Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

deb68_2

The words Low Life SCUM come to mind about him,an nothing will change my opinion of a MARRIED person having a relationship,one nite stand a leg over however you wish to put it
Pond life that hurt an Destroy other people.
an your hanging around waiting for him to make his mind up wake up hunni if he wanted you he would be with you .......................dont you think

whitewing

ptn, do you think he is scared of ending it with you, in case you tell his wife? Maybe he is just hoping it will all go away.

QuackQuackOops

I met someone who was married. I was married too. I most certainly did not want to have an affair and so I ended my marriage becasue it was the right thing to do anyway.
The man I had met, however, did not leave his wife and he didn't have any children to consider. I had all the "its difficult at the moment because......." reasons and lots and lots of talking about it. He told me everything that I wanted to hear and then some. Oh, what an awful, loveless marriage he was in. Really? So why not leave then?

After a couple of months I realised something. Ultimatums would never do. Would I be happy with someone who felt forced to be with me? No. Talking about it happening for months on end would never do. It would leave me feeling used and frustrated.
There was only one thing I could do and that was to look after me!
I told the man that I was not prepared to carry on seeing him as a married man and that was the end of it.
I then went on a couple of dates with another man.

It was only then that the married man left his wife. If I had been a mistress to him, I believe that I would still be waiting now. When I let it go and did the right thing then he was free to make the right choice for himself too. If he stayed with his wife for the rest of his life then I knew it was the best thing for him and me and that I was already happy to be on my own.

I firmly believe that affairs do not work out for the majority and do nothing but cause hurt, pain and upset to many people. They most definitely do nothing for your own self respect.
You will also find that the man you are seeing is not leaving his wife for you because you have no self respect therefore he has no respect for you.
If you really want to be happy with yourself and this man you must end your affair without angst.

If you love something then set it free, if it comes back to you then its yours to keep.

ETA. Also just want to say that sleeping in seperate bedrooms does not mean a couple do not love each other. Loads of people over a certain age have seperate bedrooms when the kids move out because of different sleeping patterns, snoring, getting too warm etc. Certainly is no indicator of love....or lack of it.

purpletoenails

whitewing wrote: »

ptn, do you think he is scared of ending it with you, in case you tell his wife? Maybe he is just hoping it will all go away.

No, he knows what I'm like and there's no way I'd do something so spiteful. If he was hoping it will all go away then I doubt very much he'd have put so much effort into trying to get in touch with me again after last weekend. He had the perfect opportunity then to walk away.

whitewing

Surely you only both know what you are both like on your best behaviour with each other. Have you ever even had an actual row?

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

No its not the 2nd ultimatum in as many weeks - I've not even seen him in a month as he had to go away.

And no, I don't want to force his hand. If he wants a future with me then he needs to do something about it. I can't wait around indefinitely while he dithers about.

I'm amazed that some of the posters seem to know so much about what he is like as a person considering they've never even met him, let alone had a conversation with him.

So its not through choice that you've not seen him - he just hasn't had the opportunity to lie to his wife as to where he is?

The point is PTN can you honestly say that he wouldn't now be making the overtures he now seems to making if you hadn't made the initial ultimatum? But again I don't understand why now for the ultimatum.....you've already said that you're not prepared to up sticks for him atm and living with you isn't an opinion, so seriously why now ....why not carry on the status quo?

You're right - I don't know him but unlike you I haven't got the rose tinted glasses on and think he's a modern day martyr. But he is a liar and a cheat and not even you can deny that.

whitewing

Oh god, you just reminded me of my disasterous foray into internet dating. I used to exchange messages and within a couple of days of chatting to someone who seemed ideal, I'd get a message saying 'You seem like a really nice girl, so I should let you know I am engaged to be married'. Now, one can be flattered that they can evoke such honesty but at the end of the day it still meant that the single man was not single.

(I have nothing against dating sites etc; my friend met her husband thro something similar).

Errata

whitewing wrote: »

Surely you only both know what you are both like on your best behaviour with each other. Have you ever even had an actual row?

I don't think he's ever been in the position where he forgot to put her bins out

whitewing

I thought perhaps she'd found his wife's knickers in his car.....

deb68_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

No, he knows what I'm like and there's no way I'd do something so spiteful. If he was hoping it will all go away then I doubt very much he'd have put so much effort into trying to get in touch with me again after last weekend. He had the perfect opportunity then to walk away.

you say you Wouldnt do something so Spitefull?
but isnt having sex with a Married man spitefull?