Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Pollycat

VestanPance wrote: »

She did run rings around the lot of you. The debate thrown back at her was based on flawed logic, or attacking her youth.

She didn't 'run rings' round me.

Post #2146 + #2148 are the only 2 posts by Radiography that I've replied to.

My replies in post #2147 & #2176 were not based on 'flawed logic', I was disagreeing with her statement about how well PTN knew her lover and how well we knew PTN - which was patently wrong.

I have never attacked Radiography's youth.

VestanPance wrote: »

Her response isn't aggressive it's responding to the cat like heckles on her being young and dumb. Of course none of those patronising posts were at all aggressive!

Her response is aggressive, you just can't see it.

I've been neither patronising or aggressive in my posts to Radiography.

VestanPance

Marisco wrote: »

Life happens, and you roll with the punches. You never know what is round the corner - just as well sometimes!!!

That's a losers logic.

You make decisions and act accordingly. Things within your control do not just happen and that includes anything to do with relationships. Accept personal responsibility for your actions. To many people write off their actions to things just happen. No you made a judgement call on something and acted upon it.

POPPYOSCAR

Pollycat wrote: »

She didn't 'run rings' round me.

Post #2146 + #2148 are the only 2 posts by Radiography that I've replied to.

My replies in post #2147 & #2176 were not based on 'flawed logic', I was disagreeing with her statement about how well PTN knew her lover and how well we knew PTN - which was patently wrong.

I have never attacked Radiography's youth.



Her response is aggressive, you just can't see it.

I've been neither patronising or aggressive in my posts to Radiography.

I don't think you will get past all the bitterness.

gratefulforhelp_2

Frogletina wrote: »

He said 'They meant nothing to me' - that he still loved me, which is why he was still with me.

What he meant was that you mean (meant) nothing to him. Glad you have escaped!

catkins wrote: »

We were undecided whether we wanted children or not - OH was not keen as he had had a horrible childhood. We decided not to have any in the end and there were quite a few reasons but one of them was that we did not want anything to spoil our happy marriage.

A valid choice that should be respected.

While I think that radiography could finesse her responses somewhat, the point she is making is a logical one.

For example...if I am anti abortion, at all, in any situation, then that is an absolute moral stance.

If I am anti abortion unless the child has a less than 20% chance of survival, then one could still say I take a strong moral position.

If I am anti abortion for others, but then decide actually it's ok for me or my friends if we mess up contraception, that's not flexibility or a mature approach, but an erosion of my original standpoint.

A lot of posters here have confused an aspiration to high (or just different) standards with being preachy.

One can aspire to high standards without necessarily always making it, or being "perfect".

eta bitterness seems to be a very easy insult to chuck around. IMHO someone who has been betrayed by their spouse is entitled to feel bruised/hurt/fearful/suspicious/angry...of course in the long term it isn't helpful, but we all take different routes through getting over traumas, don't we?

Errata

Pollycat wrote: »

She didn't 'run rings' round me.

Post #2146 + #2148 are the only 2 posts by Radiography that I've replied to.

My replies in post #2147 & #2176 were not based on 'flawed logic', I was disagreeing with her statement about how well PTN knew her lover and how well we knew PTN - which was patently wrong.

I have never attacked Radiography's youth.



Her response is aggressive, you just can't see it.

I've been neither patronising or aggressive in my posts to
Radiography.

In her post on the bi-polar thread Radio writes
"I have Asperger's and no one knows what that entails, but I don't get offended if people make presumptions and ask genuine questions about it."

This may explain her 'black and white' view and her blunt way of communicating.

POPPYOSCAR

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

What he meant was that you mean (meant) nothing to him. Glad you have escaped!



A valid choice that should be respected.

While I think that radiography could finesse her responses somewhat, the point she is making is a logical one.

For example...if I am anti abortion, at all, in any situation, then that is an absolute moral stance.

If I am anti abortion unless the child has a less than 20% chance of survival, then one could still say I take a strong moral position.

If I am anti abortion for others, but then decide actually it's ok for me or my friends if we mess up contraception, that's not flexibility or a mature approach, but an erosion of my original standpoint.

A lot of posters here have confused an aspiration to high (or just different) standards with being preachy.

One can aspire to high standards without necessarily always making it, or being "perfect".

I disagree with you here.

I think most of us aspire to be perfect and have high moral codes.

However, when it is put across with such vitriol and personal abuse that some posters do ,that is what I take issue with.

High moral values can be expressed in such a way, as many have done on here, as to not offend.

I find in life that most people respond to kindness and talking through things rather than 'laying down the law' to them all of the time.This just makes me switch off.

FatVonD

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Have you still got the paper? I'd love to know what the 5 different types of affairs are.

Apologies for carp typing (and bad cutting/rephrasing) but too much to type carefully! They were:

The Opportunist
Nothing to do with relationship, just right place, right time and curious to try something new.

The Infatuation Junkie
Men feel it more strongly due to testosterone levels. Always looking for chemical high and move on when it wears off.

The affair of the ego massage
People in LT relationships cheating to prove they're still attractive. Kicks in when they hit a certain age and want to recapture their youth. Less about sexual pleasure than proving to yourself you're attractive.

The affair of protest.
When things not going right/not getting enough attention, more common in women. Sometimes cry for help and will leave hints so partner will react and prove thye care.

The serious affair
The person prepared to walk away from wife and kids. They are tired of who they are and don't care if they get caught.



Vestan Prince/Radio, I had no idea you were both so young!

Pollycat

Errata wrote: »

In her post on the bi-polar thread Radio writes
"I have Asperger's and no one knows what that entails, but I don't get offended if people make presumptions and ask genuine questions about it."

This may explain her 'black and white' view and her blunt way of communicating.

I didn't know that, Errata and it may possibly explain the tone of her posts, but (and this is just imho) she has been aggressive in some of her replies.
Asperger's may be the explanation but should it be an excuse?

Marisco

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

What he meant was that you mean (meant) nothing to him. Glad you have escaped!



A valid choice that should be respected.

While I think that radiography could finesse her responses somewhat, the point she is making is a logical one.

For example...if I am anti abortion, at all, in any situation, then that is an absolute moral stance.

If I am anti abortion unless the child has a less than 20% chance of survival, then one could still say I take a strong moral position.

If I am anti abortion for others, but then decide actually it's ok for me or my friends if we mess up contraception, that's not flexibility or a mature approach, but an erosion of my original standpoint.

A lot of posters here have confused an aspiration to high (or just different) standards with being preachy.

One can aspire to high standards without necessarily always making it, or being "perfect".

eta bitterness seems to be a very easy insult to chuck around. IMHO someone who has been betrayed by their spouse is entitled to feel bruised/hurt/fearful/suspicious/angry...of course in the long term it isn't helpful, but we all take different routes through getting over traumas, don't we?

Yes, but it's your moral stance, and that is fair enough. What you don't have, is the right to tell other people they are wrong in their choices. Of course someone betrayed is entitled to feel all those things, I did, but what I didn't do, is tell other people how to live their lives because of my situation.

If what Errata is saying is right, then it's understandable. My middle granddaughter has Aspergers.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Thats what I personally switch off from. People who state their 'opinions' as being a 'fact', when it is their own opinion and nothing more.

Although I entirely understand, and hope I evidenced that this morning, I think its a shame to switch of entirely from distasteful posts or preachy sounding ones. I am aware I often sound..um...a bit pompous, but somewhere in the pomp of my posts, for the patient, I hope there is something obliquely useful or thought provoking.