Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

cheepskate wrote: »

No DNA tests in those days then.

You lived with a man that could be your father for 5 years but seem to have no emotion for him.

I don't get where this comes from?

POPPYOSCAR

whitewing wrote: »

I have never agreed with affairs, as I've never seen a situation where splitting up first and getting together wouldn't have been better all round. But the thing that has astonished me during this thread is just how incredibly selfish (or maybe I should say single-minded) mistresses are. (Haven't heard from any male mistresses that I can recall; is there a word for male mistresses?)

I agree that mistresses(and their lovers) are ultimately thinking of their own feelings and happiness.

It has also astonished me how some exs want only bad things to happen to the person they purport to love/have loved.I personally, do not understand how you can want to hurt someone like this, because you have been hurt does that make it right?

Wickedkitten

Marisco wrote: »

And of course, the "poor" man has no say, does he? My mam and dad were happily married for nearly 50 years, as was oh's. Operative word is "happily"!! No one can "steal" another person if they are quite happy where they are!!

That is so completely not true, some people just want to eat their cake and maybe some other pie as well.

euronorris

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree that mistresses(and their lovers) are ultimately thinking of their own feelings and happiness.

It has also astonished me how some exs want only bad things to happen to the person they purport to love/have loved.I personally, do not understand how you can want to hurt someone like this, because you have been hurt does that make it right?

No, I don't think it's right, but I do think it's human nature to inflict pain on someone we perceive to have inflicted pain on us.

It's how we react to that feeling that counts.

gonzo127

whitewing wrote: »

I have never agreed with affairs, as I've never seen a situation where splitting up first and getting together wouldn't have been better all round. But the thing that has astonished me during this thread is just how incredibly selfish (or maybe I should say single-minded) mistresses are. (Haven't heard from any male mistresses that I can recall; is there a word for male mistresses?)

i was one once when i was ~18 for about 6 months, had known her for quite a while longer,

however in my defence i had been told the women (she was 22) and her hubby had split up, which did seem to be accurate as i hadnt actually seen her with her hubby or had her talking about him, when i found out they where actually still together i called it off stright away, even though she said she loved me, and that she wasnt happy in her marriage etc etc. to me she was married and i wasnt going to be the bit on the side

ok so i wasnt in love with her at the time, although i did have feelings for her, which probably made it much easier to walk away from because it wasnt love,

thing is in all reality it started off as just a shag, which started to become a bit more regular as we started to see each other more often, depending on my studies and work pattern (and of course her husbands work pattern).

but i think a big difference from, at least my point of view, was that when we started to have sex, thats all it was to me, sex, however from her point of view, it seemed that (excuse the cude manner of this) the opening of her legs also corresponded to the opening of her heart

POPPYOSCAR

euronorris wrote: »

No, I don't think it's right, but I do think it's human nature to inflict pain on someone we perceive to have inflicted pain on us.

It's how we react to that feeling that counts.

Not for me, I do not wish to purposely inflict pain on those I love/have loved, this concept is alien to me.

gratefulforhelp_2

You are a good woman then, poppyoscar. I think many of us would think of revenge, though hopefully far fewer of us would act on the thought.

Lotus-eater

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Not for me, I do not wish to purposely inflict pain on those I love/have loved, this concept is alien to me.

I am the same and I know my OH is the same as well.

I thought my Mum and Dad were the same too, until they split up and it all went badly wrong.
I think if you've been so badly treated by the other person, lied to, led up the garden path and cheated. Then you may not find you being yourself.

POPPYOSCAR

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You are a good woman then, poppyoscar. I think many of us would think of revenge, though hopefully far fewer of us would act on the thought.

I can honestly say I have never wanted revenge on anyone in my life, and I have been hurt very badly. There are people who I do not like intensely but I would never want anything bad to happen to them, although having said that, when something bad does happen to them I have no feeling one way or the other about it.


I sometimes say my OH is in league with the devil!! as everyone who has ever crossed him, something really bad has happened to them.It really is quite spooky!

gratefulforhelp_2

Ha ha, I once looked at a boy who had been really horrible to DD1, he caught my eye and fell down some steps!

He was ok, but a bit surprised. He left her alone after that.