Ex has disappeared off the face off the earth.....what do I tell the kids? UPDATED !!

CL

Person_one wrote: »

That's quite offensive to the many many many women out there who did choose carefully, who did everything right and still were abandoned and betrayed.

Some people have kids together within a year and everything works out great, some wait even longer than you did and still end up as single parents. Please don't try to blame the mothers who are actually taking responsibility for their children, save your judgement for the parents who don't.

As I said some, I don't know why you would choose to take offence. People change and the person who you choose to have a child with may not be the same person a few years down the line, so breakups happen.

I just commented that some people rush into having a child without getting to know the father of their child properly.

Everycloud...

newcook wrote: »

but OP doesnt know where he lives in order to send it...

OP mentioned writing a letter earlier so I think she might know...

Person_one

CL wrote: »

As I said some, I don't know why you would choose to take offence. People change and the person who you choose to have a child with may not be the same person a few years down the line, so breakups happen.

I just commented that some people rush into having a child without getting to know the father of their child properly.

Why?


(Blah blah 10 characters)

ceebeeby

CL wrote: »

It just shows how careful you need to be in choosing the father of your child. I was with DH 5 years before we married and 10 years before we had our LO. Not refering to OP here, but some people rush into having a baby with someone before really getting to know them.

That's sanctimonious twaddle .....

Last time someone said something like that was my S-I-L who told me she loved her husband more than I loved mine and she could tell it in the way we all were together and that made her a better wife.

Roll forwards 6 months to her divorce and 15 years to my most recent wedding anniversary :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Pride goes before a fall lovey - be careful what you quote

Mupette

could he be in prison?

AmandaD28

Mupette wrote: »

could he be in prison?

Nah he ain't in prison I'm pretty sure of that he is just absolving himself of his responsibilities he's not a criminal well at least he never was.

AmandaD28

Everycloud... wrote: »

OP mentioned writing a letter earlier so I think she might know...

I don't in fact know where he lives I know of the area but its a big place and he could be anywhere

The only address I have is his work one ............ that is where the letter will be going

make_me_wise

AmandaD28 wrote: »

I could quite easily ring his mother, however she would not speak to me and would put the telephone down on me as soon as she heard my voice, she believes that I have ruined his life by asking him for maintainance and does not think he should be paying it she told me this the last time we spoke over a similar matter.

So who does she think should be paying to raise her grandchildren, if not their father? Its small wonder your ex shows such reckless disregard for his sons well-being, after being raised by such a stupid woman as your ex mil.

Dont go blaming yourself for the fact that your kids dont see their dad right now. From what you wrote he sounds manipulative. You were right to refuse to pay for the beds at his house. You compromised and allowed for maintenance payments to be lower to cover football and he renegades on that promise.

Hold your head high, you are doing the most difficult job in the world right now, raising two kids by yourself. I would suggest writing to him and saying that your kids want answers regarding why they haven't seen him. They may not be asking you now but sooner or later they will and I suspect it may take time for him to respond to you. Things seem to be on his terms alot.

AmandaD28

CL wrote: »

It just shows how careful you need to be in choosing the father of your child. I was with DH 5 years before we married and 10 years before we had our LO. Not refering to OP here, but some people rush into having a baby with someone before really getting to know them.

I know you said this isn't aimed at me but I did know him prior to having children and a mortgage with him just for clarification purposes ! He seemed a genuine man he said he wanted children both his affairs happenned just after they were born he clearly cannot handle responsibility and I don't think he ever will tbh I didn't know trhis before bearing the children but what a wonderful thing hindsight would've been huh don't get me wrong I love my children dearly and wouldn't change them for the world but no I didn't plan on being left holding the baby so to speak we were together for 9 years too and split when DS1 was 5yrs and DS2 was 14months, no rushing into it there

AmandaD28

CL wrote: »

Your exs mother thinks £17.50 per child per week is too much! Unbelievable!

Oh yes !

She also thinks I chose to have the children and made them on my own therefore they are my sole responsibility I think were her words

She was a delightful MIL;):eek:

xx