Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

I'm not trying to compare, just sharing.

How do you know PTN's MM's wife isn't "at it" too?

justmel

PTN i am sorry you haven't found the strength to walk away,putting aside the rights and wrongs of infidelity i just feel that you are wasting your life on this man and that is a shame,i really think that if he was going to leave his wife he would have done something aboutit by now especially as he is well aware that you are not happy with things as they are.

With that said it is your life and only you can decide what to do with it,i am in no way disregarding the feelings of his wife or children when i say that but the fact is that no one here can make the decision for you,it has to be you that decides you can truly take no more.

I have to say that although i know you don't want to pressure him to leave it has gone on for so long that i would be wanting some definite answers by now and be telling him 'leave or don't contact me again' but i do realise that you want him to leave of his own accord and not because you pushed him.

In all honesty i hope you meet a lovely single man who will show you the kind of happiness this man can't and it will be you that takes control and ends the affair in pursuit of better things,it can't be good for your own wellbeing to be caught up with so many different emotions,good luck PTN and don't forget your own self worth,you do deserve more than you are currently getting xx

seven-day-weekend

One aspect of adultery is that often the other person can appear more exciting than their legal partner because they never see the smelly socks, never have to pick up wet towels after them, never bother them with bills, or tax returns or shopping or parents' evenings or any of the minutiae of ordinary everyday life. They just have to be on their best behaviour and look sexy.

But that is not real life and the person you have sex with might turn into a different person if you were to live with him and all his annoying habits.

Love is sticking around anyway, in spite of the boring things.

MrsAtobe

VestanPance wrote: »

Yes I would if I had ruled out the option of working to save the relationship.

Do you think a better option is to show the child how to lie, decieve, destroy trust and finally rip the child from her fathers arms into a strangers arms? See we can all weight questions to suit an excuse!

At least in my case V&P, it made me determined that I would never inflict the hurt that my father's affairs caused on any other person. So some good can come of it, in a weird way.

euronorris

Kathy535 wrote: »

No, I mean that I wouldn't judge them unless I knew all the facts and aspects beyond doubt. It's easy to say a cheating partner or the 'other person' are wrong but unless you know the circumstances how can you say? It might not be right but maybe there are extenuating circumstances that you don't know about. And maybe not, but either way, I don't feel equipped to tell other people how they should be living their lives when I barely manage to live mine without making a pig's ear of it.

Thanks for clarifying.

IMO, there is never a good enough reason to cheat on someone.

Whatever is wrong within the relationship, either work on it with that person, or leave the relationship. Just because things aren't working out, or they are treating you badly, doesn't mean it's suddenly OK for you to cheat on them.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

I'm certainly not telling anyone how to live their life. But, I will give my opinion when asked or for it, or if the subject is up for discussion in general (be that in real life or online).

But we've already been over this point before, so I won't say anymore on the matter. I only responded because I appreciate that you probably haven't caught up on the gazillions of pages before this.

euronorris

Taadaa wrote: »

I'm not sure you have ever been in bodice-ripping-overthrows-everything-makes-your-face-ache-from-smiling love if you think that. The heart has it's reasons, and logic and control doesn't come into it.

Oh trust me, I have! But I've still had to end a relationship like that, when it became clear that we didn't want the same things in life (kids). Broke my heart at the time, but I got over it and am now experiencing a love like that with someone who does want the same things in life as me.

But then, I also don't buy into this 'there is only one person out there for you' or 'soulmate' stuff. I believe there are many people in the world, who we can be truly happy with.

I also believe the heart and mind should work together, not separately, or with the heart (or mind) taking main control over decisions. There needs to be balance in life, otherwise, whilst you may have extreme highs, you'll also have extreme lows. Personally, I rather keep things on a more even keel.

victory

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

One aspect of adultery is that often the other person can appear more exciting than their legal partner because they never see the smelly socks, never have to pick up wet towels after them, never bother them with bills, or tax returns or shopping or parents' evenings or any of the minutiae of ordinary everyday life. They just have to be on their best behaviour and look sexy.

But that is not real life and the person you have sex with might turn into a different person if you were to live with him and all his annoying habits.

Love is sticking around anyway, in spite of the boring things.

I agree with that, you can put it into the relationship with meals out, sexy nights, making the effort but no one can go around semi naked all the time:rotfl::D

The trick is not to forget your partner, not take them for granted, spend quality time with them, make one night a week date night or all about them, that is fair enough but to 24/7 them is impossible.

Sure like can be boring and predictable, deja vu and we all hanker after the good old days, all day in bed, together so much as been said the jaw aches from love happy smiling heart a flutter but that calms with time, it comes back,if the connection is there it does not have to be kneeded every day, you just know, you don't have to keep repeating you know it is there and creating this idea of blissful paradise where the only two people that matter on the planet are you and him.

It is there but the foundations of a relationship are so much deeper than having a compettition to see how quickly you can tear each others clothes off:D

Lotus-eater

nickyhutch wrote: »

As it turned out, it was this last bit that got him moving - he would be round seeing me on a Friday, talking about what I'd be doing over the weekend, and it was my "exciting" (his words) life that he wanted part of, and wanted to be with me for, that, I think, got him to make that difficult decision (and the fact that he finally worked out that his wife was also being unfaithful, so there was no reason to feel guilty any more).

He obviously fell for your exciting life style, he wasn't getting it at home, his wife wasn't into the same stuff as you and he discovered he was, or he wanted more than he was getting at home.

In some ways, maybe this is the same as PTN's, he gets love and affection and decent conversation from PTN's, that he may not get from his wife.
The big difference, is that your OH left his wife to be with you. Do you think PTN's man will do the same? Because it's not looking like it.

I do understand about bodice ripping lust, I also understand about how someone can be ripped apart by infidelity. If you have to do it, then decide quickly and get it over with, don't hang on for years, ripping the heart out of the unsuspecting people when they find out.

It's just not fair on the family left behind. Not on the kids and not on the cheated on partner.

FatVonD

Lotus-eater wrote: »

The big difference, is that your OH left his wife to be with you. Do you think PTN's man will do the same? Because it's not looking like it.

I agree, I think Nicky's case(s) may be the exception(s) that prove the rule and I think it would be foolish for PTN to take any comfort from Nicky's happy ending because I don't think it's comparing like with like.

candygirl

Lotus-eater wrote: »

He obviously fell for your exciting life style, he wasn't getting it at home, his wife wasn't into the same stuff as you and he discovered he was, or he wanted more than he was getting at home.

In some ways, maybe this is the same as PTN's, he gets love and affection and decent conversation from PTN's, that he may not get from his wife.
The big difference, is that your OH left his wife to be with you. Do you think PTN's man will do the same? Because it's not looking like it.

I do understand about bodice ripping lust, I also understand about how someone can be ripped apart by infidelity. If you have to do it, then decide quickly and get it over with, don't hang on for years, ripping the heart out of the unsuspecting people when they find out.

It's just not fair on the family left behind. Not on the kids and not on the cheated on partner.

ooo err missus:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: