Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Lotus-eater

princessdreamer wrote: »

See that is where you are wrong I did the opposite my son found all the evidence for himself including a lot of !!!!!! stuff relating to her. He blew a fuse and told the lot of him what he though of them,
Why didn't I do it, not worth my effort her kid and family are nothing to do with me.

Let me get this straight..... your sons wife was sleeping with his Dad?

Kay_Peel

Lotus-eater wrote: »

That's number 2.

Sorry if I've misunderstood. You're right about the spectrum of infidelity and it's a good list, for starters.

You said 'There is the unhappy relationship and doing nothing about it, till someone else comes along.'

In my example there is, on the surface a happy relationship - no arguments, no appearance of dissatisfaction, reassurance, plans made for the future, closeness and a fulfilling sex life. In your example both are in an unhappy relationship - incompatible, miserable, barely able to look at one another, poor communication ..... or that's how I read it.

jetplane

Sleeping knowingly with a man who is sleeping with someone else shows little respect for their own sexual health if nothing else.

You can sleep with more than one person and look after your own sexual health, its the married mans responsibilty to look after his.

Taking someone elses scraps usually older men. Being hated by friend and family of the family they destroyed.

Unfortunately its the wife who gets the scraps the mistress usually gets the best of him and she really doesn't care about the wifes friends or family.

Not to mention having your own parents and child informed what you are and what you did by your new partners son.

And this matters how? Surely they already know.

apparently the wives do not matter only the perfect (PMSL) relationship that comes from being a mistress

Correct I repeat its the wife they don't respect

Before you jump to another conclusion I am not a mistress nor am I condoning affairs but your posts are rather judgemental. I think this must be a very emotive issue for you and I'm sorry that you have had a difficult time.

princessdreamer

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Let me get this straight..... your sons wife was sleeping with his Dad?

Nope my son found a load of stuff about his fathers affair and confronted them while they were still lying to everyone pretending the mistress was just a friend offering support.

Lotus-eater

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Sorry if I've misunderstood. You're right about the spectrum of infidelity and it's a good list, for starters.

You said 'There is the unhappy relationship and doing nothing about it, till someone else comes along.'

In my example there is, on the surface a happy relationship - no arguments, no appearance of dissatisfaction, reassurance, plans made for the future, closeness and a fulfilling sex life. In your example both are in an unhappy relationship - incompatible, miserable, barely able to look at one another, poor communication ..... or that's how I read it.

I hear what you are saying and you have a point. Split number 2 into two different ones then. One where both partners know they are unhappy and one where only one knows.

CH27

princessdreamer wrote: »

She is also making up crap about my viewpoint on men yet I am happy enough with my own positive outlook to not feel the need to point out repeatedly that I know nice men and am happy to move forward in another relationship.
Nor do I think all mistresses are bleach blond size zero bimbos they are just women with little respect for themselves.

No way would I describe your attitude as positive.

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm hoping to buck the trend. If I don't, then hey-ho. We've had a great 8 years even if he walked out tomorrow.

Do you have your own children with him?

nickyhutch wrote: »

It's not minor - I didn't say that. It's horrid, and it's borne out of cowardice. I think it was in OH's case. He wanted out, but needed a reason to get out. It has to be a big reason, and one you're sure of. Yes, I'd say he was a coward.

It's (apparently, and statistics again) quite rare for men to leave a marriage unless for a new relationship.

Much more common for women to leave without having someone else on the go.

Errata

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Sorry if I've misunderstood. You're right about the spectrum of infidelity and it's a good list, for starters.

You said 'There is the unhappy relationship and doing nothing about it, till someone else comes along.'

In my example there is, on the surface a happy relationship - no arguments, no appearance of dissatisfaction, reassurance, plans made for the future, closeness and a fulfilling sex life. In your example both are in an unhappy relationship - incompatible, miserable, barely able to look at one another, poor communication ..... or that's how I read it.

Alterntively, couples remain faithful until something better comes along, which sometimes does and sometimes doesn't.

clearingout

jetplane wrote: »

Positive? Really? But you sound very bitter and your attacks on nickyhutch are too personal so much negativity in your posts.



You know your wrong, its the wife they don't respect not themselves.

Ex wives use these cliche's to convince themselves that the mistress is a bad woman, just as the mistress uses cliche's to convince themselves that their lovers are not bad men.

A wife and an ex wife are two very different things. A wife who puts up with a cheating husband in full knowledge of his affair is someone, I agree, with 'issues'. A mistress, who knows she is a mistress (I accept not all necessarily do), is exactly the same as a wife who stays with the husband she knows is cheating. It is the other side of the same coin. An ex wife may well hold onto her husband for longer than she should, but that is out of longing for what she signed up to on her wedding day. This is distinct from low self esteem, in my opinion at least.

I don't believe my ex's husband is a 'bad woman'. She did, however, cheat on her long standing partner to be with my husband. I don't believe my ex ever lied to her about his marital status (but I could be wrong) and I don't, I don't think at least, describe her in cliches. However, a 'nice woman' would not stand by a man who is persecuting his ex, she wouldn't stand by and watch the roof disappear from over his children's heads whilst she is enjoying the benefit of a hot tub paid for by her lover in the back garden, she wouldn't shout obscenities, laugh in someone's face, hit small children, or support a man who refuses to pay child maintenance to his children.

I can see exactly why some people get into affairs and struggle to get out of them. I don't like it, I have strong views on it and yes, those views are very much coloured by my experiences. But I accept it is a part of life and sometimes happens to the nicest of people living in the most normal of circumstances. I can see that there are times in my life when I might have had an affair and could be quite easily sat here in PTN's situation. But if I was in that situation, I hope that I would have the decency to be....well, decent! Honest, appropriate in my behaviour and genuinely sorry I had caused someone so much distress. I feel quite certain that I would never, ever stand by a man who refused point blank to financially support his children and I don't think I would need to treat the wife in the way I was treated/continue to be treated by my ex's girlfriend. Being the 'other woman' is not an excuse for poor behaviour, rudeness, anger, and abuse. This behaviour is very much an indicator of poor self-esteem and is behaviour present in all too many mistresses/other women.

princessdreamer

CH27 wrote: »

No way would I describe your attitude as positive.

How would you know what my outlook on life is?