the_cat

When I first saw the title, I thought he was missing? Reading closer you know that a. he is alive and b. where he works...... is that right?

Have you tried contacting him? If you don't know where he is living, perhaps a letter addressed to him at his place of work. Not stroppy or accusing, just saying something along the lines that the children are worried about him, you hope everything ok and could he get in contact to let you know why he has broken contact/if he intends to restart

kazza1000

I agree with cat. Also, can you contact any of his family members/friends?

Just ask them if everything is OK with him and would they pass on a message for you asking him to phone you?

These kids have a right to know what's happening. They're bound to be worried.

jasonwatkins

If he's meeting his maintenance obligations then there's really nothing more you can do. You can't force him to see the kids.

And I'd imagine one of the first things a solicitor would ask you is what sort of effort you had made to contact him as well.

AmandaD28

kazza1000 wrote: »

Do you have a number you can call him on?

Yeah I do he isn't answering I've called a couple of times over the last few months but he won't answer or return my calls

ceebeeby

Call from a friends phone who he won't recognise the number from.

It's a simple question:

"Hiya X, hope alls well. DS1 and DS2 desperate to see you and miss you - what do you think?"

Failing conversation, text him.

AmandaD28

the_cat wrote: »

When I first saw the title, I thought he was missing? Reading closer you know that a. he is alive and b. where he works...... is that right?

Have you tried contacting him? If you don't know where he is living, perhaps a letter addressed to him at his place of work. Not stroppy or accusing, just saying something along the lines that the children are worried about him, you hope everything ok and could he get in contact to let you know why he has broken contact/if he intends to restart

Yeah that is correct the cat

I have tried on numerous occassions to contact him via his mobile, my calls all go unanswered though and he never returns them.

The letter is a good idea though and one I will persue thank you I don't know why I hadn't thought of it

Triker

When you send the letter, stick a couple of photos of your boys in there too, so he has a reminder of who he has left behind.

the_cat

AmandaD28 wrote: »

The letter is a good idea though and one I will persue thank you I don't know why I hadn't thought of it

I would perhaps consider sending it by registered post and keeping a copy.......

AmandaD28

kazza1000 wrote: »

I agree with cat. Also, can you contact any of his family members/friends?

Just ask them if everything is OK with him and would they pass on a message for you asking him to phone you?

These kids have a right to know what's happening. They're bound to be worried.

I could quite easily ring his mother, however she would not speak to me and would put the telephone down on me as soon as she heard my voice, she believes that I have ruined his life by asking him for maintainance and does not think he should be paying it she told me this the last time we spoke over a similar matter.

There is his father I guess but would need his mobile no which I don't have he was never quite so hostile towards me any ideas how I can get hold of a mobile number for him ?

But agreed the kids are worried and I can't give them an answer apart from daddy must be busy with sorting his new house out I am sure he will be in touch soon.