Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Taadaa

VestanPance wrote: »

What bitterness? I've held this opinion on this subject for my entire life and will continue to do so. There is no excuse, people can control their actions even when it includes passion or love.

It's an honest debate on the subject. People are in full control over their actions. Words mean nothing, actions mean everything. If you don't want to be called on the immoral and evil actions then don't do them.

I'm not sure you have ever been in bodice-ripping-overthrows-everything-makes-your-face-ache-from-smiling love if you think that. The heart has it's reasons, and logic and control doesn't come into it.

VestanPance

Taadaa wrote: »

Would you really end a relationship knowing that it would break your child's heart and possibly make them homeless? I think not.

Yes I would if I had ruled out the option of working to save the relationship.

Do you think a better option is to show the child how to lie, decieve, destroy trust and finally rip the child from her fathers arms into a strangers arms? See we can all weight questions to suit an excuse!

VestanPance

Taadaa wrote: »

I'm not sure you have ever been in bodice-ripping-overthrows-everything-makes-your-face-ache-from-smiling love if you think that. The heart has it's reasons, and logic and control doesn't come into it.

You can control your actions, no matter the fellings involves. Or should we pardon those who rape, murder or abuse in some crime of passion? On your reasoning they couldn't help it.

nickyhutch

Bubby wrote: »

Did you never wonder why he was sleeping with his wife when he claimed to love you instead?

No, to be honest. I accepted that he was still in a relationship, whatever the state of it, with his wife and sex was a part of it. I didn't ask, he didn't say. I wont say I didn't care, but it wasn't of massive concern to me. He loved me, but wasn't committed to me.

During the first few months, I was still living the "single life" too; like I said, I'm very broadminded and as we couldn't have been said to be committed to each other, I couldn't/wouldn't expect him to not sleep with his wife, but he couldn't/wouldn't expect me not to be getting on with my life while I waited for him.

As it turned out, it was this last bit that got him moving - he would be round seeing me on a Friday, talking about what I'd be doing over the weekend, and it was my "exciting" (his words) life that he wanted part of, and wanted to be with me for, that, I think, got him to make that difficult decision (and the fact that he finally worked out that his wife was also being unfaithful, so there was no reason to feel guilty any more).

Taadaa

No, I don't. The better option is to not have an affair in the first place. But life doesn't always work like that unfortunately.

essexgirly

Taadaa: I'm not really a big "Friends" fan. So don't really have a clue what that was about! I'm more of a Shameless girl myself (!)

QUOTE
We should all make our own rules when it comes to relationships, and not live by what we think we should do. I'm not condoning someone being kept in the dark by that statement - 'rules' *should* be a joint decision. But it's not always possible, and I wouldn't dream of judging someone else when we can never know how that person feels.

That is probably the best statement on this thread. Well said

VestanPance

Taadaa wrote: »

No, I don't. The better option is to not have an affair in the first place. But life doesn't always work like that unfortunately.

Work out! You mean people make a cold caculated desicion to have an affair. It doesn't just happen, no matter what people try to pass off for reasoning.

Taadaa

VestanPance wrote: »

You can control your actions, no matter the fellings involves. Or should we pardon those who rape, murder or abuse in some crime of passion? On your reasoning they couldn't help it.

I'm sorry but I don't put having an affair and those crimes you have described in the same category in terms of seriousness. And they have no relation to the love that I just described, they are motivated by different reasons. I think our opinions are too far apart to compromise, so I bid you goodnight.

Bubby

nickyhutch wrote: »

No, to be honest. I accepted that he was still in a relationship, whatever the state of it, with his wife and sex was a part of it. I didn't ask, he didn't say. I wont say I didn't care, but it wasn't of massive concern to me. He loved me, but wasn't committed to me.

During the first few months, I was still living the "single life" too; like I said, I'm very broadminded and as we couldn't have been said to be committed to each other, I couldn't/wouldn't expect him to not sleep with his wife, but he couldn't/wouldn't expect me not to be getting on with my life while I waited for him.

As it turned out, it was this last bit that got him moving - he would be round seeing me on a Friday, talking about what I'd be doing over the weekend, and it was my "exciting" (his words) life that he wanted part of, and wanted to be with me for, that, I think, got him to make that difficult decision (and the fact that he finally worked out that his wife was also being unfaithful, so there was no reason to feel guilty any more).

This is a totally different case to PTN's and obviously as they were both having affairs the marriage was really over for both of them. What I don't believe is right or fair is when 1 party is carrying on in the marriage oblivious to what is happening

candygirl

Bubby wrote: »

This is a totally different case to PTN's and obviously as they were both having affairs the marriage was really over for both of them. What I don't believe is right or fair is when 1 party is carrying on in the marriage oblivious to what is happening

Yea I totally agree:D:DNH's situ can't be compared to PTN's as the wife was at it too:D:D